when you need some time to process your grief

KL loss of friend Seneca quote .

Last week began with the news that a coworker of mine who had been battling cancer since January had been admitted to the ICU. Not the results so many of her family and friends had been praying and hoping for.

Surrounded by her family, she peacefully passed into God’s embrace mid day Friday.

Not only was she a skilled coworker, with a lot of spunk and zest for life, she was a devoted mother first, and part of a very tight knit family. In fact, where I work is owned by one of her sisters.

Until last Tuesday, I had been believing for a complete healing for her. I had been praying this way every time she came to mind since I first heard the news in January.  When I heard that she had been admitted to ICU Tuesday, I wrestled with my emotions. Intense sadness, loss and a bit of anger.  Initially, I was angry because I know He can heal her. For the Word shows us how much He loves us, and that His heart is for healing, restoration and wholeness. So I will be honest, I felt let down.

Friday, God reminded me that He had indeed 100% healed my friend. She is in heaven, where she will never experience another tear, hurt or pain.  Why did He choose to heal her that way?  An old memory came back to mind, and I began to see how His ways are not ours, and how His plans ultimately end up for our good.  Even when we cannot see it in the moment, or near future.

When I was expecting my daughter, my husband and I were in a small group led by an older couple with adult children.  One of their daughters was a missionary in Russia.  She was murdered by someone she knew for some money in her safe, meant for adoption fees for Russian orphans.  This couple was devastated. Yet when asked to lay hands upon her and pray for her restoration, they felt God saying that she was to be a seed, and her planting would cause great growth for His kingdom.  When I sang at her funeral, you could sense God was moving mightily in the situation, even if it had not been caused by Him. There was indeed many who became believers out of this situation, and others like me who saw their faith, and pressed in to Him all the deeper.

Somehow God is in this loss of my friend.  Even though she has left a grieving son, mother, siblings, coworkers, etc behind. Even though it doesn’t feel like it, and we can’t see any reason why.

I am choosing to take Him at His Word, trust that He is good and constantly with me, even in the low and hard situations I encounter, such as this one.



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