Tag: pain

tears for now

Karla Lees

I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: “Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making His home with men and women! They’re His people, He’s their God. He’ll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good—tears gone, crying gone, pain gone—all the first order of things gone.”

Revelation 21:3-4 MSG

The Good News has arrived once in the person of Jesus, but God’s story for His people doesn’t end with that first arrival here on earth.

In Revelations, we are reminded the Good News yet to come…Jesus is coming again.

He is going to come back and make His home with His people, Beloved.
He will live with us, not just within us where He currently resides.

And once He has moved in, look at the next things He does….

He wipes every single tear from our eyes.

For He brings peace with His presence.

In fact, He will stop us from crying or weeping at all.

For He brings joy in His Presence.

We will never experience or suffer another pain. Ever!

For He brings hope in His Presence.

We will never die again.

For He gives life to those in His Presence!

The Promise will come to pass when we are with Him forever. No more tears, crying, pain or death!

Now is not forever, as You remind us all, God!

What a promise to celebrate! Sing, journal, dance – however you best offer your thanksoffering of praise for His promise yet to come!

Let this truth soak deep into the hearts and minds of the Beloved, Abba. Bring it back to the forefront when we need the reminder in the hard moments, Holy Spirit. May we entrust all we are, pain and tears, hopes and dreams, grief and loss, joy and hope, into Your loving, more than capable hands, Jesus. 

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when it’s hard to believe for the best

Karla Lees

Yesterday was a day filled with highs and lows, from which I am still both in shock and filled with praise as i process it all.

It is hard seeing your child reeling with hurt. One of mine is struggling to show honor in a placement where she has been discouraged and put down by the leadership for the past several weeks, simply because they are negative people.

The other child heard he may need surgery to fix a disc and nerve problem.

It has been hard to come alongside them and not take over, as the momma within rages at the circumstances.

Instead, I have stood and praised Him despite how I am feeling.

My children are not my babies anymore. They are both young adults who have had curve balls hurled their way, and are still standing up to praise Him in the midst.

If I have done nothing else right in the hard times of my life, seeing my kids raise Him in praise no matter the season blesses my heart for my part modeling how to do so.

But more importantly, it blesses His heart for their part in bringing Him the sacrifice of praise.

Last night, my country took a radical turn politically.  One that i sense will leave scars across every province. People who had served their constituents well were voted out because the nation decided to teach its former leader a lesson.

Experience can help guide us in the hard times, but faith in who you believe in needs to be our bedrock during the storms.

There is no one politician upon whose shoulders Canada can rest for safe haven in the coming storms.

There is only One pair of arms who can wrap around us and help us to stand, safe and secure in His embrace from what may come.

That became evident in a conversation with a coworker who had been reeling from an unexpected demand to prove himself again to a new team addition in another organization he works for, when he already has done so to the team as a whole for over a year.  His commitment to his word and the Word has been an inspiration to those who know Him, and inspired me to dig deeper into all He has for me. He cried out to God, spoke in response as He led, and God is stirring up the leadership to come out swinging in his defence.  As he waits, not yet knowing how this will all play out.

Yet He knows His security is not found in the support of human leaders, although he is blessed with their favor, but the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

In the last 48 hours I have stepped up to the plate three times as God has called me to, and used my gifting in ways I wasn’t quite ready for.  I suspect that was so He could show me just how solid and dependable He could be for me as I solely put my Hope and trust in Him to strengthen and empower me for the tasks I stepped into.

He blew me away with His grace, and the knowledge He was with me. He showed up in power, and lives were blessed through the encounters with Him as a result.

Because I emptied myself of me all the more, He had more room to move through and in me to use me as a blessing where He had placed me.   It wasn’t easy to let go of my struggle to be in control, but it was so sweet to rest in Him and allow Him to lead.

In a hard place?

Wounded from an unexpected arrow in the battle?

Weary from the race?

Fearful of what lies ahead?

Find comfort in knowing you are never alone, Beloved.

Draw strength from His embrace.

Proclaim His praise even when things look dim and grey.

Rest in Him, as He keeps you by His side, and helps you to stand.

May He fill your heart to overflowing with His love, as you fix your eyes upon Him above the waves, and take hold of the Rock of Ages. He promises He will come to us, His Beloved, the ones He died to save from sin. He will not abandon us in the battle.  He will come to our rescue, and show Himself strong as our defence.

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My comfort, Your promise

Karla Lees

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I am hurting today.

My body is yearning for relief,
my soul is crying for release.

And the first Word I read today as I open Your Word?

This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your promise gives me life.
Psalm 119:50 ESV

I choose to believe You answered my heart cry in those Words, for as soon as I read them, I felt peace wash over me.

The peace which passes understanding.

The Promise which endures.

For all Your promises come to pass God, for You cannot lie.

What You speak, comes to life.

It’s who You are, not just what You say.

Hope reentered my weariness, and assumed readiness for my day ahead.

I am holding the peace & joy You have so lovingly & kindly refueled within me again today.

Knowing if I rest in You, Your rest will be in me.

No matter what.

If like me, you are in desperate need for Him, draw close….

Come as you are.
Find rest for your soul.
Be filled to overflow.
In His Presence, become whole.
Continue to follow Him all your days.

snapshots along the Way: He Knew

Karla Lees

You knew.

You knew that the same people who cried Hosanna as You entered Jerusalem were the same ones who would pick up the stones to judge one another’s sin, and nail You to the cross.

You knew.

You knew we all hide our brokenness under the cover of what we think others want us to be and the pain, shame and agony of holding in our sin & the sin done to us could not be set free any other way.

You knew.

You knew this before You came.
God with us.
Yet You came anyway.

You knew this & kept it in the forefront of Your thought as You helped landscape the earth, design the canopy of stars & planets in the skies above, fashion the depths of the ocean floors, hang the sun and moon in place and set the seasons on their annual rotation.

You knew.

You knew the man and woman You fashioned with such care and love would stray and break Your heart, and let sin enter us all, yet You went ahead with Your plan anyways.

Because You knew Your bride would be worth it.

Honestly God, there are times I don’t get it. Like Hosea, I struggle with the love You ask me to show, yet I know You love me so deeply and permanently, despite all I do.

You know.

You know me better than i know myself.

You know all of us this way.

And because of this love, hearing the inner cry of the broken we all cry within the secret places we keep hidden, You chose to come and be one of us.

To show us how depending 100% on Abba can make a difference in how we can live our lives.

To show us just how far Love will go to show the one He loves the enormity of His affection & longing.

To show us we never have to be alone again.

As we head along the journey once again towards the cross, may we take the time to admit we are the reason He had to head there.

We needed to see His love in action in order to get, to grasp, just how much He loves us.

He knew.

#snapshotsalongtheWay
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name the doubt & grab His hem

Karla Lees

I am more than a bit timid when it comes to asking God for something i want for myself.

In fact, I tend to ask for myself as a tag along, or add on at the end of praying for other people’s needs.

Which isn’t a healthy symptom at all.

You see, that likely means i am not submitting to the fullness of what God has for me.

By struggling to try and cope on my own, i miss out not only on the strength He has for me, but experiencing His care and growing in our relationship.

And I am oh so tired of caring for myself on my own.

I remember reading the verses about the woman with the bleeding issue when i was first a believer, and relating to her:

And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her.  Luke 8:43

I too have had an issue with cysts and heavy bleeding since i was 14 years old.  No one has been able to stop it here on earth. I am thankful that it has slowed with medical intervention & eating a healthier diet (staying away from too much caffeine along with all soy & dairy has helped develop less cysts and keep my hormones more in check), but it has not been healed so far…

And today, I acknowledge to myself, God and all of you,  my heart has stopped believing in my dream…. to be able to say the following as part of my testimony:

She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. Luke 8:44

Boy, putting that into words both hurts and feels freeing to my spirit.

I say i believe, but my trust in His best plan for me has waffled over this issue….literally, of blood.

I believe, I know He can heal, for I have both seen it and experienced it in other ways.

But will He?

The Word reminds us God is our healer in many places, and how He has the best in store for those who love & follow Him.  I believe in that truth deep down.

His capability is not in question in my mind or heart.

His will is for me to be whole, fully restored, and healed.

But will He heal me in this area?

Ultimately, I know when I meet Him face to face as i enter eternity, I will be the me He planned for me to be since creation.  And i do draw comfort in that actuality, that fact yet to pass.

But will He heal me in this area now?

Timing becomes the question… I want His healing now.  I am weary of having spent 20 years of gross frustrating embarrassing and exhausting at times handling this issue.

And that is the crux of the problem.

I have been gripping this issue too tightly.

I have not fully let go of it and gripped on to His hem.

I am tired of trying to hold it all together, Lord.

I am letting go of my timing, my desires for You to heal  me on my terms.

I am grabbing the hem of Your robe, pressing in and refusing to let go.

Because I KNOW You want me healed.

I speak this out right now, I believe You’re my Healer.

You can, You want to, and You will heal me.

And until Your timing is released for this issue of blood to be removed from me, You will be more than enough to keep me in the midst of my struggle.

You have been for me since before I was born, and always will be.

I surrender my doubts that You don’t care about me enough to heal me, You may not ever heal me while I am here on earth, and I am not worthy to be healed.

Because of what You did on the cross, Jesus, You have made me worthy through the covering of Your blood. I can approach with confidence because the veil has been torn, and You invite me to come.  The One who rose from the grave? He is more than able.

And like the daughter in this story, I do not go unnoticed. You are keeping Your eye on me.

I pray that how the story ended for the woman in Luke 8 ends the same for me, but I am determined not be hiding when You do heal me, God, but shouting it from the rooftops. May You build in me the Rock solid faith I need for my healing to come to pass because of Your touch:

 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.  When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”  But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.” Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”

Reader,  did you know its okay to have doubts?

Its not okay to keep your doubts hidden.

We need to bring them out into the light of His presence, so He can help us seem them in alignment with His truth, and who He is.

Doubts hidden become strongholds of the enemy, giving him space in our minds where he was never meant to roam, and begin to trap our spirits in chains from the pit.  

God made us to long for more.

Come as you are to God. He loves us as we are….whether wounded, broken, hurting, doubting, fearful, angry, insecure, lonely.  He never makes us feel bad for our feelings, but as He pours His love into us, we can be healed and made whole beyond imagining.

He is and always will be more than enough for all we need, and works tirelessly to bring His design for us into reality!

So I will never let go of Your hem God. Because close to You is where i was meant to be.

 

 

 
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when the pain cries out to be heard

Karla Lees

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I woke up this morning to my worst overall pain day in a long while.

I am not going to tell you exactly what hurts, because I had a revelation about pain earlier today I need to share.

I have spent too much of my life listening to pain’s voice speak louder than God’s voice.

NO. MORE.

I am standing on my belief that God is more than enough to get me through whatever is paining me whether physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually.

I am taking the megaphone away from pain and handing it back to God:

the Song who wants to sing His strength into me.

The Love who wants to pour His heart into mine.

The Peace who wants to bring solace to my spirit.

The Truth who will never leave me or forsake me, who is always with me, and eternally keeps His promises.

The Living Water who wants to splash His Presence over my pain, until He is the focus of all I can see, hear & sense.

The Eternal One who will never fail, whose goodness abounds from everlasting to everlasting!

Recently, God gave me the revelation that when I am able to abandon myself before Him in worship, my pain ebbs away, and often completely disappears in His Presence.

If pain ebbs or goes in His Presence, then I intend on keeping myself close to Him.

Not just because I feel better, but because He wants to take away my pain.

Jesus went to the cross not only for all sin & shame, but pain, infirmity & illness.

He reigns over all of it, this amazing loving awe-striking Saviour, who came to meet ALL our needs…

I choose to listen to the One who is for me, over the voice of the one who tries to tear me down.

Now is the day to tune in to His voice first, making it the loudest voice you hear each day.

All of heaven resounds with His voice…and as I align myself with His best for me (hearing Him first) I believe, I know my pain will be put in its rightful place by my Maker, Saviour, Healer & King!

I believe You’re my Healer,
I believe You are all I need.
I believe You’re my portion,
I believe You’re more than enough for me, Jesus You’re all I need!
-Kari Jobe, Healer

when words fail

Karla Lees

Hearing about how Christians are being persecuted, tortured & killed for their faith hurts.

For we are one body, one bride, one church in Jesus.

And when one part of the body hurts, the whole body feels the pain. Sure, those closest to that part may feel it more intensely, but when the part is removed, the whole body has to readjust and learn to compensate.

God calls us to life down here on earth, in the midst battle over the ground the enemy is trying to conquer as his….each of us.

You see, the enemy doesn’t really want land mass, he wants to rule the masses.

He is jealous for God’s kingdom, and will not stop trying to destroy it until Jesus comes and puts an end to him once and for all.

The enemy knows this, which is why he tries so hard to discourage, stir up dissent, distract & decoy us from Kingdom living.

He thought that if this slaughter of His lambs were made public, he could turn the flock away from the Lamb.

He was wrong.

God’s people begin to pray all the more and share Jesus all the louder when we hear & see His people being taken out.

For where the enemy leaves wounds, God brings healing.

Where hearts are broken, God binds up & makes anew.

Where anguish is the cry, God brings His peace.

These are not just platitudes, but hard earned truths I have experienced in my life.

You see, a few years ago now, my lovely sister in law decided she couldn’t take the burdens she carried any longer, and listened to the enemy’s lie that she was better off dead.

She succeeded.

And almost destroyed her husband, rocked our world & stirred up the mental strongholds the enemy has over a few of the family.

If it hadn’t been for God, there would be no family left. Honestly.

God showed up so powerfully at her funeral, and the gospel was fully shared for all to hear…for she was a believer.  I know, because i witnessed her genuine acceptance of Jesus as she poured out her need for him.

Had I not been there, I couldn’t have reassured her husband and mine that she was in God’s hands.
Not the enemy’s greedy clutches. as he had hoped.

God honors our heart’s cry for Him, even if we wander lost for a season or two in the desert.

The peace that God brought into this situation was beyond capture-able in words. 

He revealed His love and grace, mercy and calm beyond words.

We hardly had words to speak in our grief, but He knew.

So my prayer for all of us in the body who are dealing with traumatic loss, heart break, illness, family chaos, debt?

May you press into His Presence with everything you’ve got.
He will be there when you seek Him.
He will hold you together when you begin to fall apart.
He will never leave your side through the lows.
He will rejoice with you in the highs.
He will lavishly love you every step of the way for the rest of your life.

When words fail, the Word steps in and intercedes.

Because what breaks our hearts matters to Him.
When His children hurt, He hurts. When His children die, He cries for our loss as He gathers them Home.

Our words may fail us in the storms that come, but our Word never will. Ever.

If your heart is heavy, draw near to Him and ask Him to lighten your load.  If your soul is parched, ask Him to quench it with life & hope again. If you hunger for more, He will meet your need.

And if you find yourself facing your ISIS one day, He will more than equip you to stand your ground, and lead you into heaven at His side.

And what about the enemy? He knows his days are numbered, and he knows who will win.

He knows it isn’t him.

One God rules, forever and ever!

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The #1 Pain Reliever

Karla Lees

Over the past couple of decades, I have had numerous physical and hurtful issues arise.

I have learned that God is the best pain reliever I can ever ask for…and I first learned that lesson at the same time as how to quickly forgive…. all in one painful incident!

I had difficulties with delivering both my beloved babies, and needed a major repair job after baby #2.  This consisted of opening up the channel, reattaching some innards where they needed to be moved, and sealing it all up with numerous stitches.

I can almost sense you wincing as you read the above paragraph. Yep, it was as painful as you are imagining.

But here’s the clincher.

When I had been interviewed pre-surgery by the pharmacy assistant, she asked if I had any allergies to any antibiotics or pain relievers. And I do, morphine and anything related to it. (Nothing like a freaky trip of seeing spiders all over your newborn for 4 hours as you scratch the hives to let you know ‘hey, you are allergic to this!’)

So I woke up post op from one of the most painful surgeries a female can have (according to my lady surgeon) to find I had no orders for pain medication to be filled.

Nothing.

For about 3-4 hours (until my surgeon got out of her next surgery and checked in with me) I had no pain relief given to me by the hospital.

Let me tell you, the waves of pain were riding pretty high at that time.

The only relief I had was crying out to Jesus.  Praying with every new wave of pain that He would help me to make it to the ebb on the other side.

When my surgeon came in to check on me, I was apparently a little pale but otherwise appeared okay apart from my fists clenched tightly around the blankets.

When I asked if I could have something for pain, my very active always in motion surgeon stood completely still, and asked me what did I mean.

I let her know way more coolly than I felt that I had not been given any pain medication after waking up from the surgery.

Eyes a-blazing, she grabbed my chart and immediately headed out to the nurses station to write an order. I caught part of the conversation as she angrily informed the duty staff she was headed to pharmacy to give someone a piece of her mind. 

I had a pain pill within 2 minutes to help take the edge off.

But God got me through.

The second major time I found God to be the best pain reliever, I was hospitalized for what they think now may have been a gall bladder attack. For 6 days. Not too bad apart from the fact the gal in the bed next to me had an IV battery that alerted it was needing to be changed every ten minutes round the clock. For six days straight.

Not only was I physically unwell, but I was severely sleep deprived and hitting sheer mental & physical exhaustion.  The only relief I had was praying, calling out to Jesus. 24/7.He kept me sane, and somehow helped me to rest in the chaos I was temporarily living in that week.

The last time I will share with you when I found God the only pain reliever possible was for an emotional & spiritual pain that happened right after a family trauma. 

Someone threw a javelin poisoned by the enemy right at my heart, out of the blue, in the middle of an intense sudden loss.

How it hurt.

I could hardly breathe.  I spoke a word of honor in response and immediately removed myself from the situation, leaving my husband to deal with the resulting aftermath.

I collapsed into a sobbing mess of hurt in the corner of that hallway, and with everything within me once again cried out to God. I asked Him to take away the pain, of this wound, but more importantly remind me how much He loved me, right then and there.

(Not even a year prior, I lost my beloved Farmor. My Danish grandmother who I adored….you kinda need to know that for what comes next.)

Not even five minutes passed of me blubbering in the hallway, than a woman who looked strikingly like my grandmother came up to me, loving patted me on the shoulder and said “It will be okay, dear” in a Scandinavian accent.

In that swift encounter, God reinforced He has a great life ahead for me, as loving spoken through a familiar face.

I was able to forgive immediately almost after that encounter, and have not had a jolt of pain about that incident since. 

How do I know God is the best pain reliever?  I can recall each three of these terrible moments in my life (as well as many more) and not have any pain attached to them at all. Zip.

Do I still have physical pain?
Un huh.

Do I occasionally take something to help with pain?

Yes, but not until I have prayed about it first.

I love you, God— You make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight.
My God—the high crag where I run for dear life, hiding behind the boulders, safe in the granite hideout.

Psalm 18:1-2 (MSG) are just two of the verses from Psalm 18, one of my go to Psalms I grab when times get tough, and pain strikes.

I find reminding myself as I read them:
•who He is
•what He has done
•where isn’t He?
•when is just around the bend
•how much He loves me

As I press into His Presence, believing He cares about me so much, He is right along side me in my pain, storms and hard seasons. He has been every single time.

I have found prayer, genuinely seeking His Presence, is the best pain reliever there is.

There are no negative side effects,
its free for all, no special training is needed.  He is always available, comes to where You are and never leaves us through it all.

Prayer isn’t the spare tire, but rather the steering wheel into His Presence.

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God can use our pain to reach us, to comfort us, to heal us and to hold us.

There is no substitute for seeking this kind of pain reliever first!

Note: I know if you have a serious illness, medications are needed. I am simply saying that the inner pain of our heart, emotions, broken dreams and wounds cannot be fixed by pills, alcohol or whatever substitute you may be drawn to.  Seek Him first, and follow as He leads.  He is more than enough to help you with whatever pain you are holding onto, or going through. xo

beautiful mess

Karla Lees

All around
Hope is springing up
from this old ground
Out of chaos
life is being found in You..

You make beautiful things
out of the dust
You make beautiful things
out of us

Beautiful Things, Tim Neufeld

God sees something beautiful in messy, broken me.

The same is true of you.

God looks at us, and sees what we may not be able to see in ourselves:
*promise
*hope
*His handiwork
*worth
*precious treasure
*His hands & feet
*our covering in Christ

He doesn’t see:
*our sin
*our failures
*when we strayed
*our mistakes
once we have given them over to Him.

He sees our messy chaotic lives, and sees beauty in our midst…because of Jesus.

Inviting Jesus in starts an internal reno that Holy Spirit will not complete until we meet God face to face in glory.

It means God sees the hope living within us, rather than our failure.

It means we have that living hope no matter what.

Broken in spirit, body, mind, heart?

Bound by sin?

Believing in enemy lies?

God doesn’t leave us there.
He restores our hope,
returns our dreams,
remolds our breaks,
redirects us to the right path.
He offers an embrace of grace when we think we deserve a slap in the face.

Take a walk through your bible.
Take a close look at the God you see enclosed in the truth contained within.
God doesn’t leave those who seek His Presence where He found them:
Abram > Abraham
Sarai> Sarah
Jacob> thief to head of Israel
Saul> Paul, killer of Christians to evangelist for Christ
David> shepherd to king, murderer & adulterer>man after God’s own heart
Solomon> overindulging philanthropist to wisest man & builder of His temple
Esther> pretty teenager to redeemer of her people
Rahab> prostitute to one of God’s chosen
Ruth> foreigner to beloved grandmother of David
Samson> playboy to judge, betrayer who God restored to mete out justice

This is just the tip of the iceberg of what God can do with a willing heart that beats for Him.

What we may see may be overwhelming pain, brokenness, mess beyond our ability to fix or clean…

Nothing is beyond His ability to repair.

God has never stopped being in the creation business.

When we look to Him, and choose to follow, He begins to restore us back to how He originally intended us to be: fully His.

His view of what is really going on is from His loving, eternal, all-knowing perspective.

We need to trust He knows what He is doing.

If we are listening, He will speak love, restoration and hope into our lives along the way.

Our situations do not limit His ability, they reflect humanity’s inability.

God chose to make us in His image, and will never stop restoring us until we are called home with Him.

And along the way, He makes beautiful things out of the dust, out of us.

Our hope is built on nothing less than the God of the universe.

Our beauty is not based on what we see, but His vision.

Our brokenness becomes something beautiful when we allow the Potter to remold us & give us His peace.

On the days when brokenness feels overwhelming, try to keep this truth in mind: When God looks at us, He sees something beautiful! Ask Him to give you clear direction and peace when you cannot see the beauty He sees.

Hey, if you want a few good tips on how to spot beauty in the broken on a hard day, especially a Monday, please visit: Beauty in Brokenness at POTSC.
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cracked

Karla Lees

Forget your perfect offering 
There is a crack in everything 
That’s how the light gets in.

-Leonard Cohen

Those who know me best know I am slightly cracked.

Not just because I have an off the wall sense of humor at times, but for a lesser known reason.

I believe its okay not to be okay all the time.

I know been working hard at becoming more purposefully transparent.

Meaning if someone asks me how my day is, I answer truthfully, not with the generic “Okay” we can tend to automatically reply with when we don’t want to let people know how we are really doing…whether we are afraid to share it, or fearful of either their indifference or judgment.

This weekend, I sensed I was to get a long term chronic pain in my left hip looked at. Not knowing exactly what direction that meant, I decided to just listen for a few days for clarification.

Sunday morning, our first speaker shared a story about you guessed it, a problem with his hip stemming from a foot injury (mine was a knee injury). After the sermon, I was more convince than ever I needed to get my hip looked at (the speaker ended up needing surgery, after imaging revealed some serious damage to his hip).

My fear factor took over big time. I assumed the timing of this talk meant I might need an MRI or possibly surgery, at the best case it was a flare of early osteoarthritis, which has shown up in my hands & feet over the past year. Forget the fact that I have had four car accidents and two knee surgeries, i just mentally jumped the gun to my worst case scenario.

I briefly mentioned this to one of my bosses on Monday, who happens to be an excellent sport physiotherapist, and asked if he thought a thorough assessment would be a good idea, or go right for imaging. (A physiotherapist can write a letter of recommendation for imaging to a doctor based on their findings.) He thought both worth considering, as this issue has been bothering me off and on for years, and could be an indication of something serious.

Today, an unexpected cancelation and a incidental delay in a meeting allowed me to fit in a very thorough and a bit uncomfortable assessment. I was very honest about my related history, and the physio was equally honest with her questions during the exam.

The findings?

One of my legs is a centimeter shorter than the other, which (in my understanding) is causing my muscles from my hip to tilt my pelvis slightly forward to compensate, painfully tightening my back and hip muscles in the process. What I experienced as my back giving out was my body’s cry of exhaustion and help.

A lift in my left shoe, a few rounds of an uncomfortable stretch, some support taping and instructions not to put my feet up at the end of the day nor to stay seated too long have combined to drop my pain level about 50%.

I am dumbfounded at how God stirred me to speak about what I was fearful of to the right person, and how His timing reworked my schedule to make this happen.

If I hadn’t spoken out my concern and need, I wouldn’t have found the answer He meant for me to find. He cracked through my fear to highlight the root of what was really going on. And I am left grateful and hopeful for a less pain filled future!

So I shared this with my family, my life group tonight, and now with you.

Because its okay to answer we aren’t okay, if that is how you truly are.

God invited those who are weary and heavy burdened to come to Him for rest.

Not those who have it all together.
Rather, those of us who know our need, are willing to admit it, and willingly come to Him.

I know my cracks and how much I need to be fixed.

Despite it all, I realize if i weren’t cracked, you couldn’t see Him shine through my weakness.

Because some days, its only His strength that is keeping me going.

And that is okay.

May you see Him clearly through the cracks in your life, as He has been shining through mine.

We don’t need to be perfect to hold His glory, just willing to be filled.

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