the blame game


“He says, she says” started with Adam & Eve in the garden, but its roots start deeper still.

The enemy was mad he couldn’t take number one place from his Creator, so he set out to undermine His greatest creation, humanity.

What better way to cause a ruckus with such long lasting fall out than to turn the first two humans against one another?  To rock their foundation,  undermining their walk with their Lord and causing them to hide, and blame others instead of acknowledging their own part?

He blamed her & God: “this woman You gave me”

She blamed the enemy: “the serpent deceived me”

and the enemy?

He chuckled at their being cast out into Exile from the garden, despite knowing how it felt to take such a fall.

And men & women?

They have been battling with insecurity & the lack of knowledge of one another every since.

We are designed to compliment one another, not completely drive each other nuts.

We are to be two halves of the same whole.

We become one when we are married, but either of us can make a mistake that causes the marriage foundation to shift off balance, unless we remain firmly grounded on Him:

  • Putting one another first
  • Forgiving wholeheartedly
  • Keeping healthy boundaries & supports in place
  • Seeking the God of love to help us love one another in the way our loved one needs to best receive it

My hubby & I are the exact opposite match when it comes to our Love Languages.

My primary is words, his is physical touch.

He was raised without almost any positive words at home, I was molested & had a raging female condition which physically knocked me off my feet once a month.

Put those two people together with those unresolved issues?

Fireworks are to be expected, not avoided.

I had gotten a great deal of counseling before I got married because my baggage, and had a good support base in place.  Hubby was still in survival mode for that first year.

Add unexpected storms & losses to the mix, and the enemy didn’t really need to do anything to add fuel to the fire.

But God was there, in the midst, as Present as if we were still in His garden.

We were not alone, either of us separately or as a couple.

God has been rebuilding our foundations separately & together ever since.:

Taking out the beams when the structure needs a complete overhaul, Jesus shoulders the load Himself as we allow Him to do the required renovations.

Holy Spirit continuously revamps the lines of communications , between us and Himself, and us as a couple.

Pouring fresh water & feeding us daily bread, our Abba is and has been constantly there for us to run to for any reason, providing all we need.

The one thing I learned early on, and hubby caught on to a little later?

We gotta own our own stuff.

What may have happened to us, or been said to us, may be completely terrible and meant for the pit.

How we choose to individually respond is what we need to own.

I am not saying not to name the people who hurt us.

I am saying how we deal with our hurts is what we are responsible for.

When all we do is shift the blame for everything to our offender, we create a void imbalance within us that was meant to be filled with repentance for our part.

When we don’t shoulder our own stuff, we can’t move forward from the weight we were never meant to carry, and we can’t come out from under that weight until we acknowledge our failings and responses.

Sometimes, there is no one else to blame.

When we internalize our own issues, these can dig down deep and add shame into the mix, because we didn’t take these roots out when we first became aware of them, and the sin morphs and spreads, like a darkness, within us.

The spaces meant for joy now hold shame.

Hidden in shadows instead of brought into the light.

Now we all occasionally raise our voices, lose our cool or speak without thinking to our spouse.

If we always blame one another, we will never have the closeness we want in our marriages.

How we handle the issues in our marriages determines whether we are returning to the Garden of Eden before the fall or the Garden of Exile afterwards.

If we choose to walk with the enemy, we will remain constantly undermined in our relationship as fear, insecurity & distrust begin to rise and our emotions run high.

If we choose to walk with God daily, allowing His Presence to be our Rock, Guide & Foundation, we will know we are loved, see one another as treasures, and learn let go of what needs to be left behind as we see more clearly through His eyes, and love one another with His heart.







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