survivor, meet the Overcomer

Survivors are terrified of a reality they already innately know to be true: even if people did know, they wouldn’t do anything to help.

Kaeyley Trillis Haver, childhood rapper survivor

When we are under siege at a very young age, we can pick up partial truths and run with them:

It’s my fault my parents divorced.

I must have done something to deserve this.

I am unlovable.

No one will help me.

As my childhood molester told me, “No one will believe you, so you might as well keep it a secret anyways.”

So I did, until I came to know God.

Shortly after, in a counseling session which ended in being Sozo in style before I even knew what that was, God showed me where He had been in that scenario, then told me to tell my mother.

And I did, and she believed me.

Because molesters and rapists like to get you alone, we all believe that there is nothing any one would have done had they known what was going on, as the above quote from a survivor states.

I don’t fully accept that statement.

In the moment we may feel that is true. However, I believe there would be more of these incidents happening if Holy Spirit led people were not listening to His prompts to leave a situation, stay in pairs, step up and speak up, or not go when we sense we should stay home.

I also believe His angels protect and cover us from way more than we realize.

Although I didn’t know God at the time I was molested, the fact that He later showed me He had been there crying over me, and had prompted my brother to enter the room when he did proves to me God cares for me. And He moved to stop it from progressing further.

Soon after I became one of the Beloved, I was waiting for the subway train late one night on my way home from working an evening shift. I was listening to my Walkman, and wearing a backpack.

Just as the doors opened and I stepped on to the subway car, someone not on the train tried to pull me back onto the now empty platform by grabbing my backpack.

Within a split second of my face registering fear, a man within arms length inside the train grabbed me by the shoulders and yanked me forward so the doors could close.

He saved a perfect stranger from who knows what, and he didn’t have to but he stepped up and rescued me anyway.

Some times the truth is found somewhere between the lies we believe based on our experience and the vastly bigger reality God sees and moves in.

God in all His wisdom knows what we have come out of and what is coming ahead for us.

He doesn’t leave us how He found us to just survive our past any longer. God takes us gently by the hand, helps us to face our pain stored there, shows us the truth in a loving way, and guides us on into the wide open future ahead He has for us.

We are not left as just survivors in His Kingdom. God not only rebuilds and restores us, He bestows us with the ability to overcome through His Presence, power and strength.

When we are able to leave our pasts in the past as just part of the story which helps shape us but doesn’t dictate our storyline, we will no longer see ourselves as survivors.

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We will know and be able to walk out the truth: we are overcomers in and through Him.

And we will know that for every person who won’t get involved to help when there is a need, there is One who always will.

He can’t help Himself, His very nature of love cannot help coming to our rescue. Every time we cry of to Him, and even those times He sees our need before we do.

May we leave our outdated pasts and mindsets fully in the past, and move with confidence into the freedom God has for us as He walks beside us into the wonders up ahead, Beloved!

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PS. If you are in need of healing from something in your past, I have found God led counseling sessions very effective to help me step into the freedom I have in Him. Sozo is one such tool I have both experienced and learned about. If you would like to learn more, please visit http://bethelsozo.com/

Regrets

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Like all of us, I too have regrets in my past.

Not meeting Jesus earlier.
My behaviour in many situations.
My response to several circumstances.
The lack of love or compassion I failed to show many who crossed my path.
How I have been as a daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, cousin. Wife, mother. Friend, coworker, band mate, employee.
My walk as a follower of Jesus.

Like the image above, many days my regrets follow me around.

What I realized this morning is like the elephant’s egrets, my regrets were meant to serve a purpose.
But not be my 24/7 companion.

When regrets take His place, we take our gaze off His face.

Regrets are a reminder to us to drop to our knees before Him, confess our failings, ask for His grace, then walk in His strength.

Not cause us to do a u-turn away from our present and future living.

God didn’t save us to leave us where He found us, full of regrets, wounds and sin.

He brings us up out of the kingdom of darkness and cleans us off with His holiness.

He clothes us in His identity as one of His household.

He infuses us with His love, like a long fragrant perfumed bath.

He envelops us with hope.

He empowers us with His strength.

And He Himself wants to walk with us, every moment of every day.

Notice the verb tense changed to present, even though I was referring to my past, when He met me, where He found me.

God’s redemption may have occurred once for our salvation, yet it is meant to occur daily for our freedom.

We are fragile beings who have a tendency to focus on what is going wrong instead of all which is going well with us.

God knew this as our Designer.

For God too faced regrets, as we can see in the Word.

He regretted making man at least once, leading to the flood. He regretted His children falling into sin and being lured away by placing their hopes in false gods. (Israel, over and over again)

Yet He never showed regret for giving us the gift of new life through Jesus.

Living a new life means having no permanent regrets following us around. Your regrets get to flock into your past when you place them in Jesus’ loving hands. They become part of your history, not features in your ongoing story.

Regrets turn into redirection as God helps us live the life He has waiting for us to live in Him.

Make a list of your regrets. Bring them before the Lord and ask Him to guide you out of your past into the life ahead of you today. Then toss that list into the fireplace, or run it through your shredder.

God makes all things new, even me and you!

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Don’t dig up in doubt what you planted in faith.

Trust the love of God to help you uproot those regrets, so you can bear the fruit and enjoy the life He wants for you in this moment.

The life you spend together.

when history & destiny intersect

Our scars reflect our history but they don’t determine our destiny; they’re the intersection where our pain meets the needs of others.
David Cassidy

I used to feel badly about my scars, both the visible and private ones.

Not any longer.

Without my life experiences, I would not be who I am today.

I would not have hit rock bottom, and looked up to see the One who came not only to rescue me, but bind up my wounds,
heal my heart, mind & spirit,
and continuously pours His very life and live into me.

My scars may show the world i’ve been wounded in battle, but God sees them as testimony of His Presence in my life.

For they are now scars, not open sucking the life out of me wounds.
He has made me whole.

The next time you think your scars are not of any importance, see how much they relate to how He has gifted you.

I can write, sing & share how He has given me a full makeover, because I was the one needing the full renovation.

I can relate, because I once walked there.

I refuse to allow the enemy to stir up guilt or shame about what God has healed & sealed as finished.

If you struggle with your scars, spend sometime with Him today.

Share your heart.

Hear His beating for you.

Rest in His embrace.

Listen for His love & wisdom whispers.

He awaits you, sister, brother.

He is waiting to continue your healing.

When heaven intersects with humanity, new life happens.

For He has never stopped being in the Creation business.

In Him, by Him and because of Him, all things can be made new!

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let it flow

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Five years ago, I hit a bit of a harder patch than ever before. Injuries, illnesses & secrets revealed combined in an attempt to soak me dry to the bone.

Without God, the enemy would have succeeded in fully leaching the life out of me.

As it is, God held me even closer, spoke to me more clearly, and poured life into me, each & every day.

He keeps doing so with each new today.

The hardest part for me each year seemed to always hit around my birthday.

And quite frankly, without God, my kids & my best friends, there wouldn’t have been anything worth celebrating.

My hubby, post two major surgeries without full resolution of all his problems, got some good news this week. They may know what is causing his last plaguing symptom.

I ended up with an unexpected tax bill this month, which slapped me silly for a few hours before I could hear God whisper, “I got this. I told you breakthrough is coming.”

Hubby got one of his best tax refunds back within 6 days of filing. Which more than covered my bill, the two main needs we have needing repair, and knocking off 1/4 of our debt.

Numbers don’t mean that much to me. Relationship is more important, and always will be.

But the weight I was still carrying over our finances was quite a load, and God told me this week its His to carry, so hand it over & stop taking it back. He set me free.

So far this past 48 hours, God has been knocking my socks off with an outpour of blessing I have not been expecting, but am so grateful for.

My hubby, daughter & son all amped up and blew me away with their gifts of love, and time.

My besties rocked me again with blessings wrapped in laughter & care. They have kept me close through the rocky days, and loved me as I needed to be loved all the way. My chicks, my heart sister gifts God knew I would need in my life? Abundant blessings, each one.

My coworkers sang me happy birthday, and threw me an apple themed party (apple crumble, apple coffee cake, sour apple can’t & apple danish!).

My parents are taking us all out to dinner tonight, and have been so supportive to us all over this past long haul that tears well up from thinking about their love shown in action.

What I have learned, and celebrate today?

I have always had blessings growing around me, because of His handiwork.

He has been the giver and keeper of my life.

He is the Water I need to drink in every day, to keep life flowing in my spirit.

He is the Word I crave daily, to fill me up and direct me how to life & get to know Him more.

The garden of my life will never run dry when I choose to ask the Gardener to keep pouring Himself into it. The pruning, uprooting and straightening out that occurs under the Gardener’s hand may be painful, the pests attack may try to permanently damage, but I celebrate the Life Giver has me.

Not just my back.
He’s fully got me.

And so, even when the bad days try to gray out all the Son, I can still water my garden, with His love, grace and mercy, and hope for the new day’s blessings to come, as He has planned for me!

Every day, not just our birthdays or anniversaries are worth celebrating! So pull out your nice dishes, fave tea cup, recipe you save for a special occasion.

Jesus has you.

Worth celebrating every moment of every day!

Don’t forget to allow Him to water your garden daily. Keep your eyes on the new growth each season. Let Him bring to life a new you as you sink deeper into Him.

break the yolk

Yesterday, during worship, I had an encounter with God that shook me.

Literally & figuratively.

I have a few physical issues that have been bothering me, some of them long years of discomfort.

But i had a sense in that split second that although my physical issues are a big deal to me, there was something i needed to be set free from in my spirit. A foothold the enemy had been clinging onto, holding me back.

So when the call came to approach His throne and seek what He had for us in that moment, on that day- I answered, and obeyed His prompting.

I don’t remember much of what was spoken over me, because I had a warm but not fiery heat hit from the top of my head to the soles of my feet, and a weight of awesomeness fall.  Its pretty hard to describe, but my senses were completely awakened and captivated by Him. All i wanted to do was to worship in His Presence with every fibre of my being.

What my mind recalls of what was spoken over me? The very answer to what my spirit had been longing for, but I had not known i needed so desperately until i heard His declaration:

The anointing is soaking in to cover my all, from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet.

The yoke of slavery is broken.

Freedom of body, freedom of mind, freedom of spirit.

Nothing missing, nothing broken.

I am no longer under the heavy yoke of the enemy, but am one with my God, moving forward together in the freedom He paid so dearly to gain for us, for me.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:30 (ESV)

I felt something come to life within me after that time of worship.

I believe out of His great love, He can do the same for each of us.

Its time to wipe the yolk of the enemy off of our face, break free from his yoke, and stand firm in the position and calling God has for us.

No more shame, no more bondage, no more addiction, no more false guilt, no more hiding.

I want all He has for me.

He wants the same for us.

I believe inside each of us is that same longing, desire to be made whole.

When we stand at His side fully submitted to Him, the enemy will not be able to regain his footing in our lives.

The yokes he tried to place upon us will remain on his shoulders.

For we know Who wins in the end.

The yolk’s on him.

 

sea foam break down

As I was walking this morning, I had a mini revelation about my fave colour.

I absolutely love sea foam/pistachio/moss green.

And today, as I was quietly listening to my Abba, I heard about why it is suited to me, why I am drawn to it.

Sea foam is a mix of green (made up of blue & yellow) and gray (black & white).

The blue represents both the ocean of my tears, and my delight at water & sky.  Blue purifies as it flows.

The yellow is the touch of sun my body craves, and the Son-light my entire being longs for.

Green is the life and growth colour, how God can grow new life from the seeds He waters and shines His light on to grow in His Presence.

The black represents the dark places that need to be uprooted, the white the purity God brings to the mix.

And the gray? The times where I could not see beyond the storms, when God broke through and let His light brighten the dark times, and the gray we can find ourselves overwhelmed by when we take our eyes off of Him.

All this makes up my favorite colour. 

When I wear it, I feel more like His daughter. I sense His closeness, and the pleasure He longs to reveal to me, His beloved.

I feel the prettiness and purity God sees when He looks at me.

People around me notice the difference when I wear this color, without knowing why.

So, I will continue to love my favorite color in the various hues I wear or decorate with, for it draws me closer to the One who absolutely adores me, and would do anything for me….which He has, and continues to do.

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my favorite purse, on my similarly hued sofa 😉

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my fave scarf with one of my two jackets

What colour helps you draw closer to Him?  Have you ever thought about that before?

#seafoamalltheway

out of the dark

All new life comes out of the dark places.

-Ann Voskamp

Out of the hard broken places, hope can spring. If you keep a small nugget alive…like a tiny mustard seed just waiting to germinate.

You see, I know first hand how this is true.

The dark places help illuminate the hidden truth waiting to be found.

Being abandoned helped me know God as faithful.

Being broken led me to discover Him as healer.

Feeling lonely, He met me within, and has never left me since. God is with me.

Scared when facing hard news, He has been my Comfort.

In loss, He has always Provided.

With storms, He is my Anchor, and brings Peace.

Without the opposite to illuminate His quality, I might miss experiencing them first hand.

I am not saying that God sends terrible actions on us just to reveal Himself to us.

Humanity has enough within it to bring on more than enough terrible acts without blaming God for them.

I am saying God is, always has been, and always will be revealing Himself to all of us who are, ever were and ever will be on earth.

His quality, His true character shines for all to see.
His handiwork in the natural world around us is breathtaking.
His skill and depths of creativeness in making each person on earth unique and original is mind blowing.

The fact He keeps radiating love towards us, despite all the yuck and muck we being upon ourselves, the pain and hurt inflicted by others, our shattered dreams and what its…shows just how amazing that love truly is.

Every winter, the earth prepares itself for a hard time. The ground is dark, hard and nor very appealing as the season passes.

The perennial seeds we planted in moments of hope will come to life when the Light, and spring, arrive
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The dark times will move into their place in our distant memory when HiStory steps in, ready and willing to release the new life just waiting for us to invite Him in.

the countdown is on

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Aslan knew what He was doing when He offered Himself in the traitor’s place.

He knew that only blood from a willingly poured out life was offered on the altar, there would be no freedom.

Life would stay bound in permanent ice. No true warmth. No hope. Endless cold.

This winter, the area where I live got a long glimpse of the seemingly endless season of ice, cold and snow.
It was enough after five months to leave many Ontarians depressed and longing for spring to come.

But what if like in Narnia, winter never left?

How would you cope?

You may just laugh off that question with the comment, “That is only fiction, this is real life. That could never happen.”

Divorce, traumatic death, sudden job loss, serious illness.

All start like with a day.

Day added to day, adding weeks, to months to seasons to years.

There are some situations that feel like never ending winter.

When our hearts refuse to thaw, afraid to feel loss or pain again.

When we are so lonely in feeling misunderstood, we will betray our family, friends or faith in a blind act…and wish we hadn’t a second too late.

Aslan, or Jesus as we know Him here, knew we would feel stuck in the ice. Depressed, hating ourselves, stuck and unable to break free. At a loss to know what to do.

We don’t need to do anything save ask for His help.

He already did it all.

On the cross, with all our sins the nails that pierced him, it was His love for us and His desire to see us free that kept Him there to die.

Not the enemy’s plan.

God’s plan was set in motion from before our world was formed. The deepest magic as referred to in Narnia. The wild untameable outside our comprehension fantastically extravagant amazing love plan hatched by the Father, fulfilled by the Son as equipped through the Spirit.

It takes faith to strip away what we need to give over and lay at the foot of the cross.

Believing…

God is who He says He is, as we see through His many names and character traits in the bible.

God did what He said He did- sent Jesus to live and breathe and walk among us.

God loves us as He says He does, not holding His most precious son back but offering Him as an expression of devoted passionate love to those who will accept this gift.

His defeat of what holds us back becomes the gift for all who choose to receive it.

Freedom, forgiveness, a new start.

Redemption, restoration, a new life.

Peace, hope, joy, love, grace, mercy.

Enough to thaw the iciest of heart and set it on fire with an unending flame.

Spring has come.
Winter is over.
Arise, and walk into the new day, new life that is waiting for you.

A new chapter in your story is waiting to be written.

Adventure is calling, and the History Maker is waiting to walk beside you through it all. Come into all that freedom had for you.

The countdown is on.
Victory is on His way.