Tag: boundaries

holding fast

Karla Lees

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
*Psalm 16:6-8 ESV

The path has been quite rocky over this most recent leg of this journey.

Changes left & right have caused me to recenter & stand firm on the unshakeable truth: God alone is my sure foundation.

I have had to take a step back & closely examine what matters most to me, and He has been reshaping me on the inside while the storms swirl around me on the outside.

By the way, a storm is anything that tries to knock you on your Foundation.  It can be a temptation, a spiritual attack, a crossing of a boundary, a sudden loss….any unexpected change, big or small.

God has been quietly prompting me to allow Him to set my boundary lines, and giving me the strength to hold fast to Him as I do.

Boundary #1: God time is in permanent marker in my schedule, wherever & whenever He wants. 

Allowing Him ownership blesses my time, makes me more confident He is with me & more productive at all I do.

Boundary #2: Self care under His direction is not selfish.

This includes enforcing my need for balance. Too much work at a time leaves me exhausted & drained. As part of my work is freelance, I now have boundaries on when I will/will not work which God is helping me reinforce.

Boundary #3: After God, my family is more important.

God didn’t just randomly refer to children as treasures or gifts we were never meant to unwrap. Your spouse is to be your best friend, the one you go to first after God with whatever is bugging you. God wants us to have daily family time, however that can look for your family. Meals, DVD, walking, laughing, worshipping together…. We miss the tight bonds God planned for us when we fail to put family ahead of all else after Him.

Boundary #4: Saying no is to be welcomed when it is enforcing a boundary, and/or following His leading.

I have a hard time with this one, as several people around me like to try and bypass my no. What is urgent to them is to become my urgent project to be immediate dealt with. If I am already working, or on a day off, I need to say no or not yet.  If they can’t accept it, that isn’t my problem. As the Polish saying goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys!”

The reality is: I am not on call 24/7 to anyone but God or my family.

I suspect I am not the only one who needed to read that truth today. If your ‘no’ is not being respected, then quite honestly the requester is not respecting you. Stand up for yourself, and if you have to, take a stand. I have left a job I was very good at because my employer crossed the boundaries I had clearly set. As much as I hated doing so at the time, it was the best thing I could have done for myself to learn how to enforce my boundaries, knowing God was with me as I did so. No means no.  God will back you for standing firm on a boundary He has helped you set.

Boundary #5: God & I together are free to change, adapt or create new boundaries at any time. I don’t need anyone else’s permission to follow His lead.

Now, if I do something completely out of character or fall into sin, it will become obvious to those around me whether God is in it or not. We are known by our actions & their fruit, not only our words. We are to be considerate & honor one another, and at the same time we are not be someone else’s doormat to be walked all over at their convenience.

I speak from experience that I have learned the difference between serving & being a slave.

I will not head back into the chains God rescued me from.

I had spiritually cowered like Piglet for way too long, being timid and afraid to speak up for myself. Allowing God to direct me into healthier living has enabled me to see that where He wants me to step, in His Presence, will lead me towards becoming the ‘me’ He designed me to become.

Final Thoughts:

I don’t need to apologize when I improve for the better, when Holiness & Love grip me so tight I become broken to be rebuilt into something better & more precious: More His.

My boundaries all lead back to freeing myself to live more fully in the wide open spaces of His love, mercy, grace & Presence, where He is constantly with me.

So the winds will continue to try & sweep me off my feet. Let them come, I say:

Because if I am already on my knees, I will not be shaken.

God’s promise: When I stay close to Him & follow His lead, He’s got me solidly 100% on His grip.

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In His strength, I can stand firm and hold my ground when the storms circle about me.

Hold fast, dear ones.
God knows the way ahead, and the way through.
He’s got you.

fences

Karla Lees

There are fences that are designed for your protection, and fences that keep you penned in.

What are your fences protecting?
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Fences as I am referring to them, for our protection, are also known as boundaries.

Boundaries are ‘do not cross’ lines. They don’t have to be visible to be enforced, kind of like invisible electric dog fences. When we are making sure our fences are fully operational, we can get a shock when there is an attempt to breach.

For me, I have a boundary around my work hours. I can flex to a certain degree, but when I am booked off, I am off. (obviously a major accident or loss of a loved one aside emergencies are not included in this category)

One job kept crossing that line, so I found a new job where this boundary would be respected.

The same goes for my phone. I keep my ringer off & notifications on low (visual only) 95% of the time so I get to choose when I answer the phone, versus the phone getting to make that decision. I had to make this boundary as I had a friend who likes to text me in the wee hours, which interfered with my sleep. So, now I get back to her after I wake up, in my timing.

I have a few other deeper ones, but suffice it to say, they are worth defending in my opinion, as they are usually ones I have had God’s help in designing, and need His help to protect and maintain. Keeping my marriage, my kids and family relationships strong takes time, effort and protection.

Like the knights of old, we need to be on guard to protect our castles (really big fences around what we want to protect- family, home) against attack.

The enemy doesn’t want us on guard, or looking to God as our defense.

Sometimes, he can take the back door approach.

We can be defending our outer fences so much, we forget to take care of the fences we may have constructed in our hearts.

You see, we can sometimes fence in things like unforgiveness, pain, anger, turmoil and let them fester & eat away within us.

We can fence in our healthy emotions behind the negative ones if we don’t let them out for God to help UA sort out what needs to be done, or forgiven, or both.

It’s time to build our fences in the pastures God has for us, instead of our past.

As God helps you tear down the fences within you built to protect yourself from your own pain , hurt, brokenness or sin, may He help you set up the boundaries of your life so you remain dependent on Him, and not the boundaries themselves.

oh where is my hairbrush?

Karla Lees

I am a put it back in its spot kinda gal.
Not too OCD about it, but I like to be able to easily find my stuff. My son is a lot like me in this way.

Not so my hubby or daughter. They have the ‘where it lands, there it will stay’ approach when they gets stressed or are working too hard, which is most of the time it seems.

This causes pile ups where open space should be.

I have five must have open/keep it tidy areas in my small cozy home:
My coffee table
My front hall
My kitchen counters & table
My main bathroom counter
The bottom of the stairs

I don’t care about toilet paper or toothpaste unless you leave me without any. Another story for another day!

Nor the computer desk (about a 1-2 min straighten job) which we all share in our living room.

But when movies get randomly placed about the house, stuff is piled right by the front door so its the first thing you see when you come in my home, and there is more stuff in the way so I can’t get into my basement, well I get ticked.

Annoyed.

I make sure that I have certain foods in the house for my family members, I make sure I pay the bills, arrange transportation when needed, do the bulk of the laundry, the grocery shopping and meal planning. The taxes. Vacation planning.

Not whining, coz I love my family, and want to serve. Just saying.

All of the above, like many other moms, on top of working outside the home.

And I am tired of feeling it is ALL on my plate, ALL of the time.

So today, after a cool down period offsite, I came home and spoke up.

My son is taking on a few more weekly chores, which he can choose to do whenever, as long as they get done.

My daughter has a major project she needs to get done on time or a new needed item she wants will not be purchased next weekend.

My hubby has agreed to do a few of the smaller weekly jobs I cannot do easily due to allergies/physical challenges.

The laundry and cooking schedule is going up later tonight. You are on unless you arrange a trade!

After a frustrating inconvenient hour trying to locate MY hairbrush, the final straw for me today, I realized that part of the problem was me.

You see, NOT speaking up and trying to do it all yourself is not only crazy for its superhero mentality, it is overwhelmingly not realistic.

It is okay to say you can’t, or you need help.

Its okay to say no, you are not meeting my needs (not wants in this case).

In fact, its healthier than keeping it in and brooding over situations like this, which can lead to a sudden storm of anger over a smaller irritation yet to come….potentially damaging relationships in the burst of emotions.

So I have accepted that it is okay that I like things mostly in their place. That I want to be tidy, not an obsessive neat freak- but comfortable to have any friend (mine, hubby’s or the kids’) stop by and visit last minute without being embarrassed by the state of my home.

I want to feel welcome in my home.
Free to be me, but also teach and demonstrate to the rest of my family the art of consideration for those we live with- whether family, friends, roommates or pets.

The crisis is over.
I found my hairbrush.
The stairs have been cleared of the items that tried to trip me last night.
I also discovered a few new boundaries going into place in the process.

Family is a team, not full of solo participants. All working together for the good of the whole.

Its about we, not just me’s.