We may never get to know why here on earth.
What God wants uprooted in us may never make sense without the lens of eternity.
And the reality is, that’s how it is sometimes.
Because we are not equipped with the complete fullness of His wisdom, His insight and His vision.
We get to see the view in part, whereas He gets to see things in light of all of human history and eternity.
And I have accepted that this mystery is always going to be unsettling and faith challenging.
Instead of raging at the sky and repeatedly hurling ‘why?’ I take the path less trodden and head to the cross.
Now I don’t say that as someone who has never had anything terrible happen to them or a loved one ripped suddenly from their heart, for that isn’t me. I have suffered, suffer and will suffer again before my time to move into eternity comes.
Jesus is a shining example of grace, love and humility under intense suffering.
- His people rejected Him.
- One of His best friend betrayed Him, with a loving gesture, of all things. For money.
- His disciples didn’t fully understand Him, and needed repeated reminders of what He was really saying.
- He lived far away from His true Home, wrapped in human frailty. He didn’t have a house to call His own once He began His ministry.
- The upper class constantly challenged Him.
- The every day people hardly gave Him a moments peace because of their great need.
- He had to often withdraw to get refreshed and rested up.
- He cried when one of His closest friends suddenly died.
- He lost his earthly father at some point between puberty and ministry.
- He had a constant target on His back and was always in the enemy’s crossfires.
- He was in agony in prayer for the cup of suffering to be taken from Him, but didn’t blame God or hold back from what was to come out of anger or resentment.
He humbly, willingly came to us.
Knowing He would suffer.
Knowing He would be misunderstood.
Knowing He would be rejected.
Knowing He would experience great loss.
So why do we in our pride think we are supposed to have an easy ride this side of heaven?
If God Himself suffered the rages of time, relationships, politics and religion while here on earth, why do we think we don’t have to?
What He instead modeled was drawing close to God in the midst of all the turmoil, drudgery, pain, hopes, grief…
And walking out the revelation which we see in the Word that the presence of God was with Him.
God is with us through everything. Why He doesn’t stop everything may never make sense from seeing the individual knots of string on the backside of the tapestry of human history intersecting the living God which He is weaving.
But one day, it will.
One day, He will make the why known to us.
In His timing.
When He knows we are ready to hear it.
With the passing of time comes insight. And looking back I can see the fruit which grew out of my suffering in a season.
So I choose to lay down my why, and lift up my voice in worship and hope-filled wonder instead.
In wonder because God Himself is with me, always, everywhere, every moment. He will never leave me, ever. He has not only chosen me, He loves me and considers me a jewel in His crown. The apple of His eye. His favorite. His treasure. His Beloved.
And I will continue…
●To worship Him for who He is, which helps me to realign my vision with His and my heart to beat in time to His.
●To choose to press in and pursue our relationship when all I want to do is stay under the covers and weep.
●To choose hope over despair. Kindness over hardened heart. Love over loss.
●To come to the cross and lay down all I am carrying or wrestling with at His feet knowing He gets suffering, and knows how to best help me heal.
This part of a worship song written by Jennifer Holm (All Sons and Daughters) which worship leader Paul Baloche shared via social media last night resonated within me anew this morning, and says my heart cry so eloquently.
“We lay down our burdens, surrender our pride. We battle these worries, confess every lie. We cast off our anger, we fight through these fears. We cry out for freedom, Oh Lord draw us near. To the cross I come…”