Tag: healing

imprints

Karla Lees

image

Yesterday was officially Infant & Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day.

Those of us who have lost a child know three key things from our loss:

1. We think about it way more than once a year.

2. We need to talk about it more than once a year.

3. Things have been forever changed.

Once a year only serves as a jump off point for those who need to heal from this kind of loss.

Let me tell you, almost nothing in my life has been more traumatic than the loss of my first pregnancy.

Discovering that I carried him, and the heartbreak of losing him all within a six week period impacted me hard, like falling into a cement block would.

Yet this wee one, whose feet never touched the ground, had a positive impact upon me too.

For God reminded me:
– He had made him (I believe his name is Andrew) and gifted us with him. 
-all life is precious to Him, regardless of how long we get to spend here on earth
-He was with me in Andrew’s conception, his growth and his departing. He never left my side through it all.

I think often what life would have been like had Andrew made it to birth, and at every stage I have celebrated in wonder as my two miracles have grown before my very eyes.

You see, I was so traumatized by losing my first child that I was literally a fear time bomb when I realized I was pregnant again, with my daughter.

Yet God was so gracious in how He poured love, freedom and hope within me as He reassured me He was with me, every time I ran to Him & nestled into His embrace.

I discovered joy in both my following pregnancies, despite my fear.

My delivery of my daughter was a whole other drama (think about having a dozen witnesses!) but I made it through, and delighted in her arrival.  My son’s delivery was scarier, yet God gave me a peace beyond comprehension that he was going to make it, and he did.

Because I had been set free from the heartbreak of loss, I was able to whole hearted accept the gift He handed me. New life.

All my children have been incredible gifts.

One i will meet face to face beside Jesus.

The other two I am honored to say I will have the pleasure of introducing to their sibling who went on ahead one heavenly moment yet to come.

Sometimes when you have lost, in my case, the depth God went to to heal me from my miscarriage, you are blessed to have a heightened wonder at what you have been given afterwards.

If you too have lost a child, in utero or after birth, my heart goes out to you.

My heart has been made whole again despite my losses, grief and trials because its Maker has touched me and brought me back to life.

My prayer is that you will allow Him to do the same.

And may He rise up around you those who you can share your burden and grief with, who will direct you back to the Healer of all wounds, hurts & brokenness, as they love you alongside you in your loss.

Yet Andrew’s tiny feet have left an imprint on my heart which will never leave, nor do I want them to. I am a better mom, more compassionate friend, and can find joy in the mundane of the day to day because I know that I know He is with me, each step, every moment.

Losing Andrew and meeting God in the whirlwind of the emotion which followed taught me that.

weight & see

Karla Lees

Let the weight of glory come settle on us now….

-Bethel Music

I am learning to wait.

Like most of us, I dislike wasting time.

But I am learning in His Kingdom, time doesn’t flow in an earthy fashion.

Sometimes we need to wait.

Not because God isn’t instantly able to answer us, but because there are times where we are first meant to encounter His weight.

The weight of His glory.

When we sense how awesome and miraculous and wonderful and Holy and mighty He is, somehow regular time comes to a standstill, and the heavenly clock takes over.

I can’t describe it any other way, but I have encountered it and was mightily changed as a result.

The first time I had a “weight of glory” encounter, I had just had a miscarriage, and both my hubby & I were still reeling from the aftershock.  We ended up at a Vineyard service, and during prayer, I fell to the ground and God profoundly met me in that moment.

I was not the same after His weight fell on me.  I met God in a way I never expected, but am eternally grateful for.  He instilled a peace beyond understanding, and calmed my spirit as He spoke into my life.

This weight of glory? It is not a heavy one, the way we thing of excess weight, but a depth of understanding into who He is & how much He loves us which significantly blasts beyond normal relationship building.

In heavenly encounters, God can do more in one minute than we can accomplish in a month.

Another time, I was in a counseling session where God escalated the speed of my delivery from my past beyond what my counselors were expecting. Believers, they quickly caught on to what He was doing and joined in.  I wasn’t aware of this being unusual, until the counselors revealed their surprise at the end of the session.  He accomplished in three hours what they said would have normally taken several sessions to do.

When God shows us, the unexpected becomes possible.

If I had not been waiting expectantly for Him, I don’t believe i would have met Him in the ways I did.

The weight of glory, encountering Him, is worth my wait, and yours.

Are you weary of waiting?

Take hope, my friend.

Those that wait on the Lord will be renewed in His strength and walk in His power. (Isaiah 40:31)

Wait in His Presence.

He WILL come to those who wait for Him. (Hosea 6:3)

His Word promises us, reminds us several times, that He comes to those who wait upon Him.

And His Presence will fall with the weight of His glory on His willing vessels, waiting to be filled.

image

Sunday Psalm: Humpty Dumpty no more

Karla Lees

I was Humpty Dumpty,
sitting on the wall,
shakily leaning
one way then the other,
until one great shake
caused me to lose my balance
& have a hard fall.

I hit the ground hard,
shattered & cracked
and there I lay,
hurting, in pain, broken.

And then
You came along
& gently picked up my pieces,
lovingly restored me to life,
and painstakingly
mold me into Your vessel again.

Through the fire
You walk with me
as I am lead
to become strong again,
an increasingly used vessel
in the hand of the Potter
who made me
for just such a purpose.

My value is set in Your eyes,
the glow i give off after the fire
radiates Your glory
to all those around me,
as I seek You
for daily filling,
that You may overflow out
through me,
now Your
beautifully broken vessel.

Now fully
put back together,
in the hands
of my King,
shining with His passion,
beating with His heart,
standing in His Presence
scarred but firm in His grip
secure on His sure foundation.
image

#SundayPsalm

Band-Aids over bullet holes

Karla Lees

Bandaids don’t fix bullet holes, you can only cover up what has hurt you for so long. -Austin Dennis

Yesterday, I took a direct hit.

And boy it hurt.

I couldn’t address the wounding in the exact moment due to my shock, but bandaided myself in a stop gap measure as best i could and carried on.

A bandaid isn’t an effective treatment for a major wound, is it?

As soon as I got some time alone, i ripped off the bandaid, and asked God to pour His healing into the situation.

This morning, I am feeling like the bullet has been removed. But the situation isn’t rectified yet.

You see, I can forgive, but i can’t move on until the shooter has heard what they did.

For me, its not about justice, but honor.

The shooter was someone i respect, a fellow believer.  And when they get stressed out, they sharpshoot before taking a step back to take in the whole situation.

I get it, because my temper flares too.

God and i have spent years working on my giving my anger over to Him, and not responding in the moment it hits. I need to wait for the feelings to simmer so I can hear His voice telling me what to do when i have been hurt.

You’ll note, I am not talking about being offended, but wounded.

If i take offense at what someone does to me, I sharpshoot myself in the process.

If and when i am wounded, whether by a friend or enemy, I am called to forgive.

I am also called to speak up.

Because of my gifting, word wounds are especially hurtful. Some might receive them as a slap, I receive them as a gun shot.

I spent way too much of my life keeping my wounding in from the built up shock after shock, internalizing my pain in the most self destructive ways.

No more. As a daughter of the King, I deserve to treat myself better.

First I run to my Abba, and let His balm, tears & love enfold me in His embrace.

Then I allow Him to treat the wound: to cauterize, stitch, bind together the rawness left from the injury i have received.

I then ask Him to give me His perspective on the situation.  To see what He wants me to do, to speak what He wants me to speak, to forgive as He asks me to.

Finally, only after the previous steps, do i approach the one who wounded me.

Silent no more.

Grounded in who I am, and secure in His embrace, I can speak up with confidence, knowing my Abba is with me, and my voice has value to Him.

If you too are wounded today, draw near to your Abba.

Put on some worship music, get comfy before Him, grab that box of Kleenex, pad of paper & pen, and let it all out.

He will meet you in that pain, and begin the healing you & He are both longing for.

Don’t keep using a bandaid to cover up your hurt.

Allow the Healer to touch you, and make you whole again.

image

Hope in the broken

Karla Lees

Our brokenness opens us to a deeper way of sharing our lives and offering each other hope.   -Henri Nouwen

Yesterday, I had an overloading revelation while listening to a guest speaker at my church.

He reminded me of a verse that God has been whispering into my spirit a great deal lately:

They defeated the enemy through the blood of the Lamb & the bold word of their witness. – Rev 12:11 MSG

My testimony is filled with brokenness.

But covered in His blood as I stand under the shadow of His wings, He can use my testimony to bring hope to the broken around me.

For my broken bits have as much value as my gifts & talents in His hands.

Nothing is wasted in His Kingdom.

My history becomes HiStory when I open my mouth to speak or sing it or lift my hands to type it.

For my brokenness has been where God has moved in me the most, for it is where I depend all the more on His strength.

My brokenness reveals Him through my scars.

Like tattoos, each scar tells a story of where God met me in that broken moment, showing how He restored, healed, comforted, guided me beyond it.

My imperfections highlight His perfection.

No matter the struggle, the skirmish or hardship, God has proven Himself over & over to be with me in every single moment of brokenness I have encountered on this earth. He can be the Hope you need in your brokenness too.

May He shine through your gifts & talents, but even all the more through the cracked glimpses into Your former brokenness.

May your testimony smear hope on the hearts of all who hear, see or read it, and draw them closer to the Hope-giver.

All our hope can be and is found in Him.
image

name the doubt & grab His hem

Karla Lees

I am more than a bit timid when it comes to asking God for something i want for myself.

In fact, I tend to ask for myself as a tag along, or add on at the end of praying for other people’s needs.

Which isn’t a healthy symptom at all.

You see, that likely means i am not submitting to the fullness of what God has for me.

By struggling to try and cope on my own, i miss out not only on the strength He has for me, but experiencing His care and growing in our relationship.

And I am oh so tired of caring for myself on my own.

I remember reading the verses about the woman with the bleeding issue when i was first a believer, and relating to her:

And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her.  Luke 8:43

I too have had an issue with cysts and heavy bleeding since i was 14 years old.  No one has been able to stop it here on earth. I am thankful that it has slowed with medical intervention & eating a healthier diet (staying away from too much caffeine along with all soy & dairy has helped develop less cysts and keep my hormones more in check), but it has not been healed so far…

And today, I acknowledge to myself, God and all of you,  my heart has stopped believing in my dream…. to be able to say the following as part of my testimony:

She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. Luke 8:44

Boy, putting that into words both hurts and feels freeing to my spirit.

I say i believe, but my trust in His best plan for me has waffled over this issue….literally, of blood.

I believe, I know He can heal, for I have both seen it and experienced it in other ways.

But will He?

The Word reminds us God is our healer in many places, and how He has the best in store for those who love & follow Him.  I believe in that truth deep down.

His capability is not in question in my mind or heart.

His will is for me to be whole, fully restored, and healed.

But will He heal me in this area?

Ultimately, I know when I meet Him face to face as i enter eternity, I will be the me He planned for me to be since creation.  And i do draw comfort in that actuality, that fact yet to pass.

But will He heal me in this area now?

Timing becomes the question… I want His healing now.  I am weary of having spent 20 years of gross frustrating embarrassing and exhausting at times handling this issue.

And that is the crux of the problem.

I have been gripping this issue too tightly.

I have not fully let go of it and gripped on to His hem.

I am tired of trying to hold it all together, Lord.

I am letting go of my timing, my desires for You to heal  me on my terms.

I am grabbing the hem of Your robe, pressing in and refusing to let go.

Because I KNOW You want me healed.

I speak this out right now, I believe You’re my Healer.

You can, You want to, and You will heal me.

And until Your timing is released for this issue of blood to be removed from me, You will be more than enough to keep me in the midst of my struggle.

You have been for me since before I was born, and always will be.

I surrender my doubts that You don’t care about me enough to heal me, You may not ever heal me while I am here on earth, and I am not worthy to be healed.

Because of what You did on the cross, Jesus, You have made me worthy through the covering of Your blood. I can approach with confidence because the veil has been torn, and You invite me to come.  The One who rose from the grave? He is more than able.

And like the daughter in this story, I do not go unnoticed. You are keeping Your eye on me.

I pray that how the story ended for the woman in Luke 8 ends the same for me, but I am determined not be hiding when You do heal me, God, but shouting it from the rooftops. May You build in me the Rock solid faith I need for my healing to come to pass because of Your touch:

 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.  When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”  But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.” Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”

Reader,  did you know its okay to have doubts?

Its not okay to keep your doubts hidden.

We need to bring them out into the light of His presence, so He can help us seem them in alignment with His truth, and who He is.

Doubts hidden become strongholds of the enemy, giving him space in our minds where he was never meant to roam, and begin to trap our spirits in chains from the pit.  

God made us to long for more.

Come as you are to God. He loves us as we are….whether wounded, broken, hurting, doubting, fearful, angry, insecure, lonely.  He never makes us feel bad for our feelings, but as He pours His love into us, we can be healed and made whole beyond imagining.

He is and always will be more than enough for all we need, and works tirelessly to bring His design for us into reality!

So I will never let go of Your hem God. Because close to You is where i was meant to be.

 

 

 
image

resting declares freedom

Karla Lees

Resting is a declaration of freedom. -Kerri Weems

We are meant to wield our rest.

Rest is not the lack of action, but a weapon to choose.

Our choice not to act is in fact an action.

When we fail to choose rest, we find ourselves ever increasingly exhausted, stressed out and not focused on God.  We become trapped on the world’s running wheel,  at a pace we were never designed for.  We become captive to the action of go, through our lack of understanding in just how much of a blessing to us rest actually is.

The bottom line is this….if God Himself rested after a busy week, why do we think we can keep going? The Maker of the Universes & all that is in them needs to nap, but His creations don’t?  Everything God created has seasons of planting, growth, pruning, harvesting and last but not least: resting.

When we deliberately choose to rest, we free ourselves from the enemy’s mindset that we have no other choice but to stay in the whirlwind of busyness.   In answering His invitation, we find His rest, true restorative rest deep within begins to seep into our mind, body and spirit:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. – Jesus, in Matthew 11:28-30

In choosing to go to Jesus, and choose rest, God not only restores us, but gives us the weapon we can use to protect ourselves from the enemy: deliberate choice to sit at His feet, and rest there.

In His Presence, we learn to unwind, de-stress, listen to His voice,  and follow His graceful leading.  When we stay resting in Him, we keep free, and our spirits remain refreshed.

Rest is not only about sleeping, but the laying down of ourselves before Him, allowing Him to fill us with His love, peace, joy, hope.

We find our true selves at His feet.

We find the refuge, the shelter, the safe place, our true Home in Him.  Where we can fully become the “us” He designed us to be, and be released to live the life God intended for us!

The enemy knows that if we draw close to Him, he will have less access to us.

If we keep His words in our minds, and live our lives in His flow for us, the enemy has less of a battleground to attack us from.

For when we rest in Him, we are drawn into the wide open fields of freedom God has for us, like a bird released from its cage who immediately heads to the currents of wind where she was meant to soar.

Like Mary, we were meant to let go of what the world tells us we must do, and choose the best yes by remaining at Jesus’ feet.

Now before you start complaining nothing will ever get done if i do that (been there, thought that!), let me tell you that somehow in the design of time, spending the time in rest with God seems to make me more productive.  My purpose for the moment seems clearer, and i get more done in less time with less errors or distractions.  I am less stressed out when emergencies pop up, and keep my cool way longer than i am capable of naturally!

I don’t get it, but i don’t have to! I just need to choose to grab hold of rest, and wield it as He leads me to use it!  When I seem headed back onto the never-ending to-do treadmill, prompt me early God to use the rest You have given me to break the tentacles of busyness and stress from reattaching themselves to me.

Lord, may we pick up rest  today, and use it as You lead us to in the coming moments, hours, days.  Because of Your actions on the cross, You declare us free, and desire for us to stay free in You.  Help us to draw close, lay our burdens and to do lists before You. May we pick back up that which You desire for us to complete each day, and may we never stray far from Your voice as we live out the purpose for which You called us.  May our preoccupation ever be Jesus!

restisaweapon

Sunday Psalm: Trust in the Lord

Karla Lees

Lord I come,
wavering about
whether I can hand over
all that is bothering me
on the inside,
hidden from sight.

Then it dawns on me…
if You know everything,
even what I am thinking & feeling,
then what’s the point
in pretending You don’t
any longer?

Take this offering
of mushed up dreams,
tired hopes, broken pieces
of my hard heart, and the choice sins I succumbed to:
and make me over.

Its time for a new heart
that burns with its zeal for You
and Your kingdom come.

I’m ready for a new mindset,
one that stands firm on the Hope
of the good that is to come,
even when I can’t see it yet.

I’m all in for a healed body,
one that will move and live
keeping You in the forefront,
honoring Your handiwork.

May Your Spirit lead my spirit
in & out of whatever
come my way each day,
as I tune myself to Your frequency
first & foremost.

May it be seen in all i meet
that I put my trust in the Lord,
and I will not be shaken
with Him as my sure foundation!

#SundayPsalm
#honestprayer

image

when the enemy begins his assault, run for Refuge

Karla Lees

When you are moving forward into the new place God has called you to, or the dream is spreading its wings and starting to unfurl, the inevitable usually happens.

The enemy begins his assault.

His assignment? To stop you from being free in Christ. To hinder you from becoming who God designed you to be. To block you from what God has for you to do for His kingdom, for His glory.

His challenge?

We are on the Winner’s side.

God has announced for all who will hear it that the enemy will not win.

He is only a created being.  He is not the Creator.

The enemy comes to try and tear down but is no match for the pace of the Builder’s renovations.

The enemy is trying to win at checkers, while God is playing strategic chess.

Those who are created cannot outsmart or outknow or outwit the Eternal Creator who knows all.

If you are feeling a little battered or worn from this latest assault, draw your comfort from the Lord as you move into His stronghold, the secret place of refuge God has designed for you to hide in, safe in His strong loving embrace.

His protection? Impenetrable.

His strength? Unshakeable.

His love? Everlasting.

His Words? Eternal Truth.

His plans? Always come to pass.

His Presence? More than enough.

His Protection? Rock solid.

The enemy may do his best, but we have the Best Provider for all we need as our defence.

We need never fear when God is on our side, for He is up for the task of defeating our enemy, for He is the reason the enemy tries so hard to wound us.

The enemy may have been created by God, but He certainly has deluded himself as to his ability to take down the Maker of All.

Keep in mind, the enemy will try to lure and snare us in his attempt to wound us.

Our God is greater.

If you are weary from the skirmish, take comfort in knowing God wins the war.  The battle belongs to Him, and He will come to your defence when you cry out to Him.  His covering is the shield He will place about us as He keeps us safe.

If you have been wounded in the battle, know that His healing awaits. He is longing to bind up your wounds and restore you.

Keep your eyes fixed on your Defender, not the destroyer.

Don’t be afraid; don’t pay any mind to this vandal horde. This is God’s war, not yours. 2 Chronicles 20:15 MSG

Father, as Jesus was one with You and in You, so can we be. Draw me closer to You than I can ever imagine. May Your walls of refuge & defence hold strong against the enemy’s assault. YOUR PLANS WILL PREVAIL, LORD. We know how the story ends, and the Winner has been announced forever. May I hear Your voice above all the clamour and chaos, and may Your Word release peace & order as Your Presence grows stronger within me as I seek You. You are more than enough, always, for all I need, always.  Amen.

In the Lord I take refuge. Psalm 11:1a

image

If you long to be free to run towards Him in a new way, visit http://www.strongholdthebook.com for free resources and info on a fantastic bible study designed to lead you from what binds you to His safe house . If you live in the California area, visit http://www.remade – ministries.org for more info on March 14th’s Break Free workshop.

when words fail

Karla Lees

Hearing about how Christians are being persecuted, tortured & killed for their faith hurts.

For we are one body, one bride, one church in Jesus.

And when one part of the body hurts, the whole body feels the pain. Sure, those closest to that part may feel it more intensely, but when the part is removed, the whole body has to readjust and learn to compensate.

God calls us to life down here on earth, in the midst battle over the ground the enemy is trying to conquer as his….each of us.

You see, the enemy doesn’t really want land mass, he wants to rule the masses.

He is jealous for God’s kingdom, and will not stop trying to destroy it until Jesus comes and puts an end to him once and for all.

The enemy knows this, which is why he tries so hard to discourage, stir up dissent, distract & decoy us from Kingdom living.

He thought that if this slaughter of His lambs were made public, he could turn the flock away from the Lamb.

He was wrong.

God’s people begin to pray all the more and share Jesus all the louder when we hear & see His people being taken out.

For where the enemy leaves wounds, God brings healing.

Where hearts are broken, God binds up & makes anew.

Where anguish is the cry, God brings His peace.

These are not just platitudes, but hard earned truths I have experienced in my life.

You see, a few years ago now, my lovely sister in law decided she couldn’t take the burdens she carried any longer, and listened to the enemy’s lie that she was better off dead.

She succeeded.

And almost destroyed her husband, rocked our world & stirred up the mental strongholds the enemy has over a few of the family.

If it hadn’t been for God, there would be no family left. Honestly.

God showed up so powerfully at her funeral, and the gospel was fully shared for all to hear…for she was a believer.  I know, because i witnessed her genuine acceptance of Jesus as she poured out her need for him.

Had I not been there, I couldn’t have reassured her husband and mine that she was in God’s hands.
Not the enemy’s greedy clutches. as he had hoped.

God honors our heart’s cry for Him, even if we wander lost for a season or two in the desert.

The peace that God brought into this situation was beyond capture-able in words. 

He revealed His love and grace, mercy and calm beyond words.

We hardly had words to speak in our grief, but He knew.

So my prayer for all of us in the body who are dealing with traumatic loss, heart break, illness, family chaos, debt?

May you press into His Presence with everything you’ve got.
He will be there when you seek Him.
He will hold you together when you begin to fall apart.
He will never leave your side through the lows.
He will rejoice with you in the highs.
He will lavishly love you every step of the way for the rest of your life.

When words fail, the Word steps in and intercedes.

Because what breaks our hearts matters to Him.
When His children hurt, He hurts. When His children die, He cries for our loss as He gathers them Home.

Our words may fail us in the storms that come, but our Word never will. Ever.

If your heart is heavy, draw near to Him and ask Him to lighten your load.  If your soul is parched, ask Him to quench it with life & hope again. If you hunger for more, He will meet your need.

And if you find yourself facing your ISIS one day, He will more than equip you to stand your ground, and lead you into heaven at His side.

And what about the enemy? He knows his days are numbered, and he knows who will win.

He knows it isn’t him.

One God rules, forever and ever!

image