when our walk can speak louder than our talk

There are times when the walls are meant to come down, and God wants us to know it is because of who He is, not due to the works of our hands.

Dive into Joshua with me, and take a peek at the battle for Jericho with me today.

In Joshua 6, we meet up with the Israelites outside of heavily fortified Jericho.  First on the list to be overthrown in order to take the Promised Land.

And in verse one, we are informed no one could go in, and no one was getting out.

Now we know that didn’t used to be the case, because two of the spies managed to get in (in Joshua 4) and meet Rahab, who told them how all of Jericho was petrified from hearing about their God.  We can only assume Jericho tightened its security after that encounter.

In Joshua 5, we get confirmation in verse 1 that all the kings in the area heard how God dried up the Jordan for the Israelites to cross and their “hearts melted in fear” as they lost their courage to face them in battle.

Then the weirdest timing I ever heard of for preparing for battle happened in Joshua 5:2.  God instructed Joshua to circumcise the Israelites again.  Which may seem a bit strange, but since they had been wandering for 40 years, the circumcised generation had all passed away, and their children needed it done.

I don’t know about you, but if i had been hearing rumours the town we were set to conquer was petrified of us, I would be wanting to strike while the fear was at its all time high.  Not recover from surgery before war.

But three things happened because of their obedience, which spoke louder than i expected as I continued to read this passage.

  1. God gave the place where they obeyed Him a new name, Gilgal (which means roll), to signify He had rolled away their past in Egypt. (Joshua 5:9)
  2. When they celebrated their first Passover in the new land, the manna stopped the next day. (Joshua 5:10-12)  This confirmed for the people God has given them the Promised Land, as not only their home, but through which He would provide for them.
  3. Joshua had a vision where he confronted a warrior he didn’t recognize, asking if he was for Israel or its enemies. (Joshua 5:13)  The commander of the Lord’s army (Joshua 5:14) replied he had now arrived, and that the ground they were on was holy.  Joshua then asked him what message God had for him.

When we pick up Joshua 6 again in verse 2, I believe we hear the message the commander of God’s army passed on to Joshua in that holy moment.

God was about to deliver Jericho into Israel’s hand through their obedience, not their might.

Here was the message:  March the army around the city once a day for 6 days. Have 7 priests carry their trumpets ahead of the ark, at the front of the procession. Have them blow their trumpets, but stay silent. On the 7th day, march around Jericho seven times.  Then, when you hear the trumpets sound a long blast, everyone shout loudly. Then the walls will collapse, and you can take the city. (Joshua 5:2-5)

This might sound more than a little crazy to you and I, but don’t forget who God gave this message to.

Joshua saw Moses come off the mountain with the 10 Commandments God Himself inscribed in rock.  Manna & quail fell 6 days a week from heaven. Their clothing & shoes never wore out, despite 40 years of wear and tear. God’s Presence was visible to His people. The crossing of the Red Sea & the Jordan. Joshua might even have seen the plagues on Egypt.

There is no word telling us that Joshua took a moment to think it over, or was apprehensive at all about God’s instruction.

In Joshua 5:6-15, Joshua instructed the army to follow His directions. When the final trumpet blast sounded in verse 16, he commanded the army to shout, for God has given them the city but to give all inside of it to the Lord, save Rahab and those in her house.

In Joshua 5:20-25, we see Israel obeying.

Israel won this mighty battle because they walked as God commanded them to. Even when it might have brought them derision across the land as the days went on and they only walked around Jericho’s outside, without saying a word save for the trumpets’ sound.  Even when those walls must have looked indestructible, and solid as they kept walking about it.

They kept their feet on the path God had for them, and let their actions speak His ways loud and clear.

Their worship was their obedience.

There are times when the walls we are facing will not come down except through His might, and our obedience to follow His instructions, no matter how strange they may be.

For His ways are beyond ours, and we don’t see the whole picture clearly.  We don’t always know all the players involved in the battle, but God does.  We may not need to know everything that is going on, but He knows.

Our walk speaks louder than our talk when it is God speaking through our obedience.

I have walls ahead of me.  God isn’t finished with me yet, so I know the road up ahead for me to move into the fullness He has planned for me will not be all smooth sailing, or an easy jaunt.

But I am not facing these walls on my own.  Even if some of them may have been of my own making.

God will overcome them as I bring them to Him, and follow His lead to see them fall.

His might, His power, His holiness, Him in all His majestic gloriousness is more than a match for any wall standing against Him or His children.

On the other side of that wall, Israel discovered the wild might of their God battling for them in a way they might never have discovered had they not put one foot behind the other and walked out their part.

Today, you and I have the same opportunity.

For the same God desires to set us free of the walls of our own making, and to bring down the obstacles hindering us from where He desires for us to be.

Spend some time with Him. Ask Him what your part is to seeing the walls within and in front of you coming down. Listen for Holy Spirit’s guidance.  Confirm what you hear.

Once you know it was His voice?

Whatever He tells you to do, do it.

And watch Him show Himself strong as He battles for you, Beloved!

PicsArt_11-23-11.59.34

 

food for thought

There have been two occasions where people specifically listened to God and acted upon it, where the result ended up with my family being fed.

When our children were quite small, circumstances left us tighter than usual for money with sick (a la chicken pox) children at home.  With about $50 to our name, we didn’t know where our next week’s meals were going to come from. It was Christmas. We didn’t know what exactly to do, nor shared this fact wih anyone else.

But God knew, and prompted two couples we had briefly met at our last night, their first, with our small group in early September, to do something about our lack.

Imagine our surprise when we got the knock on the door and not only did we have a full turkey & all the sides Christmas dinner, but enough money for groceries for the next week!

We had barely enough time to register our need before God met it through obedient followers.

The week before last, hubby had a procedure which required him to take a few days off work (unpaid) and I too needed to adjust my schedule to drive him to several appointments. We had faith it would all work out, but no idea how it was going to.

Last week, all our needs were covered. I just realized yesterday that we wouldn’t have enough to cover our bills and groceries for next week. I briefly prayed and reminded God He said He would provide.

Tonight, we were handed a cheque from someone who anonymously donated the exact amount of our grocery bill each week!

Here is the clincher: In order for us to have received the cheque tonight, they needed to donate it 10 days ago.

God prompted listening hearts, who acted upon the impulse they heard.

Because of them, we are not going without next week.

Now I could have pulled out a credit card and made sure we ate. But God knows how much I want to be debt free wherever possible, and so answered me in such a way I knew He heard my specific prayers.

His people tuned in and acting upon His clear direction can change the world, one need, one life, one family at a time.

The next time God prompts you to do something for someone you don’t quite understand why?

Do it.

Exactly the way He leads you to.

You too may be the answer to someone’s prayer.

You too may be the way He is going to meet their need.

I used to be embarrassed about talking about the first story, but I realized that was the enemy trying to squelch the testimony of how God provided for us through the Body.

Maybe you too are like us and it wasn’t the fact that you blew your money, but an unexpected health concern, car or home repair which just kinda popped up without warning.

I realize that this is part of how the widow’s oil and flour didn’t run out.
Because God moved through His people (Elijah) to provide (the widow) for the need.

Jesus did the same with one basket of fish and loaves.

Miracles still happen today when God is able to move on obedient listeners to provide for the needs He has designed them to meet. They could be basic needs, such as food or clothing. Paying off a hydro or gas bill. Giving a gas card or bus pass. Buying a plane ticket for someone called to go. Praying for the sick. Babysitting for a single mom or pet sitting a family in crisis. An encouraging word or card.

Whatever it is, God can use you to make a miracle happen when we follow as He leads, and give as He directs.

The underlying why to all He does? His love for us.

When we act upon the prompts Holy Spirit gives us to lend a hand, He involves us in demonstrating that love to the receiver.

Food for thought, isn’t it?!

image

Remade

image

The past several days, God has been peeling back some of how I look at things.

And I am being changed as He does.

Early this year, I virtually met Beth Kinder of Remade Ministries, and became a writer for their team teaching out to minister to women. Something a bit surreal at the same time as exciting and a step beyond what I had been expecting.
I sensed I was to say yes without fully understanding why.

God has been slowly revealing that why to me.

This weekend, I got the revelation that although I may have talent as a writer and a singer, a wordsmith as it were, my best words are His, and come out my best through community.

I was meant, designed to be part of a team. To co-lead, so to speak.
The times when He uses me best are when I link up with the teams He has for me to be part of, for His purposes.

And when I do, another layer within me becomes remade as He desires.

For God knows I need community to help keep me on track and focus in the hard seasons.

Because I have the tendency to lone wolf and isolate myself in the storms, leaving myself open to remaining stuck where I am.

I need the rest of the team of keep me focused on God, listening for His voice & following where He is leading me. I need their prompts, encouragement, and suggestions when I begin to falter or wallow.

Community for me is a blessing: both a gift and a necessity.

I am so thankful that God has been revealing this truth to me in deeper levels as He continues to make me new in the areas where I so desperately need Him to.

My former self used to be a walking sarcastic chip on her shoulder. I couldn’t receive constructive criticism for fear of my tightly around emotions unravelling.

My new self has accepted I need to continuously be learning, repenting, listening, following & becoming new.

Instead of running in fear from going deep with community, I am trusting in the One who is making me new.

Despite my trepidation at becoming remade, I know His plans for me will make me the best me He hardwired me to be. And how those He has blessed me to be in community with, along with Holy Spirit, are the tools He is using to reshape me.

I am so grateful for His timing, and the support of the communities He has gifted me with.

This week, I am leading. But not on my own, as part of team. And i am excited at the thought of what He will do through me, as a part of that unity.

Now is the time to be Remade, Beloved. Each day we have a fresh opportunity to learn, grow & become remade at His hands.

before me

You go before me,
and I can have hope
because of that.

The One
who knows all things
ever
is not only
making the rough patch ahead
smooth for me,
He warns me
where to avoid stepping
as we walk
together.

Hope smashes down
the blockades,
setting me free
as He leads me
straight
to the treasures
in store for me.

Hope not only chose me,
He named me Beloved,
making me His
to love & adore.

And if that wasn’t enough….

Hope goes before me
but also beside
& behind me.

He covers me from all sides,
in all situations,
all the time.

Hope loves me,
and wants, desires
nothing but the best
for me.
Always.

(free verse inspired by Isaiah 45:2-8)

image

seasons change

A friend I haven’t connected with for a long time came to mind this morning while I was getting ready for my day.

So I asked God (which I am starting to do more & more) if I should get in touch with her.

He said, “Leave things as they are.”

I prayed for God to bless that person, then thought to myself, “Why?”

Then I heard, “Your season has passed.”

I got it.

You see, some people we encounter are only meant to be in our lives short term.

We do one another a disservice when we try to force a short term connection into a long term one.

Some times, a short term mission is meant to be short term.

You can see this in relationships that happen to across when they make a movie or are in a production together.  Close quarters can lead to a closeness with someone you wouldn’t have but for the circumstances.

God reminded me that I am not the same me I was when I was friends with this woman, and I am not to go back.

There are times when a person isn’t healthy for us, or we are awakened to the fact they never were. 

Or they seem to take off or fall apart with the arrival of every storm, also known as fairweather friends.

But we may not be able to see the truth, until the season has passed.

Then there are the friends who are in your life for the long haul.  The ones who chose to be your sisters & brothers, who can live anywhere in the world and you can pick up as if no time has passed between you.

These are your any weather, no matter the season friends. The ones who pray for you daily, lend a hand when you need one, tell you the truth when you need to hear it, and are in for the long haul. 

Jesus had a few friends like that. He left His mother’s care to one, and His church to another.

If you look through the Word, there was a large group of people who travelled with Him.

Not all stuck with Him through it all, in fact….most of them fled or let Him down when the going got tougher than they expected.

But He forgave them, each & every one. And restored the ones who would be in it with Him for the long haul, the ones who came back to Him.

We need to do the same.

If a friend has become distant, and isn’t responding to your attempts to connect, ask Him these four questions:

1. Did I do something I need to apologize for?

2. Is this person hurting & i need to let them know I am here to support them?

3. Is this her/his way of showing me this is/was a short term friendship or project only, and I need to move on?

4. Is this relationship unhealthy for me, and I need to let them go?

As hard as this season may be for you to adjust to, it is always better to have the support circle He intends for you around you.

It may not be the group you thought it would be, as God leads you through each season.

But if He is doing the leading, knowing & caring for You as He does, it will be His support system surrounding you.

Ready to walk with you through every season, as He does.

Seasons will change, but His love for you never will, ever.

image

God is….Incredible

image

This week, my church is running a Blast from the Past Vacation Bible Camp for our community.

I can’t help but get excited about what God is going to do through the willing hands serving & revealing His character to the children who will be attending.

So this week, I felt led to post the main themes of the week, especially coz not only is my son going to be volunteering there, but because God is stirring within me to remind me of these/His five characteristics being taught, and I pray, caught!

God is….INCREDIBLE!

We not only see how incredible He is through creation & caring for His chosen ones, but incredibly, He initiates contact with us!

He pursues us, and reveals Himself to us!

We tend to think we are the ones initiating things with God, that we are in control.

Not.

The incredible Maker of all things wanted to set His people free. Despite many turning from Him while in Egypt, He heard their cries for deliverance, and arranged for His deliverer to be raised by the very household He would overturn to set His people free.

Moses was not only Israeli born in captivity, He was adopted into the royal family who were enslaving Israel.  Talk about awkward.  It’s not surprising that he would have had conflicted emotions, and been stirred by His Maker to have compassion on his birth family.

Because God stirred up His compassion within Moses before they met!

They didn’t meet in church, or while Moses was praying, or because someone introduced them face to face, although I suspect Jethro was praying fervently for Moses, married to his daughter, as the priest of the Lord in this area.

God showed up while Moses was watching the flock of sheep he has been entrusted with by Jethro.

Think for a moment about that whole scenario.

God was about to call Moses, raised & educated to understand rule, who has lately been working exclusively with sheep. 

God calls His people His flock, the sheep in His care.

What better balance to his royal training than to be hands on with stubborn sheep?

How better to prepare Moses for the leadership role God had to come for him?!!!

God is truly incredible!

Flash back to Moses with the flock. Doing his usual job, he has led the flock near Horeb, the mountain of God.

And an angel of the Lord appeared to to him…

Say what? Just that alone is incredible!!!

in a flame of fire….

Okayyyyy… God’s got my full attention now, and I am sure Moses’ too in the moment!

Out of the midst of a bush. Moses looked, and behold, the bush was burning, yet it was not consumed.

INCREDIBLE!

God used an ‘average joe’ bush out in a desert as the basis for His Presence to reach Moses!

Moses’ response was to draw closer to this phenomenon. Once we get to know him a lot better as his character becomes more revealed, we learn he is very fearful, and uncomfortable speaking in public.

Unusual for someone raised as a royal…

God knew that this set up, the burning bush, while Moses was away from other people, was the best way to intrigue him to draw near.

(Incredibly, He meets each of us exactly where & when we need Him most, and that encounter is tailored uniquely to do so by the One who made us and knows us sooo well! But I am getting off track!)

When Moses did, God called him by name, and invited Moses to draw close & talk with him, as He revealed Moses to be His, and His deliverer. (Exodus 3)

INCREDIBLE!!

And despite his fears and apprehensions, God went on to guide Moses as He asked him to lead His people out of Egypt.

Moses became one of the most talked about stories in the Bible, in no small part because he knew how desperately He needed the God who never failed to move in His behalf, speak with him, and empowered him to lead His people.

INCREDIBLE!

God uses ordinary folk & does the incredible through their willing hands!

And He still does the same today.

May we dig deeper in the Word to catch all the glimpses of our INCREDIBLE God He reveals to those who still seek Him today!

image

May the Force be with you always

Today is May 4th. Officially Star Wars fans’ favorite day of the year.
Their fave saying to post today?

May the Fourth be with you.

Yet there is a deeper reality to this blessing for those who believe in Jesus. Who have been adopted into the family. Who seek to be led by God, not their circumstances.

The Force is always with those who belong to Him.

Holy Spirit moves in when we accept Jesus for who He really is, our Savior & Lord.

Jesus promised us all when He returned to heaven that He would leave Holy Spirit with us all to guide & lead us here on earth.

You could say the Force that created the universe moves on in within each beloved believer.

Jesus also instructed the disciples to wait for Holy Spirit to come to them.

We tend to run our own way, and when we hit a blockade or pothole ask for His help.

Jesus reminds us we are to wait and follow His lead.

The Father’s love,
The Son’s mercy,
The Spirit’s grace,
give us a legacy of a living hope.

A Force that will not be overturned.

The Force of all that is good, holy, pure, truthful, life giving, restorative, creative & eternal.

This Force lives within each of His.

Isn’t that a wow mind blowing awesome amazing hard to wrap your thoughts around concept?

We don’t need to see this Force, Holy Spirit, to know He is with us.

Our lives become the evidence of His Presence in our lives.

When we respond to His prompts:
people are set free, healed, encouraged, welcomed into the Kingdom.

Holy Spirit is the force for good.

There is no dark side to God.

He is all light, purity & truth in His holiness.

He will never steer us wrong.

Jesus also reminded us that His sheep would know His voice.

Holy Spirit helps us tune in & hear what God has for us to hear, and teach us.

He is fully God in a way we cannot see in body, but can sense with our spirits.

Holy Spirit will always point you towards Jesus & our Abba. They all love to talk about each other, especially to us.

So today, on this sci-fi holiday, I pray:

May the Force,
Holy Spirit,
be with you,
always.

(Make it so, Number One!)

image

be the you God designed

There are a lot of things about me which I love.

My ability to multitask
My love of puns & fun
My voice when I sing
My love of music
My eyes
My curls (95% of the time)
My feet
My passion to learn
My burning yearn for more of God

When you add all the gifts, talents, spirit & soul, and mix in my uniqueness to the packaging God custom designed, I am the result.

God didn’t just whip me off a conveyor belt, He took care, with planning & purpose & love in mind, as He set about making the spark of cells that would become me, only me.

Ever thought about just how much ‘detailed programming’ God invested in your creation?

He thought about making you, and you came to be, at exactly the right moment in time & history.

You are no accident.

I came out with more than a few quirks:

My pinkies are significantly shorter than the rest of my fingers.
I have a few birthmarks, my fave being the upside down heart on the back of my left leg.
I have freckles, and skin that turns shades of red vs lovely tan like colors.
I have a mouth on the smaller side for all the teeth that tried to come in.
I have a limited trunk.
I visibly cringe when I hear a wrong note.
I don’t like coffee, beer or cigarettes.

Just as my gifts & talents are by His design, my quirks were also known by Him.

My whole life was taken into consideration before He created me.

The same for you!

You are so well known by the Master Craftsman.

Not only does He know your strengths & quirks, but two other key factors:

He knew you wouldn’t do well on your own, so He placed you where you would have family; by blood or by choice.

He knew you would fail. To live up to His standards, others expectations, your own hopes & dreams.

The need for Jesus was woven into our very DNA to help us become alive as He designed, as only He can bring to life.

Out of love,
He gave us each a custom gift.
Life.

Because of how we lived,
because of our hurts & shackles,
because of our great need,
He gave us His most precious gift, new life through Jesus.

He not only set us free
& made us clean,
He welcomes each of us
who come to Him
with arms wide open
into our forever family.

When we begin to truly live
our lives with Him,
following His leading
as He guides us,
our gifts and talents awaken
and begin to make sense,
as we become one with
His unique action plan for us.

How I live out become more ‘me’ will look very different from someone who is an extrovert, a gifted athlete, or evangelist, for example.

I am so thankful that God gave us direction, through His Word & through Holy Spirit’s prompting within those who accept His lead.

I am very grateful that the God who designed and shaped me is continuing to do so as I ask for His help navigating the life laid out ahead of me.

I am especially moved when I remember the pain Jesus purposefully chose on the cross to show me (you) His passion for me (you).

Embrace the freedom to be yourself. He wants you to be the you He designed for you to be, with Him walking closely beside you every step of the way.

As I become more ‘me’, my prayer is I reveal more ‘He’ to those around me.

That my efforts to live reveal His hands keeping me safe, His love anchoring my heart, His wisdom in my choices, and His glory when I hit the mark!

image

#betheyouHedesigned

3 Ways to Shift the Atmosphere

“Be a thermostat & not a thermometer. Change the atmosphere around you with your attitude rather than just reflecting circumstances all day.” – Sandi Krakowski

  • Tired of walking into a live drama?
  • Feel like you are stuck in a sitcom you can’t escape?
  • Sick of surviving?

Sometimes in the spiritual battle we face God has already equipped us to confidently engage.

If you are ready to take action, there are three ways to change the atmosphere wherever you are:

1. Own your part.

I have finally learned it is okay to get along with everyone. Being respectful, honoring and kind does not mean I agree with other people’s decisions or behavior. If I am in a crappy mood, or feeling low, I need to deal with my stuff before I get around other people again. Even if it’s a quick bathroom break to pray, refocus & find peace, make the time to name it, own it & deal with it.

It takes two to make drama. If you are calm, that alone can cool a hot situation down.

2. Shift the atmosphere.

I have learned from experience that we can sometimes pick up on other people’s vibes, even when they haven’t spoken a word. An intuitive person, this can lead me to wild imaginative scenarios playing out in my mind if I am not careful. If someone is irate, upset, depressed or cranky, I now immediately pause to pray, something like this:

“Holy Spirit, Your Word says You live in me, Your temple. I do not want to partner with anything that is not from You. I ask You to be my Shield right now, and I send this ____________(name what you are sensing) back to the person sending it out there. May Your peace reign in this room, right now. I invite Your Presence, and blessing, in the name of Jesus.”

I will share one brief example. My hardworking hubby was really cranky about some last minute work changes to his day, and his displeasure & anger was ringing out loud in our car. I turned my head to the right, muttered a similar prayer to the one I wrote above. Lo & behold, within a minute, my hubby calmed completely down and was at peace again. My hubby & kids asked me later what I had done, so I shared it with them. Our home has been a lot calmer ever since, and we react more appropriately to each other when someone is upset now.

God can change the atmosphere when we invite Him into any situation.

3. Don’t stay if you sense you need to leave.

You may be in a good head space, and have prayed the above prayer, and still feel a bit off. This is either God or fear telling you it is time to leave.

Fear isn’t from God, so if you ask God if this impulse is from Him, and you don’t get an answer, you need to deal with this fear. Now. Ask God to kick it out, and stop giving it a listen. You may need to make a mental note to revisit this at another time and uproot it, but blocking its ability to speak in the moment is a critical step.

If God is telling you to leave, He is trying to shield you, and protect you from something you may not be aware of, but He certainly is. Obey.

If you claim to be His follower, then follow where He is leading, even when you don’t know why. In those moments when I have obeyed without knowing why, I have to trust He knows better and has good plans for me.

So to recap:
If you sense He wants you to change a situation:

  • Own your part. It takes two to tango. Be prepared by being in control.
  • Shift the atmosphere by allowing the Spirit to shield you.
  • Follow as He leads. When He says go, move. Our obedience shows we have invited Him to take the lead in our battles.

As you seek Him everywhere You go, remember His Presence is with you, actively ready to guide & help as we tune in.

It’s time to show His reflection, instead of our reaction.

Worship to help shift the atmosphere: Here as in Heaven by Elevation Worship

who’s pursuing who?

And when I walk away
You take off running
and come right after me
It’s what You do
and I don’t deserve You.

Plumb – Don’t Deserve You

Pursuing You
I have come to realize
is only the result
of Your pursuit of me

And when I walk away
You follow hard after me
calling me
chasing me
as I follow the call
of other than You

Even when I wallow
and waste my inheritance
listening to foolish council
You never stop sitting
of the home front
waiting for my return

Ever watching
You send Your Spirit
to whisper
how much You love me
how much grace is mine
how Your mercy never ends
no matter what I have done

Since I said yes to You
all the roads I wander on
lead me back to You
for wherever I go
You are there
wherever I run to
You are waiting
Always

All ways don’t start off
with You in mind
if I am being honest
But as I tune my heart
to hear Your voice
I make the necessary changes
to my inner GPS
and realign my path
to walk along side You

Who’s pursuing who?

I couldn’t follow You
without Your love
paving the way in the first place.

I don’t deserve you, as the Plumb song goes, but how grateful I am that You never stop pursuing me!

The more I get to know You,
the more I want to pursue You.

Is that how it works for You, God?
Because You know us so well, You can’t help wanting to be with me?!

The most important part of the pursuit?

Finding what you were hoping for in the journey:

You pursuing me
the apple of Your eye
the Bride You long for
the one You love

My pursuit of You
the Lover of my soul
The Saviour I adore
the One I long for.

Waiting here for You
as You wait for me.

Let’s have a coffee date
Chat, hang out
and connect
as You share Your heart
for me
and I pour out my heart
to You.

A momentary lull
in our pursuit
as we meet face to face

How Presence
makes all the difference,
being with the one you love.

image

So every so often regular words don’t flow out of me, and a little poetic je ne sais quoi arises to the surface! Maybe that happens to you too? I have learned to go with it, and give myself grace for stepping out of my comfort zone :)