Tag: family

live life in community

Karla Lees

For many years, I have felt on the outside looking in… maybe you too can relate.

There have been seasons where I was missing having close sisters. That feeling where you long for family beyond the blessings you already have, Where my heart felt lonely despite a loving hubby, great kids, friends & family.

Heart sisters.

And I remember one day praying to Him, and ripping this longing from my heart & offering it to Him.

We were never meant to walk alone.

We are designed for community.

Community for me means walking along side those who share your passion & calling, who will give you a hand up on the hard days, and encourage you to unfurl the dreams yet to fly deep within.

live life in community (1)

We were meant to live life in community, just as our Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit do!

There are three elements of community which God has been revealing to me of late.

1. Come.

If you don’t show up, it isn’t community. Community gathers regardless of feelings, because it knows we are better together than on our own. Where we answer the invitation God offers to us all, to come and be. Be fully present, as you are.

2. Commune.

Also known as family. Living real lives together. Accepting us each as works in progress, on a journey towards wholeness:

  • Encouraging one another as we need it
  • Reminding one another to draw closer to Him and our loved ones
  • Giving our best at all times
  • Using our gifts for His glory
  • Praying over & for each other when needs arise
  • Being helping hands when we can meet another’s need
  • Crying together, sharing our brokenness
  • Offering one another a safe place to rest and be refreshed when we are weary

3. Unity.

When we gather with common purpose, somehow our unity makes us stronger, and greater than when we stand alone. I believe this is the secret to how God is which we gloss over in its complexity: God is three, yet one. Each fully their own person, yet united as One.

In community, we become the one He intended us to be.

Will community always be amazing? Nope. There will be hard times when our individuality rears its voice and cries out for attention, when we allow our unhealed places & pain to speak first.

Is community worth it? Always. There will be blessings you cannot yet imagine when we press in and dig deep together.

For me, community involves sisterhood. I have been so blessed with several heart sisters to live daily life with in the community I live in, here in Ontario. I don’t want to imagine life without them. They bless me more than they know.

But there was still an empty space left in my heart, a longing for more which was yet to come…which I believe we all have deep within.

God led our family to a new home church, and once we worked through our grief of missing where we had been, we found ourselves enveloped in the community He planned for us. Our family, as both a unit & individually, is the stronger & healthier because of it. Our church is intentional about loving God and loving people, and becoming family. Family is always welcome, warts and all.

He led me to Remade, and Beth Kinder. Beth & I connected, and before I knew it, I had the close sisters my heart had been longing for through their online community. Crossing country borders, denomination, age, race & status. Ministering, laughing, crying, writing, equipping, challenging, living life together despite the mileage that separates us. And that last longing was put to rest when I was welcomed in, and asked to join this community. Although Remade has morphed into a new season, I am still heart connected with the lovely sisters I met through that time of ministering together.

As I have followed His leading, He has blessed me with new friendships, and reawakened a few dreams through growing deeper in the communities He is planting me in.

Covid led to me putting a few former learned skill back into action, as I began to lead an online women’s Facebook group, helping sisters stay & feel connected despite lockdowns, through worship, bible study, prayer and sharing both the laughter & tears as we get to know each other.

God can unite us beyond our expectations when we follow His lead.

Community is His idea, the expression of how He lives life together as three in one.

Come, commune with Him & become one. This is the core of community, connected & grounded to God first.

Ask Him to draw you closer to the community He has for you here on earth.

Your best ‘you’ comes to life in the community where He waits to make it possible.

If you are intrigued by the concept of an online community, ask God to lead you to the One He has for you. Feel free to visit my connect page for ways to connect with my online community, for there is always room for one more!

If you too live in Canada, and long to meet with other Christians in the larger church community, Gather Women is crossing Canada and meeting provincially.

If you too have been lonely for the deeper authenticity and support of community, don’t allow your lack to drive you. Invite Holy Spirit to open your eyes to where He wants you to gather, connect and live in community.

Sunday Psalm: time well spent

Karla Lees

A Sunday well spent brings a week of content.

Sunday.

The day we are urged to rest.

Connect with what matters most.

Look back at what was, leave behind what needs to stay there, and adapt as we need to move forward changed for the better.

Remind each other we care.

Remind our souls we are Beloved. 

Listen for His voice before all others, helping us reset our priorities for His Kingdom first.

There is nothing I like more than celebrating Sunday morning with my heavenly family, Sunday afternoon with my sofa, and Sunday evening with my loved ones.

To me, Sunday’s not so much about what I do apart from resting in His Presence.

May we take some time to soak in who He is and who we really are before stepping into the week ahead.

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community: family by choice

Karla Lees

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I am very blessed in community.

I know several people who feel like they are all alone in their circumstances or situations, and the reality is: often it’s due to your choices.

We don’t always reach out to show our need nor vulnerability when we can, so we essentially build a wall to block out connection when everything within us may be craving it.

Connection begins with a choice to be vulnerable, and let someone in.

Community happens when hearts are knit together through regular connection.

Family occurs when God blesses community with a love which can only come through weathering the storms arm in arm, knowing your family has your back and won’t leave you on your own.

Jesus modeled this well while He walked among us.

He carried an atmosphere of invitation to those who were outcast and lonely in society, and they came.

The disciples are a perfect example of choosing to connect, seeing what someone is capable of beyond their current situation, becoming community through shared living, and becoming family by choice.

God deliberately chooses to connect with each of us.  He wants us to live in close community with Him, Abba Jesus Holy Spirit.  He wants you to walk knowing you are already in His forever family, even if we aren’t physically there yet.

God didn’t choose those we would automatically assume would be on the inside.

For His community is family by His choice.

●Cain, marked with His divine protection despite his crime.

●Jacob, wrestling with God after stealing his brother’s birthright.

●Saul, more concerned with following his fears than God’s leading.

●David, lacking strong self control over his attraction to women.

●Solomon, who tried everything under the sun to come to the realization that without God, all is futile.

●Paul, murderer of the faithful.

●Moses, the stutterer.

And just so we keep it real, there were also women He chose to include in His community which make us sit up and pay attention:

○Sarai, who laughed off the Promise to come.

○Hagar, who took off when things got tough.

○Pilate’s Roman wife, who had dreams of the Jewish Messiah.

○Elizabeth, barren for so long she must have given up hope of a child, chosen to bear the forerunner to the Messiah. (And her priest husband ●Zachariah, struck dumb when he doubted the angel delivering God’s Good News, in the Holy of Holies!)

○Tamar, who tricked her father-in-law to do the right thing but broke the law to do so.

○The Samaritan woman at the well, with her colourful history, spreading the word about living water.

All of these people are and were part of His story through the family He chose to create.

And we are included.

We have the opportunity to build community and family wherever we are,  for we carry God with us.

The Father who is just waiting for us to come near and join the family.

The Son who is just waiting to connect with us and not only show us who we truly are but help us become whole.

The Holy Spirit who draws us into community, helping us to see beyond our natural sight the Kingdom He is shaping about us.

Community is family by choice.

It has always been God’s choice to choose you.

It is your choice to accept the invitation of life long family and beyond which He has always offered, or stand alone on your own two feet.

Only you can make the decision to move into connection, to stay isolated in your current situation.

Community is family by choice.

small nests

Karla Lees

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I have discovered small quarters can work as an amplifier for those living within them.

I prefer a cozy sized home.  For our family of four (plus pets), our home has been perfect for us. A home that wraps about us,and embraces us.

We don’t have too much privacy from one another in our about 1300 square foot house, but for me, that has helped make it a home.

Home to me is not a pristine show place, but a place where grace & love are experienced daily. Where disagreements & squabbles can’t be swept under the rug of excess space, and His Presence can be found.  Where we aim for peace before bed, forgiveness to flow 24/7 & new mercy every morning.

I am not naturally comfortable in big spaces or places, but have learned that as long as I know I am going home to where I truly belong, I can make due.

The same can be said about our relationship with God.

I want God to make Himself comfortable in every room of His home within me.  I want Him to be in charge of making it a home He wants to hang out in.  I don’t want so much space across the rooms that I can’t see Him at work in it. 

I want His love to have free reign within, but find I need to be reined in so He can expand & fill me more fully.

I want to be small enough I can acknowledge His need, and overflow beyond my needs into the waiting hands longing for His touch about me.

I want His love within to be seen more than the size of my house, or heart. 

My experience?

Love grows best in small nests.

I often refer to my home as my Nest. When I feel His Presence most at home, I like to refer to it as “nestformysoul.”  If I don’t need to be away from home, you can usually find me in my Nest, resting on my spot on our sofa, reading, singing or writing when I am alone, spending time with my family & friends.

Bind us together

Karla Lees

Like the anticipation of the arrival of spring, the Word has moving, stirring and growing deeper within me in a few areas as of late, but especially His desire for unity.

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! Psalm 133:1

God is blessed when we live in community. Even that very word includes both the requirements for healthy community: “come” into “unity.” When we unite, God releases a blessing upon us as we come together to seek Him in community, for He draws near.

Community isn’t always pretty, but it is His design for us. I have learned the hard way that sometimes we wound one another, hold back forgiveness or gossip…because we take our eyes off of the One who binds us together, and forget to love another as He has loved us. No holds barred, with no grievances between us:

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Colossians 3:13-14

When we show love to one another as Jesus did for us, while we listen for His leading, we find the differences between us start to mellow into the background, to fade behind His love as the melody uniting us together:

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as family, be compassionate and humble. 1 Peter 3:8

Living in harmony doesn’t mean we always agree, because we are all uniquely wired and gifted, but it means family is more importance than our differences.  We work it out with his help, because He desires it:

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:3

As a community, we honor God when we pull together as one. For the One who died for us all is our unifying factor, the commonality which is the basis for our community as a body of believers. When we all use our gifts for His glory, not our own, our unity becomes apparent to those around us. The community at large takes notice when His people live and work together in unity.  When peace abounds instead of division and turmoil. Where we willingly submit to one another out of love, placing the needs of the body above our own. When we confess to one another our offences and flaws, and find forgiveness, true rest for our souls.

This world is screaming out self-satisfaction, for life to be all about ‘me.’ When we gather in unity to worship God, following His way and not our own, His peace can be sensed in our communities. Not only in each of us as individuals, but in our collective focus on Him. As our prayers arise to Him, asking for Him to make us one, He releases a fresh wind of His presence, and community.

May God continue to bind us together, into the One heart at the core of the body, His.

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home is where your family is found

Karla Lees

I have a confession to make.

I love being in family.

I love family in all its quirks, black sheep, & uniqueness through the ups & downs of living life in close quarters.

I have found over the years that when I have been the loneliest, I have not been keeping in close touch with family.

God sets the lonely in families.
Psalm 68:6

Or my translation:
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And much as I love my earthly family, and the family I have made through friendship & church, I have discovered those aren’t the most important family connections for me to avoid loneliness. You can still feel lonely in a crowd of people who love you. Which I know first hand.

Because I have a tendency to feel like the black sheep, and want to hide when I don’t feel like I fit.  I am not gifted like many of my family members, and have felt on the outside looking in for more time than I care to admit….which is one of the number one contributors to my feeling lonely.

When loneliness swirls about me like a fog, I need to press in and draw close to my heavenly family, for:

My Father reminds me who I am to Him… chosen.

Jesus anchors me in the family…. beloved.

Holy Spirit guides me along the journey… pursued.

Together they want me, mold me, cleanse me, shape me, heal me, laugh with me, cry with me, comfort me and make me the best me I can be when i spend time in their Presence.

I am not a black sheep in God’s family…for all His sheep have been made white through the blood of the Lamb.

I can be myself, as God designed, when I am in His Presence.

I have found that sharing my words through writing, worshipping in song & silence, and spending time sinking into the Word, I draw closer to my Family, and somehow I also feel closer to my earthly family.

When we know we are loved, we are better able to offer love to those around us, especially the ones who know us the best – warts, quirks & all!

I want to thank you, reader, for sharing this, my 501st post to my blog!

To celebrate, please let me know if one of the below would interest you to read about by Feb 13th, and as a thanks offering back to you all, I will post about the most requested one on Feb 14th!

1. The Father’s Love

2. Psalm 139

3. The Prodigal Son

4. Psalm 23

Blessings,

Karla 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

when finding your place in this world is awkward

Karla Lees

The Christmas story is filled with awkward.

What else would you expect from a family tree which includes a prostitute, foreigners, broken relationships, wars, and a king or two…

A story with key people whose dreams came true, but in ways they didn’t anticipate:

Zechariah & Elizabeth having John in their later years.  Not arriving in their youth as they would have thought. Then they failed to name him according to tradition, as if the miracle baby needed even more attention….

Joseph got the girl of His dreams- who surprise! came already with child. An unexpected instant family.

Mary made pregnant by the Holy Spirit. So not the traditional way.

The Romans calling a census, so it was likely Mary would not be home with her family or midwife to have her baby.

Three angelic sightings – each sharing awkwardly good news with the hearer:

Your dream is coming true,
but its gonna look like this!

We are all hardwired…

…to want to belong.
…to feel loved.
…to know that we matter.

I believe God hardwired us this way on purpose.

Then He drops our deepest desire into our hearts.  And once we figure out what that is, we want nothing more than to see it fulfilled.

The same can be said of God.

He wants to fulfill the God-given desires and dreams He has given us.

But He is going to fill them how He knows they will be the best gift possible- His way.

Because God knew the timeline for the Christmas story, each part was layered to be great on its own, but fantastic when out together.

Tonight, I make the choice to see the big picture instead of my limited view. Believing that God has it all under control, when all I can see is in pieces and awkward!

God with us, despite our messiness.

Guiding us through as we place ourselves in His capable hands.

Just like Mary & Joseph, Zechariah & Elizabeth, trusting He is going to do something amazing with the little we have to offer Him!

#AdventuresinAdvent continue…

soul custody

Karla Lees

Our souls were never designed to be in the tug of war battles we find ourselves in.

They were designed
to be pursued by One
and pursue only One.

And ever since that lie
in the Garden
where perfect oneness
had existed between man, woman & God
the enemy has continued
to speak poison to our souls

You are not worth it
God isn’t enough
no one loves you
why bother
give up
stop trying
you aren’t special

And we tie up our resources trying to soothe our souls from the effects of believing those lies:
overeating
undereating
addictions: sex, shopping, porn, alcohol, gambling, drugs

When we fail to get to the roots of what is growing in our souls, which is evident from the fruit we produce, the poison continues to mutate and grow stronger as it increases in strength.

Our souls were never meant to be soil for the enemy. We were not designed to be his playground.

We were meant for oh so much more.

God designed us to hear His voice, in response to a longing we may have difficulty putting into words, but exists regardless.

That deep down heart’s cry desire to be known.
But not just known:
Accepted.
Adored.
Appreciated.

We long to connect at the core of who we are to the One who created us with this God sized vacuum only He can fill.

When we settle for less than the best for our souls, they will go along for a while off road, but the road starts getting bumpier, muddier and further away from where we thought we should be.

Our soul cries out for sole custody in our Maker’s care.

The battle for our souls has been being wager since that lie was spoken, enticing Eve & Adam to want more than they already had.

What God had spoken of as not just good, but very good.

The same God who walked alongside them in the Garden wants to walk beside you.

Not only does He offer Himself as your escort, He offers to set you free from the lies and pain that affects your soul. He came not only to tell us He loved us, but show us just how much He does as well.

If you are showing the signs of an inner battle being waged, and are tired of fighting on your own, please know God is waiting for you to say the word.
Help.

And He will come, this Father who is longing to adopt us into His forever family, heal us, give us our freedom, and pour out His love into our battered, weary souls.

We were designed for sole custody.

Let Him be all He was meant to be for you: mind, body, spirit, soul.

Life as you know it will change, when your soul begins to become whole and find its resting place, its true home in Him.

The only holding up this custody battle is the child in question.

God has already won the ultimate battle, and the enemy knows it.

Don’t let him win.

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alone or lonely?

Karla Lees

Which do you feel more like:
alone
or
lonely?

Alone is the absence of people,
while lonely is the absence of connection. – Camerin Courtney

I have learned, the hard way, to listen to my mood within when I am on my own, and how to discern which I am feeling in a solo moment.

It is harder to feel alone in a crowd, but very lonely? Quite common.

It is easy to feel alone and lonely when you are skipped over in a group, or ignored in conversation, especially with strangers in close corners.

alone is a state of being
lonely is a mindset

alone can sometimes be fixed simply by being with other people, where loneliness can be harder to cope with

There are two truths I use to combat when I feel lonely, or all alone:

Deuteronomy 31:6
God will never leave me or forsake me.

With Him, I am never alone.

As a child whose birth father decided family life was not for him, then unexpectedly passed away when I turned three, abandonment & feeling unwanted was an identity I wore for far too long.

The verse above helped me wear a confidence I now have for eternity… I am never ever ever going to be alone.

I am FEEL alone at times,but that verse reminds me of the truth-
I AM never alone, forevermore.

But how do you handle feeling overwhelmed with loneliness?

Do I struggle with this?
Oh yes, too often it seems.
Starting a new job, switching churches, moving to a new neighborhood…
I don’t handle transitions very well at first, on the inside.

In fact, I still struggle with this one more than feeling alone, and recently God reminded me of one of my other lesser known fave verses in His Word…

Psalm 68:6
6A God sets the lonely in families…

And I was instantly reminded of how He answered the prayer of my heart from a very young age… my deep desire for sisters.

I now have the best sisters any girl could ask for.

They are truly additions to my family.

I believe Jesus found the same connection with His disciples.

My sisters help me make it through some days by:
encouraging me to keep moving my hubby & kids & parents,
keep challenging myself at work,
cheer me on when I sing or write,
and love up on me when I need it.

When you laugh, cry,
support & help one another in
both the best & the hard times,
break bread, eat Thai, drink Chair,
share a love of books, music,
and gratitude for all we do have
together…
you become family.

Being adopted by God though Jesus into God’s forever family
has dramatically lessened my core loneliness when I keep it in mind.

I try to use the Word to help me let go of what I want to and replace it with what I need to:

Inviting His Presence into all my nows.

Welcoming His love through those He chosen to show me love.

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Its time to #WordUp & keep the Word close at hand, letting God fill the gaps & strengthening us as we walk out His truth.

We are never alone when we are His child.

He shows me His love through those who love me.

oh where is my hairbrush?

Karla Lees

I am a put it back in its spot kinda gal.
Not too OCD about it, but I like to be able to easily find my stuff. My son is a lot like me in this way.

Not so my hubby or daughter. They have the ‘where it lands, there it will stay’ approach when they gets stressed or are working too hard, which is most of the time it seems.

This causes pile ups where open space should be.

I have five must have open/keep it tidy areas in my small cozy home:
My coffee table
My front hall
My kitchen counters & table
My main bathroom counter
The bottom of the stairs

I don’t care about toilet paper or toothpaste unless you leave me without any. Another story for another day!

Nor the computer desk (about a 1-2 min straighten job) which we all share in our living room.

But when movies get randomly placed about the house, stuff is piled right by the front door so its the first thing you see when you come in my home, and there is more stuff in the way so I can’t get into my basement, well I get ticked.

Annoyed.

I make sure that I have certain foods in the house for my family members, I make sure I pay the bills, arrange transportation when needed, do the bulk of the laundry, the grocery shopping and meal planning. The taxes. Vacation planning.

Not whining, coz I love my family, and want to serve. Just saying.

All of the above, like many other moms, on top of working outside the home.

And I am tired of feeling it is ALL on my plate, ALL of the time.

So today, after a cool down period offsite, I came home and spoke up.

My son is taking on a few more weekly chores, which he can choose to do whenever, as long as they get done.

My daughter has a major project she needs to get done on time or a new needed item she wants will not be purchased next weekend.

My hubby has agreed to do a few of the smaller weekly jobs I cannot do easily due to allergies/physical challenges.

The laundry and cooking schedule is going up later tonight. You are on unless you arrange a trade!

After a frustrating inconvenient hour trying to locate MY hairbrush, the final straw for me today, I realized that part of the problem was me.

You see, NOT speaking up and trying to do it all yourself is not only crazy for its superhero mentality, it is overwhelmingly not realistic.

It is okay to say you can’t, or you need help.

Its okay to say no, you are not meeting my needs (not wants in this case).

In fact, its healthier than keeping it in and brooding over situations like this, which can lead to a sudden storm of anger over a smaller irritation yet to come….potentially damaging relationships in the burst of emotions.

So I have accepted that it is okay that I like things mostly in their place. That I want to be tidy, not an obsessive neat freak- but comfortable to have any friend (mine, hubby’s or the kids’) stop by and visit last minute without being embarrassed by the state of my home.

I want to feel welcome in my home.
Free to be me, but also teach and demonstrate to the rest of my family the art of consideration for those we live with- whether family, friends, roommates or pets.

The crisis is over.
I found my hairbrush.
The stairs have been cleared of the items that tried to trip me last night.
I also discovered a few new boundaries going into place in the process.

Family is a team, not full of solo participants. All working together for the good of the whole.

Its about we, not just me’s.