pausing in the yearning

I have a confession to make.
I don’t like waiting.
In fact, I hate it.

Like a wild horse, I have been in need of taming in this area. And with the brokenness that came from the taming at His hands, I have found a secret that helps me in the inevitable wait.

Because we all have something we are waiting for, do we not?

When I am longing, yearning for something- I have found I am able to pause, breathe deep, and sneak in a moment of rest.

It doesn’t meant I am not waiting any longer.

Nor does it mean I am not yearning passionately for the answer I seek.

It means I can lay it down, put my head on Jesus’ shoulder, and rest.

A pause doesn’t mean you aren’t in motion.

It actually makes the motion more pronounced and possibly even more effective.

As a musician, I have learned the value of properly timed rests in the music I play or sing.

With the pauses, the music has a chance to be highlighted, and can sound more majestic, playful or worshipful as a result.

The white spaces make the black notes stand out.

The rests give the surrounding sounds movement.


I also believe that a pause or rest can also:
Rejuvenate me in my wait. 
Revitalize my passion.
Renew my energy and determination for the path ahead.

Instead of being frustrated by the pause, I am looking at it more as a pit stop on the long race of life.

Time to refuel, change the tires, take a breather and refocus before heading back into the race.

When we rest in Him, we pause to connect with God, who has already told us He has the best in store for us.


In our pause, we can remember His goodness, trust in His love, and rest deep within, knowing it is well with our souls.

Even if we aren’t there yet.

discover what you love

Now you need to discover what you love.


There is risk in people knowing what we love.

Many of us get hurt when they make fun of us, or bully us with words, fists, rejection.

And many of us will hide who we are, what we love or want as a result of that hurt.

I know I have.

I was the girl who loved school. Loved to read, to write, to ask questions, to learn. Loved to play every instrument (except clarinet, suffice it to say that I had a few best friends who had that instrument covered!) and to sing.
I also loved drama. Mime or sign language set to music.

I was stifled in my creativity not in public or high school, although I was teased for being a nerd/geek/artsy fartsy.
I was still doing what I loved to do, confident that I was made to do so.

My main gifts are all communication based.
My supporting gifts are relational.

I became stifled at church.

I was pegged as Sunday school helper and teacher, who sang on the side.

My heart has always been the reverse.

I will, and would, choose worship or freedom ministries over teaching any day.

The church I grew up in once we came back to Ontario began that process, with limited breakthroughs from time to time until very recently.

We felt called out of the church home we had been content in for almost 13 years, into a new church that felts challenging, large and overwhelming.

It has been the best thing for all four of my family members.

We have finally all unfurled who we are, where we have come from, and have all been received with love and safety and grace.

That doesn’t mean people didn’t love us where we were at church before, because they did, and do.

It just means that the place we were meant to serve was closer than we realized.

We moved to Aurora as a family 17 years ago.
And have never gone to church locally until this year.

Don’t let regret for what could have been stop you from being who you are meant to be.

Discover what you love.
Learn what you are designed to do.
Find the right location to deepen and grow.

No matter what name you were called as a child or adult.

The fault lies with the name caller, the enemy, not you.

Take some time to rediscover what you love.
Then go do it.
Our world will be the better for it.
And inside, so will you.

first crush at 11

One of my favorite songwriters & performers of all time is fellow Canadian Bryan Adams.

I was 11 when I heard his first hit song, ‘You Want It, You Got It’ and I began to fall in love with his husky tones, lyrical phrasing and rocky style when it was released in 1981.

I have followed his career and enjoyed his music ever since. His impact on my teens and my decision to keep singing, writing and playing instruments can’tbe minimized.

In 1984, I completely fell in love with him when I heard ‘Heaven’, a song that lead me on the quest to find out more about heaven.

1n 1991, Bryan wrote ‘Everything I Do, I Do it for You’ which was the song that helped me decide my answer to my heaven quest after much wondering and wandering.

Soon after our engagement in the early 90’s, my hubby bought me tickets to see Bryan live near where I live. We ended up behind the stage, which was fine with me because I already knew the music would be awesome, and being in the building anywhere was better than not. We didn’t know until the show started that it was a rotating stage.

Best. Concert. Ever.

We had the equivalent of a fifth row view of the stage without the extra cost. ­čÖé

Bryan’s career has spanned many years, with his last Canadian release, 11, coming out in 2008. Bryan is also an amazing photographer, actor and an active social activist on top of being a musician, song writer and producer. He also recently became a proud father.

Despite the fact he is almost 11 years my senior, I still remember my first crush vividly, and am thankful for the positive impact his music has had on my life.


Thank you Bryan Adams. You inspired me to be ready for love, find heaven, to love t-shirts, flannel & jeans, sing straight from the heart and rock steady along the way.