Tag: marriage

when you are the owner of a broken heart

Karla Lees

Friend, today I am going to share from the heart one of the biggest lessons I have ever learned about brokenness.  My prayer is that the same God who is rebuilding the broken pieces with me will give you a glimpse of hope where you are feeling broken.

Maybe you and I, we’re never meant to be complete. Could we just be broken together? If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine. Could healing still be spoken and save us? The only way we’ll last forever is broken together. – Broken Together- Casting Crowns

Relationships are hard.

Especially the ones with the people you interact with every day.

Because in our own way, deep down within each of us, we are broken.

Some more than others, but no one walks this earth unscathed in some way.

Not even Jesus did.

I have found that when I am feeling broken, I have a tendency to hide away, lick my wounds and brood. Occasionally, a full blown cry fest erupts, leaving me exhausted on top of the broken pieces I am trying so hard to hold together.

But we were designed for community. With our best friends and families, but especially in marriage, if we have been blessed with that gift.

These past 25 years together, my hubby and I have had a lot of mileage into the realm of brokenness. It has been harder than I imagined at times, more painful than I ever thought, and gone deeper than I ever dreamed possible.

Yet together we are stronger because of it, for we can see God moving better in each other at times than we can sense Him moving within ourselves.

Building one another up when the other is feeling low. Being the shoulder to cry on when we need to let it out.

Because the secret to being broken in a marriage and still staying married?

The three stranded cord.

By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.  Ecclesiastes 4:12 (MSG)

When even one of you invite God into your marriage, He intertwines Himself into it. He becomes the stabilizer, the marriage counselor. He gives you the love to express when you feel empty, yet your hubby needs to know you care. He gives your hubby the strength to just listen & tell you he loves you.

Without God, our marriage would not have made it this far.

Because in our own strength we would have run on empty long ago.

It’s not about having made a bad pick, or being a mismatched pair.

It’s making the one you are with your mate, supported by the Love that never fails, never gives up and never runs out on either of you, or your marriage.

If you know you are broken and need help, pray and ask God to bring you to the right resources, or bring the best help to you.

Your spouse’s brokenness isn’t for you to heal, that is His job. They need your support and love as they face their own brokenness and support you in yours.

God knew when He designed marriage that we would need one another:

In better, in worse.
In sickness, in health.
With wealth, without much.
Whether whole or broken.

The amazing thing I have found? My hubby and I have not been so broken in the same ways that we couldn’t be there for one another. Often not perfectly, but present none the less.

In His mercy, He makes us the mate our spouse needs. Whether we have broken bits or not.

Only God can take what is broken, and shape it to make something beautiful.

  • He is with us, every step of the journey.
  • His Presence draws closer with every request for Him to come and be nearer.
  • His love, strength, grace and mercy are more than enough for what you and your spouse may face today.

He longs to restore and repair where we are broken, and can do amazing things when we place ourselves in His hands.

Broken together with the Potter makes for a beautiful finish beyond belief.

When we give Him all the pieces, He can make us whole again, one piece at a time.

broken together

#broken #hopefortheharddays #hopeinHisPresence

why’s

Karla Lees

We don’t always take a close enough glimpse at one person in the Christmas story whom I can relate to the most.

Because like me, Joseph appears to have wondered at the whys of Jesus.

  • Why, Mary?
  • Why Mary?!
  • Why this way, God?
  • Why now?
  • Why me?
  • Why?

‘Why’ is a question we can all see ourselves saying when faced with a new scary or unsettling situation.

At times, we echo what we imagine Joseph’s attitude was when informed about Mary’s pregnancy.

We don’t know actually who told him, for we know Mary was out of town for several months visiting her cousin Elizabeth as she was awaiting her son to come, John. We can hazard a guess that the grapevine may have gotten to Joseph before her parents or Mary did.

Because bad news likes to spread when outsiders begin to ask why.

As her fiancé (in those days called betrothed) Joseph had pledged to marry Mary. To us today, being betrothed is like being married except not living or sleeping together yet. In that time, he had the legal right to accuse her of infidelity, divorce her, see her stoned, and be set free without any blemish on his reputation. (see Matthew 1:18 – 25)

Joseph must have asked why.  For we all want to know the answer to that question when faced with drama or trauma.

He was likely broken-hearted, angry, frustrated and second guessing himself for choosing her as his bride.

We get a critical glimpse into Joseph’s personality with his response to Mary’s news, and the hint of what he must have been thinking, when the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. (Notice the angel showed up after he had decided to quietly divorce her.)

His message from God for Joseph?

  1. Son of David: Yes, I know you, and i have the right guy, Joseph. You are part of the promise, the hope for Israel.
  2. Do not fear: I am with you.
  3. Take Mary as your wife: live up to your covenant with her.
  4. She is pregnant by the Holy Spirit: your wife became pregnant through God’s actions, no man’s. She is still your pure fiancée.
  5. She is to bear a son:  So you will know I speak the truth.
  6. Call him Jesus: For this is happening because He is the Messiah..
  7. For He will take away the sins of the world: this is the plan.
  8. And fulfill the prophecies spoken about him: this is the time for him to arrive.

Notice what Joseph did first thing after awakening from that dream.

He went and got married to the girl of his dreams. (With one exception. He didn’t consummate the marriage while she was pregnant with Jesus.)

Despite all the why’s left unanswered, Joseph heard exactly what he needed to in order to obey God, and become the step-father of the most important man in history.

I’d be asking why me too if I were Joseph.

Because I do so often enough in my own life at times.

Here is the thing.  God knows why He chose you and I.

Just because we don’t always know why He chose us, doesn’t mean we were not His intended chosen.

God knew Joseph would be engaged to Mary.  He knew him to be a just man, who loved Mary so much he would show her kindness in a heartbreaking situation.

For Joseph, despite his likely questions, was a man after God’s own heart.

After Jesus was born, Joseph was given another set of instructions in a dream via an angel of the Lord.  He was warned to take Mary and Jesus, and flee to Egypt.  (Matthew 2:13-15)

Then he was told why.

For in that instance, being a devout Jew and being asked to go back to Egypt, the country which kept your people enslaved for generation?  I’d want to know why, just like Joseph would.

The why? For Herod wants to kill Jesus.

God didn’t need to say any more than that, apart from wait for My further instructions.

There are some why’s we already know the answer to, we just need to hear them confirmed.

There are most lessons we can learn from the briefly recorded life of Joseph, step-father to Jesus, husband to Mary.  But why is evident the greatest in this portion of the Word.

Because when God asked Joseph to do something, just like Mary, he did so. Even without all his why’s answered.

There is no question in my mind that Mary and Joseph were real life people like you and I.  God knew the plans He had for them, and look how history was changed through their obedience.

Why Joseph ultimately comes down to this: Jesus needed an earthly father who resembled His heavenly Father. One whose heart was for following the ways of heaven while here on earth. 

The next time you are overwhelmed with the questions on your heart and mind, ask Him to reveal Himself to you.  

For He is the ultimate answer to all our questions: the how’s, the what if’s, the who’s, the what’s, the where’s, the when’s and yes, the why’s!

This piece of history reminds me to wonder anew at the bigger picture God has in store for us!
image

married ever after

Karla Lees

This morning, i had the privilege of attending the wedding between a former coworker & a fellow worship team member, both of whom I go to church with.

It was lovely….with the couple obviously in love & desiring God to be the center of their lives.

Once upon a time, that was me, and you too.

I remember that joy, the kind of terror and the rest all rolled into one which I felt on my wedding day.  I knew God was with me, as we invited Him to be our centre.

Today was semi-sweet to me, because as life happens, not all the vows we make are honored, are they?

For a few moments, all I could feel was my regrets for not loving my hubby to my best every step of the way as God wanted for me, and my loss for my hubby not doing the same.

It was a brief moment of open heart surgery which surprised me, because I didn’t realize I was still grieving for what could have been in what was.

Then He whispered what He has continued to whisper to me every day…. I know; I’ve got you.

I cannot go back and fix what was broken, but He can lead me back & remove the wounds occurred there.  He restores my soul with delicacy & unswerving accuracy.

I can love, with His help, my best today in the here and now, and love the ones He has given me to love while I have them.

Love is a precious gift which sometimes takes a look back to help us see just how sweet it is.

It is never too late for two people who are seeking God with all that they are to be restored & begin to have their married ever after.

If like me, you find yourself in the forest of regret, remember God has never left your side, ever.  He has plans for your blessing, even if your plans appear to be unraveling. All things are possible is His motto, and we can trust Him with what, and who, matters most to us.

There is no sin He cannot forgive, no hope He cannot restore, no love He cannot rekindle in those pursuing Him with every fibre of their being.

 

I prefer semi-sweet chocolate, because I have learned to appreciate the balance blend the dark & the light.

Without the dark chocolate, the lighter milk chocolate would not taste as sweet.

When God releases His blessings in the midst of our brokenness, it seems all the more sweet when we compare it to the dark of our pasts.

May He speak His love to your heart today. Whether you are surrounded by loved ones or alone, my prayer for you is to know & feel embraced by the Loving One who will never let you go.

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this chord of three strands

Karla Lees

Today is my 22nd wedding anniversary.

I have now been married for just under half my life 🙂

I have learned two key lessons, mostly the hard way, over the two + decades we have been a couple.  They are key because without them, the song of our marriage quickly turns into dischord, and things remain off kilter until they are added back into the mix.

It doesn’t take two to make a marriage work.

It takes God, & community.  

The two keys to making sure you have all the resources & support you might need, because you will need them.

1. God:

When God is interwoven into your marriage, you become bound together beyond the physical, mental & emotional ties we can make on earth.  You become one in spirit.  This was the ultimate design God had for us in marriage, to be united together with Him as He will fully be united with His bride one day soon.  He becomes the strength of your bond, beyond your earthly union.

2. Community:

When you have a community around you to support you, you have help to work through the trials, storms & unexpecteds life can throw at you.  You have care for when you are wounded, direction when you can’t see God through the storm, and combined wisdom & gifts beyond your own, especially if your support network are believers.

On your own, you can falter.

In community, you have support when the hard times hit. You know you are not alone.

With God, you have His eternal resources within reach, and you can endure beyond whatever tries to pull your marriage apart.  You have protection through the storms. Your spirit knows you are not alone, for He is intimately with you.

My hubby & I have come through many trials & storms, losses & joys.

We have learned community is vital for keeping us grounded, and connected with one another.  We know we are cared for.

But more importantly, we have learned God is essential for keeping us loving one another, and strengthening our bond.  We know we are loved, and can express that love to one another throughout our lifetime together.

Community supports.

God strengthens.

The cord of three strands in the physical realm needs community to flourish.

The cord of three strands in the spiritual realm requires God to grow, deepen and mature into the reflected image of Jesus & His bride.

We can’t have one without the other.

For hubby & i are one, together one strand in the tapestry He is weaving in our lives.

God & community make up the other two strands.

If you too are married, may He grant you and your spouse a deeper revelation of how He wants to be intimately interwoven into the very fabric of your marriage, and become all you need in order for you to stay together.

May you find the melody He desires for your marriage, as you allow Him to write your love song, and allow the community around you to harmonize where it is needed.

cord

 

 

 

when your knight comes to your rescue

Karla Lees

I have a confession to make.
I am a huge believer in romance.
I love to read classic, well written tales of how two people fall in love. I love to watch it play out in front of me on the big screen.

I don’t believe I am alone, for who doesn’t want to meet that one perfect person meant just for them, have him ride in to rescue you like the knights of old, fall head over heels in love and ride into the sunset?

At least, that’s way the books & movies see it. The boy or girl from the wrong side of the tracks falling for the upperclass girl or boy, and a happily ever after in their future.

Life isn’t really like that.

I learned that the hard way at 16 years of age. My first breakup was a head smacking fall back to earth and reality. Love doesn’t work the way I believed it did from the Disney movies or the fairy tales.
But I still clung to the standard of Mr. Darcy, and believed my hero would come to my rescue one day.

Five years later He did.

What i realized in the weeks that built up to our meeting, this face to face falling deeply & madly love, was how people will always let us down. And how I needed rescuing, from my beliefs and my actions.

And when I got down on my knees and admitted my need, my Knight quickly rode in to rescue me.

He knocked out the enemy guards, broke my chains and burst me from my cell into wide open spaces of love, grace, mercy and His Presence.
image His name is Jesus.
He is my Beloved, and I am His.

Woah there girl, you may be thinking. You were talking romance and now you are asking me to believe Jesus is the one you were waiting for?

Absolutely.

He loves me with a fervour I can barely grasp. Died for me in a beautiful bloody exchange that cemented my freedom & released His power in a declaring blaze across all known space & time.

Jesus was and is indeed the white knight who swooped in to rescue me from the dark knight’s clutches, claiming me as His bride. Restoring me and adoring me along the way as I get to know Him more each day. He was the rescuer I needed, unlike any other.

What does that mean about romance? Is it dead here on earth?

No. Whenever someone lays down their wants & desires to put another’s first, true Love is seen.

We tend to think of romance as the falling in love part of the relationship. The getting to know one another, beginning of the story.

Real romance is the day in day out staying together as you walk out your love.

Its what happens after the wedding and honeymoon. The courtship is only the first part of the story.

The same with our relationship with Jesus.

When we meet, He courts us, showing us His love, freedom and promises. Once we accept His love, the real romance begins.

Wooing may get you to the door,
real love waits for the owner to hand over the key so they can enter with permission, and put both your names on the deed. Proud to merge together after making the promises to be exclusively each other’s forever.

Marriage on earth is to be a reflection of the love God has for us when He comes knocking at our door. He waits for the invitation to come in once we have accepted His forever offer of love, and He gives us our new name as His beloved. We becomes His.

So do I believe in romance?
Absolutely.

But from the changed perspective of the One who designed it, and reveals it to each one seeking real love.

I realized when I met my husband that I didn’t need rescuing any longer. My Knight had already come.

I have been given my husband to love and cherish, to try to walk out & show His love towards him on a daily basis as long as we both shall live. A living demonstration of the love God expresses to us as He loves us.

Passionately. Ardently. With abandon. Totally. Devotedly. Eternally.

So when I watch a movie or read a book about romance (or any other theme), it needs to fit into a few must have categories:

1. Keep it pure:
No smut, no swearing, no explicit scenes, no gore or horror for horror’s sake. No excuses. We have a turn it off policy after one incident, no exceptions. I have walked out of a movie theater or two and always gotten a refund when I was offended by the content. I try to get a sense of the movie through online reviews & word of mouth.

2. Keep it holy:
God must be in the story, either directly or in the belief systems in place. There must be a clear sense of right from wrong. I don’t watch movies based upon adultery, hurting one another as your relationship disintegrates, or free love being spread around. Those aren’t influences I want to share my headspace.

3. Keep it real:
I love Jane Austen, CS Lewis, Lucy Maude Montgomery and many of the classic writers because they wrote about real life within a framework of stability. Faith, marriage, community. There were hard times and difficult situations, but also forgiveness and real life consequences. Real people have flaws, a real God can restore them.

4. Keep it in perspective:
God is love, and shared that love with us- first to know Him, then to share within the appropriate relationship boundaries to make Him known as we love one another.

5. Keep in prayer:
A few times, God has warned me to stop watching, or to get rid of a movie as it doesn’t have a good influence woven within. Not always one I can see or sense myself.

There would not be such a high demand for romance novels or movies if people just wanted sex. People are crying out for more. For true love.

I want to be able to meet my White Knight, my Groom, my Beloved face to face when the time comes, and known I have maintained my romance with Him before all others. That I have loved my husband in a way that brought God glory. That I have loved my children, family, friends, church, coworkers in a way that helps reveal Him through my care for them.

The real romance worth fighting for is the one that will last forever.

With Him at your side, you can battle for your marriage knowing the Lover of your souls is with you, helping and encouraging you to stay true to one another, and live out a sharing of love others are desperate for.

God will continue to come to our rescue when we need Him as we seek Him first.

And Mr Darcy? He’s only a small echo of the amazing God striding towards us to offer His unswerving devotion & unconditional love.

Just thinking about how He loves me makes me swoon with joy 🙂