awake from hiding

It has been a very strange few weeks for me. I have been working and getting ready for Christmas per usual.
Underneath it all, I have felt low.

Not able to put it into words, or really know what it is all about, I did the typical bury it and pull it out later when you have time to deal with it.

It came out yesterday.

I was told a while ago that I have some early signs of rheumatoid (the doctor thought) arthritis, as I am having some swollen joints on my index fingers, and difficulty opening zip lock bags or lidded jars. That conversation had stayed hidden for several years as well.

Yesterday, a comment from a coworker made me look up early symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis. And feeling low or depressed with no other cause, mild low grade fevers that come and go, and feeling stiff in the morning or after prolonged sitting are early symptoms.

It is not just in my head any longer. It can no longer hide.

I am not going to shove this away again, and deal with it later. I have some things I need to do, like see my doctor for a referral, tweak my exercise & diet, and make sure I get enough rest, worship & fun in to my daily mix of work, family and friends.

A label only has power over you when you choose to let it. Negative or positive is our choice. I am not going to allow any condition to overtake my wonderful life.

This revelation has been an answer to prayer for many years. I am especially thankful that whatever bothers me, big or small, matters to God, and He has not forgotten about it, even when I shoved it under the radar.

His depths

I allowed myself to get pretty low the other day.
I inwardly sank in emotional quicksand, because I took my eyes off my Hope.

My Hope is not that everything will turn out all right, because you and I and the whole world know that isn’t the case.

My Hope is found in knowing and trusting in three essential facts:
I am never, not ever, alone.
I am always, no matter what, loved.
All that happens to me will be repurposed, somehow, for God’s glory.

His depths are more than enough for the kiddie pool of despair that I am capable of mustering in comparison.
His grace shines in the love He sends my way, just waiting for me to jump into it and cover myself in it.

My Hope is a living amazing one, and I am so thankful for Him, especially when everything else seems to be pointing me towards my circumstances. My Hope shines brighter when I keep my focus on Him.

flesh & bones

My body is weary.

My back gave out last Tuesday night after I overdid it with work.
This not quite full winter season makes my joints ache.
Hubby is snoring again, and waking me up mid slumber.
My hands are literally tired. My usual winter crochet has not begun yet…

My list could be the same as yours, for we all reach the point of exhaustion when we feel like we can’t take anymore.

And some days, that feel more like a daze, my faith gets tired too.

Usually when I coast too long on a previous day’s Word or prayer, and forget to run to God on a daily or an hourly check in, depending on the day!

For we are caught in a war zone, as my previous quote by Building 429 so artfully expresses. The enemy is overt with his lies and propaganda, which can drown out the loving arms and quiet whispers waiting for us to draw near, if we allow Him to slip out of focus.

Run back with me tonight. Rest your weary self in His always there for us embrace. Let the needs slip to the wayside in the connecting with God, allowing Him to step in and touch and free and quiet us within. To find peace for my tired and worn body, and sleep in knowing I am loved, you are loved and never alone.

“So I run coz I know that I need You, for You’re the one who will come to my rescue.
My flesh and bones, caught in the war zone.”