imprints

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Yesterday was officially Infant & Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day.

Those of us who have lost a child know three key things from our loss:

1. We think about it way more than once a year.

2. We need to talk about it more than once a year.

3. Things have been forever changed.

Once a year only serves as a jump off point for those who need to heal from this kind of loss.

Let me tell you, almost nothing in my life has been more traumatic than the loss of my first pregnancy.

Discovering that I carried him, and the heartbreak of losing him all within a six week period impacted me hard, like falling into a cement block would.

Yet this wee one, whose feet never touched the ground, had a positive impact upon me too.

For God reminded me:
– He had made him (I believe his name is Andrew) and gifted us with him. 
-all life is precious to Him, regardless of how long we get to spend here on earth
-He was with me in Andrew’s conception, his growth and his departing. He never left my side through it all.

I think often what life would have been like had Andrew made it to birth, and at every stage I have celebrated in wonder as my two miracles have grown before my very eyes.

You see, I was so traumatized by losing my first child that I was literally a fear time bomb when I realized I was pregnant again, with my daughter.

Yet God was so gracious in how He poured love, freedom and hope within me as He reassured me He was with me, every time I ran to Him & nestled into His embrace.

I discovered joy in both my following pregnancies, despite my fear.

My delivery of my daughter was a whole other drama (think about having a dozen witnesses!) but I made it through, and delighted in her arrival.  My son’s delivery was scarier, yet God gave me a peace beyond comprehension that he was going to make it, and he did.

Because I had been set free from the heartbreak of loss, I was able to whole hearted accept the gift He handed me. New life.

All my children have been incredible gifts.

One i will meet face to face beside Jesus.

The other two I am honored to say I will have the pleasure of introducing to their sibling who went on ahead one heavenly moment yet to come.

Sometimes when you have lost, in my case, the depth God went to to heal me from my miscarriage, you are blessed to have a heightened wonder at what you have been given afterwards.

If you too have lost a child, in utero or after birth, my heart goes out to you.

My heart has been made whole again despite my losses, grief and trials because its Maker has touched me and brought me back to life.

My prayer is that you will allow Him to do the same.

And may He rise up around you those who you can share your burden and grief with, who will direct you back to the Healer of all wounds, hurts & brokenness, as they love you alongside you in your loss.

Yet Andrew’s tiny feet have left an imprint on my heart which will never leave, nor do I want them to. I am a better mom, more compassionate friend, and can find joy in the mundane of the day to day because I know that I know He is with me, each step, every moment.

Losing Andrew and meeting God in the whirlwind of the emotion which followed taught me that.

beYOUtiful

Everybody should have a Hoho.

Not the snack cake variation, but the kind that comes in the mail.

What is a Hoho?
Their creator, Crystal from http://www.littlebitfunky.com says it best:
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And here is the picture of my Hoho, whom I have named Foxy…
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Isn’t she cute?

I have struggled off & on for years with how I look… mainly because I have listened to too many peoples’ versions of what they think beauty is.

I don’t think I have ever felt beautiful. I don’t think I am the homeliest of the bunch, but I am no supermodel.

I can tell you, partly due to the ministry & work of Crystal, that I have been able to accept my uniqueness, my You-ness (which is pronounced Eunice). I was looking at these hohos she makes, and felt the whisper that I too was unique and lovely in my own right. I don’t have to be perfect. And I am lovely in my uniqueness.

There is only ever going to be one Hoho of a kind. No two are exactly identical, as the variations in design & size are endless.

The same is true with us.

God made each of us as unique creations. On purpose. By design.
And says “It is good.”

I bought my funky hoho to daily remind me that I am beYOUtiful.

I am the most beautiful when I am being myself.
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Coco Chanel, famous fashionista, stated

Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.

God is pleased when we accept ourselves as His unique craftsmanship. Wanted, planned, designed.

The pleasure Crystal must have when she hears how God is blessing the children (& a few adults, I am sure!) with the comfort & reminder of their cute cuddly hohos.

Accepting we are beautiful by being ourselves is a priceless concept sewn alongside every stitch of these hohos.

If you need a reminder of how God sees you, the Bible has many verses on how much God loves & cares for us, and considers us treasures.

A very visual person, my Foxy Hoho will be reminding me of many such verses daily.

Thank you, Crystal for your hoho ministry, & exceptional craftsmanship!

PS. I will be HOlding onto the truth of who I am in Christ, and asking Him to HOld onto me.

Hoho, get it?! ­čÖé

belong

One of the downsides to working part time is missing out on the same camaraderie those who work full time share.

The same can be said about our walk with God.

God isn’t interested in part time relationship.

He is ours full time, 24/7, 365.

And beyond.

We think of time in forward increments, God sees all time at any time.

He is, after all, eternal.

When I keep too busy with life, I tend to waver on knowing where I belong.

God is always there to remind me I belong to Him.

He belongs to me.

Nor because of anything I have done, will or can do…
but because I am the only me He made.

That alone makes me, and you, precious to our Creator.

But He didn’t end there.

When we kept wandering, as the distracted tend to do, away from Him, and failed to focus on the words He kept speaking to us through His Word & prophets…
He sent the Word.

To live among us.
To walk beside us.
To listen to our hurts.
To heal our brokenness.
To love away our loneliness.
To touch us- heart, mind, soul & body.
To set us free through the death we deserved.

To know, without doubt, we belong.

We are His.

He bought us at great price, and will never stop calling out to us to come: be known by Him, and know Him.

When we spend a great deal of time with others, we develop a sense of belonging: that we fit, we are good together, which only makes us want to spend even more time together.

We become tightknit, close than we sometimes could ever dream possible.

We know that we know we belong.

If you struggle with knowing where you belong, look no further than His Word, His heart poured out in a love letter like no other.

God reminds us each and every day that we have a place where we belong.

With Him.

God reminds us each moment that we are treasures.

To Him.

God draws us close in His embrace, so we can rest.

In Him.

The belonging you long for?
It is a precious gift,
offered,
given,
by Him.

May you draw closer to His Presence than you can imagine, as He reminds you how much you belong to Him, always.

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