survivor, meet the Overcomer

Survivors are terrified of a reality they already innately know to be true: even if people did know, they wouldn’t do anything to help.

Kaeyley Trillis Haver, childhood rapper survivor

When we are under siege at a very young age, we can pick up partial truths and run with them:

It’s my fault my parents divorced.

I must have done something to deserve this.

I am unlovable.

No one will help me.

As my childhood molester told me, “No one will believe you, so you might as well keep it a secret anyways.”

So I did, until I came to know God.

Shortly after, in a counseling session which ended in being Sozo in style before I even knew what that was, God showed me where He had been in that scenario, then told me to tell my mother.

And I did, and she believed me.

Because molesters and rapists like to get you alone, we all believe that there is nothing any one would have done had they known what was going on, as the above quote from a survivor states.

I don’t fully accept that statement.

In the moment we may feel that is true. However, I believe there would be more of these incidents happening if Holy Spirit led people were not listening to His prompts to leave a situation, stay in pairs, step up and speak up, or not go when we sense we should stay home.

I also believe His angels protect and cover us from way more than we realize.

Although I didn’t know God at the time I was molested, the fact that He later showed me He had been there crying over me, and had prompted my brother to enter the room when he did proves to me God cares for me. And He moved to stop it from progressing further.

Soon after I became one of the Beloved, I was waiting for the subway train late one night on my way home from working an evening shift. I was listening to my Walkman, and wearing a backpack.

Just as the doors opened and I stepped on to the subway car, someone not on the train tried to pull me back onto the now empty platform by grabbing my backpack.

Within a split second of my face registering fear, a man within arms length inside the train grabbed me by the shoulders and yanked me forward so the doors could close.

He saved a perfect stranger from who knows what, and he didn’t have to but he stepped up and rescued me anyway.

Some times the truth is found somewhere between the lies we believe based on our experience and the vastly bigger reality God sees and moves in.

God in all His wisdom knows what we have come out of and what is coming ahead for us.

He doesn’t leave us how He found us to just survive our past any longer. God takes us gently by the hand, helps us to face our pain stored there, shows us the truth in a loving way, and guides us on into the wide open future ahead He has for us.

We are not left as just survivors in His Kingdom. God not only rebuilds and restores us, He bestows us with the ability to overcome through His Presence, power and strength.

When we are able to leave our pasts in the past as just part of the story which helps shape us but doesn’t dictate our storyline, we will no longer see ourselves as survivors.


We will know and be able to walk out the truth: we are overcomers in and through Him.

And we will know that for every person who won’t get involved to help when there is a need, there is One who always will.

He can’t help Himself, His very nature of love cannot help coming to our rescue. Every time we cry of to Him, and even those times He sees our need before we do.

May we leave our outdated pasts and mindsets fully in the past, and move with confidence into the freedom God has for us as He walks beside us into the wonders up ahead, Beloved!


PS. If you are in need of healing from something in your past, I have found God led counseling sessions very effective to help me step into the freedom I have in Him. Sozo is one such tool I have both experienced and learned about. If you would like to learn more, please visit

lining up where I shouldn’t

Don’t compare yourself to others. Compare yourself only to the person you were yesterday. @toddclark

The comparison trap will cause me to believe what I see, and forget what I know. Beth Kinder

I have a problem with my mirror. Maybe you can relate.

My mirror doesn’t show just my reflection, but lines me up beside others I compare myself to, every time i approach it.

In fact, I can’t remember a time besides my wedding day, that i looked in the mirror and just saw me.

Until yesterday.

I decided after having some fun with matching my red undertones for an all over foxy red these past eight months to head back to my roots.  Which are a dirty blonde with i suspect a few streaks of grey.  I am trying to simplify my life, and fussing with hair dye every time my roots show is too high maintenance for me (but that is me, if you can do it, bless you!)

After my daughter helped get all the dye on, i realized that as I was looking in the mirror, I was wondering what people would think if the grey starts coming in as I let my hair go natural.

Then i thought of a few women i know who always have perfect coiffed hair, as my nana would say.  Without a hair out of place.

And as my mind began to wander down that path, this time i caught myself, as i reminded myself of a quote that came to mind:

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

I don’t need to worry or compare myself to others, because let’s face it, everybody is struggling with something.  Just because it can’t be seen on the outside, doesn’t mean it isn’t there on the inside.

I am tired of judging myself by people’s standards, and lining their opinions up beside me in the mirror.

I choose His standard for me, which is Jesus.

I choose His design for me, which is unique.

I matter to Him, because of His timely & costly investment in me.

I don’t have to compare myself to anyone, but rather I choose listen to His heart for me, which is to live free & close to Him.  I choose to change the things He is most concerned about uprooting from me, and embrace the newness He has waiting for me.

Quite frankly, my hair color, or my extra weight, or my freckles, or my naked nails are between God & me.

Stop allowing the enemy to invite other people into the conversation God wants to have with you alone.

It was quite a jolt to my mind to realize where my thoughts naturally start to wander.

And they wandered back to a particularly hurtful grade 7 classmate, who embarrassed me in front of the whole class through her writing about me. Which I believed has been fully dealt with, not!

God reminded me today that the reason there was still an entry point for the enemy was due to my harboring unforgiveness, and shared with me that the person wasn’t trying to be deliberately cruel as it came across, but was very insecure & jealous and was trying to knock me out of competition for our mutual friend’s affection.

By my not forgiving her as a person, but just the action, I allowed a piece of the root to remain, and the enemy has been nurturing it to grow down deep over the years.

I am so done with that!

So i pray,

“God, I fully and completely forgive S___________. I believe Your blood is more than enough to forgive all my sins, and I extend the same mercy to her that You extended to me. Full & utter forgiveness in Jesus’ mighty name.  Wherever she is, I ask You to release Your Spirit to whisper the truths You long for her to hear into her mind, heart & spirit.  I ask You to restore to me the joy I had in being myself, in embracing who You designed & called me to be.  Uproot the enemy plant You have just destroyed, and release a fresh sense of Your wholeness and peace where it used to live.  May I ever delight in hearing Your words spoken over me. May I ever trust in You as the Lover of my Soul.  May i never lose the wonder of knowing how much YOU delight in ME. May I continually bring the things which are breaking me down & place them into Your hands for You to build me up. Where the enemy played for harm, restore Your goodness & purpose in my life.  Blessed be the Lord!  I pray this as one of Your beloved, Abba.  In Jesus’ name, and Holy Spirit power. Amen.”

Instead of letting ourselves see just our outer beauty, let’s join God in seeing His hand & move in our lives.  As children of the King, as the beloved bride of God, let’s allow the Lion of Judah to arise within, and move forward in the confidence of who we really are.


No matter what we look like its who we are inside that truly counts.

His handiwork.

His child.

His delight,

His beloved.


the best revenge

As of late, there have been a lot of TV shows and movies out there that seem to have the theme of revenge interwoven throughout them.

The natural reaction to pain is to strike back.
To wound the one who wounded us.
To seek revenge, our own personal justice upon our attacker.

Falling into the mindset of revenge tightens the grip the enemy has on us, and does not lead to the inner peace we so desperately seek when we are hurting, broken, beaten and wounded at the actions of another.

There are only two ways to ensure you are not falling into the lie of seeking revenge:

1. Hand it over to God.

Give your wounding, whether emotional, mental, physical or spiritual over to God. Ask Him to be your justice seeker, and allow Him to deal with the feelings that well up within when you think about the situation.

The best offense is the best defense.

With God as your defender, you will have justice, for He knows what was done to you, and will hold every one to account for their actions one day, your wounder included.

By the way, giving it to God in no way means you are letting your wounder off with no consequences. If you need to break off relationship, post & enforce firm boundaries or safely distance yourself, then do so as He prompts. Just because we don’t see His justice that doesn’t mean God will not see to it on our behalf. As the Holy One, all injustice bothers Him, and will be judged before His throne.

Give it over to God as soon as you realize you need to. This will help ensure you….

2. Live free.

Living well is the best revenge.
-George Herbert

Living free means what the enemy intended to hold you down with becomes ammunition for God to use against him.

In His hands, you will be healed, can be renewed & restored, and live out the live He has planned for you.

I was once told of an old custom of making your enemy carry hot coals upon their head as part of their punishment for their offense towards you.

We don’t need to do that here on earth. As God has carried our punishment for us. He alone is in the position to judge offenses. He alone is to carry out the sentences He will pass. He alone will extend grace and mercy to His people.

Living free means we don’t carry the weight of such wounds within us one moment past when we extend them to God, and ask Him to carry them for us.

The best way to seek revenge?
To let the desire for personal vengeance go, and let our Warrior take the role of our defense, as He was meant to do.

When the feelings of revenge swell up above your hurt and anger, bring them to the cross. Take a good long look back at what Jesus did for us there. If anyone was due to exact His revenge, it was Jesus. Instead of condemning, He forgave. Instead of anger, He offers grace & mercy. Instead of disappointment, He extends His nail pierced hands of love towards us.

For all we have done to nail Christ on the cross, we deserve the full vengeance of God.

Because of His love, shown with His very blood , we instead receive grace and a new start.

Take your new start, and allow Him to help you live your life to your fullest.

Let Him be your Warrior & Shield, and let Him judge those who harm you.

Live your life without the chains of offense dragging you down into the minefields of revenge.

Live free.


When the past comes calling, let it go to voicemail. Believe me, it has nothing new to say.


It’s time to delete your voicemail.
Listening to old messages doesn’t leave room for any new messages to be recorded.

Sounds rather simplistic, but true.

When your head is full of “I am a loser”, ” I will never do it right”, “no one will ever love me”, and ” I can’t”, there isn’t room left for the truth. You need to clear out the lies.

A loss doesn’t make you a loser, if you learned the lesson the first time and don’t keep repeating it, or if it reveals you to be a caring, compassionate person.

If there is a skill you need to learn, then take the time to learn it versus lamenting over it. Trying in the process doesn’t mean you will never get it right. It means not yet!

There is always someone who cares for you out there. There has never been a person alive ever that someone one has not loved. That’s a lie leading you down the path of self destruction. You need to take care of yourself, and love yourself by doing so. God doesn’t ever and didn’t make junk when He made you. You are a one of a kind unique creation, designed with purpose. Soak in the knowledge that He loves you, until you start to believe it. Then begin to live it.

There may be some truth to you can’t, but maybe you aren’t supposed to. There are many things I wish I could do, but I am blessed to have friends and coworkers who can do what I can’t. We help each other in our weaknesses by being one another’s strength where we can. Just as where we are lacking, God can provide & strengthen us.

If you keep running those old tapes (negative messages, not meaning tapes from the 80s & 90s!) from the past long enough, they can start to sound like truth.

It’s time to hit the erase button and leave the past where it belongs- in the past. Spend some time listening to the One who knows you best, and live out who you were designed to be.

The best future you can have?

Learn the lessons from your past and leaves them there, as you fully live your present.