abandon

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I want to rush with reckless abandon into Your embrace

My first waking thought is to run to You

Within just a few minutes
I have abandoned that thought, jumped into the must do’s
And onto the daily treadmill.

I am abandoning my old mindset,
Where I am weighed down from the guilt of my fickle thoughts.

Instead I am embracing grace.

When my thoughts wander, I am learning to catch them more quickly and turn my focus back onto God, not solely the task in front of me.

I am trying to listen more, keeping my bears open for what He may whisper to me.

What He whispers tells me more about who He is, who I am, and how He wants me to bless those in my path.

Tonight, I felt prompted to go into a store where I was waiting for something on order. I knew it wasn’t ready yet, but right before I asked, the sales gal got a call with the unfortunate news her nephew has been hit by a car. I got to share how I would pray for her nephew, her & the family that all would turn out OK, and they would all be kept safe. She then shared how her other nephew has just recovered from brain cancer, and they are still emotionally dealing with that.

She needed to hear someone was praying for her. She went right back onto the phone as we left, arranging coverage so she could head to the hospital. As soon as I stepped out of the store, I prayed out loud for her.

A few years ago, I would have been chicken to do so.

A knock on the head almost two years ago changed all that. A very mild concussion seemed to knock more sensitivity to what God wants and less care for how it looks to others loose within me.

I am the better for it.
And more open to God as a result.

When I allow God to speak and move more in me, I am drawing closer to abandon…

To being one with God.

One day, beloved.

For now, I draw close.
I seek His presence.
I worship with passion.
I listen with expectation.
I open my eyes to His vision.
Where He goes, I follow.

Living a life where I abandon myself to what He has for me, I find my true self.

The one I was designed and meant to be.

So I abandon that which will distract me from my purpose: being with the one I love.

All I am is all of Yours.

refuge

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There are days I just want to hide myself away.

Days where I say something dumb, forget to do something important, or simply look like I should have stayed home in bed. On the worst days, all three at the same time.

As much as I want to stay in hiding, tucked comfortably under my squooshy duvet, listening to my Hope cat purr as she snores beside me, I know deep down that this is only (albeit a lovely option) a temporary solution for me.

I have a rock solid, impenetrable refuge to hide in.

One where I am tucked tightly underneath the shelter of His wings.

Protected.
Safe.
Loved.
Valued.
Treasured.
Beloved.

When things head downhill in my life, I head for His presence.

He is my Hope.
My Protector.
Provider.
Healer.

He never fails me.
Always adores me.
Constantly with me.
He never lets me go.

He whispers promises.
Sings me love songs.
Accepts me as me.
Delights over me.

As attractive as my bed may look at 5:45 in the morning, knowing my soul can escape to my forever home with Him in the blink of an eye keeps me hopeful, no matter what I am facing.

And I have faced enough doozies in my life to not need any more:

Abandonment
Molestation
Bullying
Cutting
Depression
Physical Illness
Loss of loved ones
Loss of income
Rejection
Anxiety
Fear
Broken relationships

And God has proven Himself to be more than enough for and through every single one of them.

Every time.

My true refuge.

broken hearts

Over the past several months, i have met with two recently abandoned girl friends whose lives have been thrown into crisis.

Both of them now have hurting children, homes they are not sure they can afford to keep, and a more uncertain future moving ahead without their husbands. In these cases, both women had spouses who were not fully open to share what was going on inside of them, nor appreciative of the treasures they had at home.

Unfortunately, these mens’ choices to leave their wives not only literally emotionally beat up & scarred their abandoned confused wives, but also leave their children feeling abandoned and bewildered. One of these men has done so before, yet remains oblivious to the damage he is causing again. He has returned home after a week away, and I pray he will awaken to ask forgiveness for the turmoil he has caused and turn away from the behaviors that lead him to do so.

Nothing in this world is certain, except for uncertainty.

And the knowledge that the Creator’s heart is also breaking at the damage selfish hearts cause when they abandon without care.

People eating out of the garbage tossed aside by those who don’t think twice about where there garbage really goes. The hurting and broken living on the streets, because it’s safer than what they knew. Children in Africa tossed into wells, discarded when their family can no longer afford to feed them. Young girls in the middle east and eastern europe sold into arranged marriages way too young or prostitution, so the rest of the family can have enough to survive. Children around the world left to wonder, why wasn’t i loved? What’s wrong with me?

This is part of the reason my daughter headed to Africa this summer to love up on as many orphans as possible orphans…to show them someone cares, to hold, love, play with & comfort them.

This is why i minister to hurting women, women who need a hand to get their life back on track, women who feel abandoned, discarded, unloved. Who need to hear they are valued.

I was the child whose father died way too young in a drinking and driving accident. I was the child who was molested. I was the one always broken up with & discarded despite my faithfulness. I was the one struggling at 21 to find my place in the world when God found me, loved up on me, bound my wounds, healed me, adopted me.

He delights in me each and every day, just because i am His.

God and time are the only true healing factors that i have come across to heal broken hearts. I am walking proof.

A broken heart can mend, when God puts it back together again.

His feelings for us are the only constant in this uncertain world. He loves us always, and that will never change.