freedom in belonging

When you know where you belong, you open up a freedom you may not have known you needed, let alone wanted.

I was always on the outside looking in, I felt, as I was growing up. A fish out of water, or a black sheep standing in sharp contrast to the flock of white ones in the same field.

You know how you just can’t put your finger on that nagging difference or missing part, and that thought sticks with you until you can resolve it?

Kind of like that, a piece looking for the rest of its pizzle.

That reality whispered into the recesses of my mind fairly regularly as I grew up. It took on a whole new aspect when I moved to Quebec, and came back to Ontario six years later fluent in French to a small town that was filled with almost anyone but another French speaking person unless they were a teacher!

So through primary school into middle school into high school, this feeling I don’t quite fit continued to hang around…unless I was singing, playing an instrument or writing. Even so, I played almost anything I touched, which spoke to my giftedness but isn’t as common in a small town.
I read ferociously, loved to learn, wore glasses and suffered through 3 years of retainers and 4 years of braces. I made friends, especially with fellow musicians & artsies…but still felt like a misfit. I was sensitive, but not sure why.

When it came time to head to university, I felt I wasn’t ready for “it” yet, so I headed to a differently structured high school for a year, and discovered something shocking.

At this school, I first experienced feeling like i fit. The structure and classes and fellow students- 90% made for me. I began to hope that after high school, I could find my place in this world. Closer to where I was meant to be.

But getting to know yourself better doesn’t necessarily help you belong.

I spent a few years wandering after high school. Unsure of what I wanted to do because I didn’t know yet who I was.

Then I met Jesus, and the pieces of the puzzle fell into place.

I have a few gifts that are not as common, and one of the “side effects” is feeling set apart. Like all of us, I am hardwired to hear God’s voice. For me, at times, quite clearly. The Word shares how this is known as the prophetic. Which ties with that sensitive feeling I had struggled to come to grips with.

And in the bible, most of them were known as being “odd or misfits.” They didn’t quite fit, having one foot in the heavenly places with God, and the other here on the earth.

When you tell people you made a decision based on God’s telling you to go that way, you tend to be looked at funny, and avoided by those who don’t know what to do with you as a result.

The prophetic can be a lonely place to be, just you and God.

But here’s the thing.

I found my place after those years of searching:

I belong to God.

What a price He paid for me, to buy me out of my broken, lonely, lost in the pit of my despair. He set my feed upon solid rock, whispered words of love, and clothes me in fresh white forever robes, naming me Beloved Daughter of the King.

I belong to Him, with every fibre that’s within me.

But I also belong with Him.

Spending time in His Presence reminds me that though I walk on this earth, it is not where I belong. My place is heavenly, in the courts of my King, in the arms of Jesus.

For now, I need the constant reminder of Spirit whispers, reminding me who I am to Him.

So although I have a great family, wonderful church & friends, good jobs- I don’t belong here. I never really did, for He designed us to be with Him.

So whether I feel like I fit is no longer relevant.

My heart is already tied to His, and wherever He is, that’s where I belong.

Home is where the heart is.
You have my heart, God.
And one day
You will welcome me home
forever, and I will live
where I have longed to be,
eternally where I belong!