survivor, meet the Overcomer

Survivors are terrified of a reality they already innately know to be true: even if people did know, they wouldn’t do anything to help.

Kaeyley Trillis Haver, childhood rapper survivor

When we are under siege at a very young age, we can pick up partial truths and run with them:

It’s my fault my parents divorced.

I must have done something to deserve this.

I am unlovable.

No one will help me.

As my childhood molester told me, “No one will believe you, so you might as well keep it a secret anyways.”

So I did, until I came to know God.

Shortly after, in a counseling session which ended in being Sozo in style before I even knew what that was, God showed me where He had been in that scenario, then told me to tell my mother.

And I did, and she believed me.

Because molesters and rapists like to get you alone, we all believe that there is nothing any one would have done had they known what was going on, as the above quote from a survivor states.

I don’t fully accept that statement.

In the moment we may feel that is true. However, I believe there would be more of these incidents happening if Holy Spirit led people were not listening to His prompts to leave a situation, stay in pairs, step up and speak up, or not go when we sense we should stay home.

I also believe His angels protect and cover us from way more than we realize.

Although I didn’t know God at the time I was molested, the fact that He later showed me He had been there crying over me, and had prompted my brother to enter the room when he did proves to me God cares for me. And He moved to stop it from progressing further.

Soon after I became one of the Beloved, I was waiting for the subway train late one night on my way home from working an evening shift. I was listening to my Walkman, and wearing a backpack.

Just as the doors opened and I stepped on to the subway car, someone not on the train tried to pull me back onto the now empty platform by grabbing my backpack.

Within a split second of my face registering fear, a man within arms length inside the train grabbed me by the shoulders and yanked me forward so the doors could close.

He saved a perfect stranger from who knows what, and he didn’t have to but he stepped up and rescued me anyway.

Some times the truth is found somewhere between the lies we believe based on our experience and the vastly bigger reality God sees and moves in.

God in all His wisdom knows what we have come out of and what is coming ahead for us.

He doesn’t leave us how He found us to just survive our past any longer. God takes us gently by the hand, helps us to face our pain stored there, shows us the truth in a loving way, and guides us on into the wide open future ahead He has for us.

We are not left as just survivors in His Kingdom. God not only rebuilds and restores us, He bestows us with the ability to overcome through His Presence, power and strength.

When we are able to leave our pasts in the past as just part of the story which helps shape us but doesn’t dictate our storyline, we will no longer see ourselves as survivors.


We will know and be able to walk out the truth: we are overcomers in and through Him.

And we will know that for every person who won’t get involved to help when there is a need, there is One who always will.

He can’t help Himself, His very nature of love cannot help coming to our rescue. Every time we cry of to Him, and even those times He sees our need before we do.

May we leave our outdated pasts and mindsets fully in the past, and move with confidence into the freedom God has for us as He walks beside us into the wonders up ahead, Beloved!


PS. If you are in need of healing from something in your past, I have found God led counseling sessions very effective to help me step into the freedom I have in Him. Sozo is one such tool I have both experienced and learned about. If you would like to learn more, please visit

While Shepherds Watched…

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around
And glory shone around

God decided to let the lowly know before the mighty that Good News was just around the corner in the Christmas story.

Notice the angel didn’t show up again in the Holy of Holies as He did with Zechariah, father of John, but the King of Kings was announced to a humble group of shepherds with all the fanfare of celebration you would come to expect from a statesman with might and power!

Fear not,” he said,
For mighty dread
Had seized their troubled minds
“Glad tidings of great joy I bring
To you and all mankind,
To you and all mankind.”

And like most of us, when we see something of beauteous wonder, we tremble with fear.

Those shepherds were no different than us in their immediate reaction, but the carol reminds us to focus on the message, so we don’t miss the Good News!

“To you in David’s
Town this day
Is born of David’s line
The Savior who is Christ the Lord
And this shall be the sign
And this shall be the sign.”

“The heavenly Babe
You there shall find
To human view displayed
And meanly wrapped
In swathing bands
And in a manger laid
And in a manger laid.”

Here is the best part of this carol in my opinion….

The shepherds were not only told the prophecy of Messiah was coming true, but where to find Him!

And He was in their midst, within arms reach! 

Thus spake the seraph,
And forthwith
Appeared a shining throng
Of angels praising God, who thus
Addressed their joyful song
Addressed their joyful song

“All glory be to
God on high
And to the earth be peace;
Goodwill henceforth
From heaven to men
Begin and never cease
Begin and never cease!”

Not only have these shepherds just heard the Good News live from an angel, with directions of how to meet their Messiah, they are then treated to a wonder no one else recorded in the Word has ever enjoyed – a heavenly chorus of angels singing Gloria!

For not even the angels can keep from offering God His due for the arrival of Jesus. Emmanuel, God with us. The Messiah promised through the ages, present with His people.

May we too continue to proclaim the Good News this Christmas to a world full of people who need to see the Light in all His wonder!


Historical Background:

This carol was written in 1703 by Nahum Tate (poet in residence to Queen Anne) and Nicholas Brady. This was one of the first paraphrased pieces from Scripture outside of the psalms to be sung in the Church of England.

in His grip


I begin truly living when God is the one writing my story.

Sounds like the opposite of what logically makes sense, but its so true.

When God writes our story, His love comes shining through.

Our part is to make sure we are in His hands, He does all the rest.

Again, sounds too easy, but that is where the battle truly is…
in letting go of our deep rooted desire to control & allow God to take the reins.

For who better to write our story than the One who not only created us, but reigns forever over all?!

The fact that He came to us & rescued us from ourselves is awesome enough, but the fact He wants to partner with us through every moment of our lives?


When we sit in the driver’s seat, we tend to only see two ways….what is behind, and what is directly ahead.  We don’t tend to be as aware of the passengers on the journey with us unless they make a lot of noise, or are our Beloved.

When God sits in the driver’s seat, He sees everything all at once:
where to avoid the pitfalls & obstacles ahead, what He has gotten us through, who we are to have alongside us for the next step of our travels, and speaks to us to love & guide us as we use our gifts & love for His glory. All at the same time.

Only One beyond time can see it all.

Only the One who orchestrated it all deserves to be the conductor in our lives.

Only the One who scripted our love story from its inception deserves to write the love letter He is making in each of His Beloved’s lives.

Mother Theresa understood it wasn’t about the gifts we offer back to Him. It’s all about the God who has us lovingly in His grip, revealing His love to the world through our willing obedience & submission to His ways before all.

Somehow in His grip, we become way more than we could ever hope or imagine, because the One is who is so magnificent is moving within us beyond our comprehension in the moment.

His story, written on willing lives in the ink of true Love, will never fade…and miraculously becomes our story too as He writes it.

May we lay down our desire to be in control, and allow the One who makes all things new to write His love in our hearts so deeply the overflow draws those around us to meet the Author of their story!

His writeful place

I had a dream I had kept hidden for several decades. And a few months ago at a special prophetic night, someone publicly read the mail in my heart and spoke it over me.

I am to write a book….at least one.

I have had a few ideas of late, but the timing for my first project isn’t right yet. I hope to coauthor the second, a bible study, over this summer. 🙂 I now contribute devotionals weekly to a Christian women’s community on Fridays. 🙂 I join blog linkups and learn from other writers. 🙂 My first piece 🙂 will be published in a well known US Christian woman’s magazine this summer, so I know that His Word is being birthed in me. I am in preparation mode for the dream to come to be.

I have been patiently waiting for direction on how to move forward in pursuit of this dream, and for now, I am to keep writing every day, and do what I am already doing. I am a writer, and my main Reader is cheering me on to continue.

Yesterday, I got a deeper revelation, which knocked my concept of writing on its head.

God whispered into my soul, my spirit, “Even if you were never to write another word, I am still writing your story. You are my living Book to show the world who I am, and what Love can do.”

Oh my, God.

I am a living Book, being constantly written in the hands of the Author of us all.

The Author whose Word has touched countless generations in this world, as His stories were told out loud, and then recorded for all to be able to know, and see. He desires all people to know His Words.

My story is His story, history being lived right here and now.

My life is His book coming to life.

I am His living book.

And He is using me to spread that life through my writing.

I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world. -Mother Theresa

I dig deeper, to know more of who He is, how He wants me to live, life to the fullest as He leads, and listen to what He wants me to say, sing, write. I soak in His Words, and pray He allows them to take root & grow fruit as He waters & brings them to life.

He corrects my typos, and rewrites chapters and scenes I once believed set in stone, with a living hand writing in blood, as His tears of joy stream down His loving face.

My life is truly becoming a live one as He rewrites & writes my story.

If you too have a background you are ashamed, not proud of, broken by or horrified at revisiting even in thought, He wants to erase the pain of your back story. He longs to reveal His strength & love to you, so you can store that memory safely in His safekeeping, and leave it there.

Your history before God? A prequel to the real story now taking place, with the intended Author now taking His rightful, writeful place!


PS. I just love this song about not holding back, and giving Him our all, but also way the script seeka to be being written by His hand. 🙂

May it reveal to you how much He longs to write your story with you.

(Lord I’m Ready Now- Plumb)

only part of the story

Oh as you run,
what hindered love
will only
become part of the story.

Steffany Gretzinger, Come out of Hiding

A few weeks ago, I took part in a night of prophetic teaching, and one of the words spoken was the lyrics to this song.

It snuck past my defences, and opened my heart to receive the words God wanted me to hear. My tears, oh how they flowed!

I have lived my life with too much fear & regret, feeling like there are too many chapters I wish I could rip out of my story.

But looking at my life from my perspective is not what I am meant to do.

I am meant to lean into God, and press in for the promises and purpose He has for me.

Not to take a long look back at what was, but to keep my eyes fixed on Him & what He has ahead for me.  I am not a waste, or the sum of my mistakes.

Part of sharing my story is how God is shattering my vision, removing my faulty lie lined glasses, and let me see His vision instead.

God doesn’t use an eraser, or liquid paper, or start our story over.

He takes away the hurt, the pain, and restored the broken places of the past chapters, and helps us write each day moving forward with his help & strength.

He doesn’t remember the past.

At all.

Its a new day, every day with Him.

And because of that amazing mind-blowing aspect of His character…..

My story isn’t finished yet, and neither is yours!

We can have hope, because what the enemy intended to use against us becomes only part of our story in God’s hands & plans.

With His grace, we can live our story unhindered!

Its time to step into the light of His grace,

gaze on His face,

and move into the place

He has waiting for us!





entrusting a teen with the King

I was very struck by God’s choice of Mary.

Not because I don’t think she was a good choice, but because she wasn’t the obvious choice.

Most of us, if we are honest, would have chosen a gal more like Elizabeth: wise in experience, settled, already married.

Not a teenager still living at home.

But we look at this part of the Christmas story from our own time in history. Our culture, our values, our biases.

God looks at it as an important part of His Story. His values, first and foremost.

Mary had a deep faith, and likely deep dependence upon God based on her life experience and background. The Word doesn’t mention her upbringing, so it was likely a normal one.
Our hope for our daughters is for them to be lovingly well suited in marriage, with a good job, and a nice place to live.

I am sure Mary’s parents wanted the same for her that my husband and I do for our’s:

His best.

God chose Mary, whom He considered His best, as the mother of His greatest gift to us.

Mary must have been quaking in her sandals at the thought of the enormity of responsibility being placed on her shoulders.

The Messiah was going to grow in her womb, despite her innocence.
The one who will save His people.
The one they have been waiting for for generations.

There must have been quite the inner revelation going on in Mary shortly after, likely the following key questions:

1) What will my parents think?

2) What will Joseph, my fiancee, think?

3) What will my community think?

4) What’s going to happen?

In those days, (mostly our days too) a pregnancy is an obvious sign of bedroom activity.  Which in God’s design is supposed to be reserved for the marriage bed only.

Any one of Mary’s family, her fiancee or her neighbors all would have had the right to publicly accuse her as her pregnancy became evident, and the price if convicted? Stoning.

Right off the bat, this baby literally just conceived is in danger.

And so is His mother.

Yet there is no evidence of Mary worrying written in the Christmas story.

She must have had some awesome rock solid God is going to do it if He says He will and I am safe in His hands no matter what kind of faith. He has said (through Gabriel) He was with her. How she must have clung to that truth.

In those days and times, when the Romans were invading the land, and the Jews were getting restless under their tight reins, God knew the timing was right for His son to be born.

For such a time as this.

God chose Mary, as she was the right choice.

His choice.

Since He is God, after all, Mary was the perfect choice.

God has a habit of choosing what the world would see as foolish to reveal more of His glory as a result.

Of course He would do so in the greatest gift giving He was preparing to unveil!



trusting a teen- Luke

I am the mother of two teens.
The first will become a full fledge adult this January as she hits her double decade milestone, the youngest will turn 18 in February.

I have learned, as well as every other parent, to begin to trust my teens as they matured with age appropriate skills & jobs. 

It is hard, isn’t it, to let go and let them step up to the plate in the beginning, because you don’t want them to fail, nor have to redo the job because it wasn’t done right the first time.

The first time one of my teens drove our car. Their first sleepover. Their first resumes. How they spend their first pay cheques, allowance. Their clothing choices.  Cramming last minute before a major paper or exam.

It is hard to step back and watch them, when you are unsure of whether they will fail, and if they do, what failing will do to their confidence. 

I found that my trust in them helped keep their perspective in check with they failed.  They knew there was love, grace and a helping hand if needed.

As we peer into this week’s part of the Advent adventure, we meet one of the most important people of this amazing story: Mary.

Mary was a teenaged girl, likely 12-16 years of age, engaged to be married (we will leave her groom until next week!)  In Luke 1:26-38, we get a closer look…

Besides being engaged, Mary is an inwardly beautiful Jewish girl  (according to vs. 28, referring to her radiating God’s beauty), and also noted twice in vs 26-27, is a virgin. She lives in Nazareth.

Six months into her cousin Elizabeth’s pregnancy (with John), Mary is visited by the angel Gabriel, who greets her with:

Good morning! You’re beautiful with God’s beauty, beautiful inside and out! God be with you.

Hullo! What a morning greeting that was, let alone delivered by a messenger of God’s! No wonder Mary was “thoroughly shaken”, and “wondering what was behind a greeting like that.”

Gabriel then tells her not to fear, God’s got a surprise for you.

(Now Mary may have heard, being related to Elizabeth, some gossip around the market about Elizabeth being MIA for the past several months. She for sure would have heard about Zachariah seeing an angel in the Holy of Holies, and being struck dumb.  I think Mary likely felt on edge seeing an angel, let alone having one greet her and tell her God has a surprise for her. She may even have been doubting she was really seeing an angel…I would love to ask Mary about this when we meet in heaven.)

The surprise?

You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and his name Jesus.

I think the thought may have quickly crossed Mary’s mind that sure she would have a son after getting married…and then the full meaning of the rest of Gabriel’s words would have sunk in..

He will be great, be called ‘Son of the Highest.’ The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David; He will rule Jacob’s house forever- no end, ever, to his kingdom.

“Okay, God. Gabriel is telling me I am going to give birth to Your son? But how? I’ve never slept with a man. I believe You can do it, I am just curious as to how?”

Notice somehow Mary’s response is not a doubting one like Zachariah’s was, because Gabriel answers the question:

The Holy Spirit will cover you & come upon you. This child is going to be literally the son of God, Holy.

But Gabriel keeps on speaking a little bit longer:

“And just in case you need a bit of proof, Mary? Cousin Elizabeth? She’s 6 months pregnant, despite being old and barren. Nothing is impossible with God.”

And with Gabriel’s reply to her question, Mary responds with an incredible amount of trust in the God who has sent this angel to her:

“Yes, i see it all now: I am the Lord’s maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.”

This teenaged girl reveals a depth of trust on God that her cousin Elizabeth’s priest husband Zachariah seemed to miss.

She was able to see the big picture: this is about God.

She was able to see the immediate picture: this is going to happen.

She was going to see the obvious picture: this is happening to me!!

Her ability to trust in His plan is reflective of the trust God must have had in Mary.

Coz you don’t turn over the baby son of God to someone you don’t trust.

God trusts her enough to choose her.

Mary trust His choice enough to agree to her requested part.

I dunno about you, but Mary is not only being shown favor by God choosing her, but in His sending an angel to deliver the news in person.

Extra favor.

God trusting this young woman
who in return trusts Him, as she accepts the role of mother to the coming King.

What a woman she must have been!

The fact that God trusts her reflects however well He knows us, inside and out.

Despite her youth, God chooses Mary.

Her heart chooses Him, and His plan, in response.

Mary may be a teenager, but she shows a strength of character few display. She accepts this gift, the privilege  of giving birth to her people’s Messiah.

She doesn’t question what the path ahead looks like.

She trusts in response.

Not your typical teenaged pregnant before marriage story, is it!

God takes risks based on what He sees in us, not just was we can see on the outside.

As a parent it can take a leap of a faith to help us believe our kids are worth our efforts.

When God chose His baby’s momma, He chose well -inside and out.

May we all have the grace of Mary to say yes when God offers to surprise us with His plans!



Adventures in Advent

With the arrival of Advent comes the retelling of the Christmas story.

I have heard it many times…
in song, through drama, or by a reader at church. I have read the story to myself, and to my children.

This year, I am doing something different.

I have never read the whole story in the Message version before.
The NIV, ESV, NASB, KJV versions? Yes. So this Christmas, I am going to revisit a familiar historical based story- how Jesus came to us as a baby- as seen through the Message.

You see, I have always thought of the Word as the living Message, so I am quite excited to see what will unfold through changing my expectation of the familiar.

Keeping myself on my toes so to speak.

Not only will it be a less familiar translation, I am going to look through each of the Gospels one day a week for each of the topics I felt to cover this Advent.

Matthew- the tax collector
Mark- the writer
Luke- the doctor
John- the fisherman

Four men whose encounter with Jesus changed them each forever.

Pull up a cozy chair, your bible, and let’s let the Christmas Message speak to our hearts anew this Advent…

As I was in worship this past Sunday, the following headlines came to mind:

Preparing the Way.
Trusting a Teen.
Depending on a Doubter.
Making Space.
Following His lead.
Accepting the Gift.

I have decided to take look at how each writer recorded their viewpoint based on how they heard the Christmas Story.

Let’s reawaken the desire to share this part of His story, the Greatest Gift God has every given us.

For with the arrival of eternal God into our finite time line,  this event rippled across the universe & the heavens, forever changing the world it encountered.

Advent is the story reminding us of God’s primary Message from creation’s foundation to the end of revelation:
God is with us,
the Message of Christmas!


rewrite my story

How long can I stay
Lost without a way to rewrite
I wish I could rewrite this story
Change every word of every line
Write any story but mine
Someone tell me when
Can I start again
And rewrite this story?

‘Rewrite this Story’ chorus lyrics from Smash

There have been many days I too wish i could rewrite this story I am in.

Like most of us, I too have made terrible choices I would like to edit out of my story.
I have had things done to me that no one should have in their story, like too many others.

Faith does not allow me to totally rewrite and start my story over again from scratch, but  it comes pretty close…
When i accepted Jesus, i was made clean and new in His sight.
Without blemish or stain.

God has helped me put my past behind me, healing my wounds, and is building something I still can’t yet fully grasp out of my brokenness…but have hope for.

I can look back and talk about the very painful events and traumas I have been through, confident I am not a victim any longer.
I have value because of who I am in Christ, not because anything I bring to the table on my own.

There are still days i wish I could rewrite out, erase a few hours or two, change a few or all the lyrics and words so the chapter would have played out differently.

But life only works forward.  Time moves on, tick tock, every moment of our lives.
Following God reassures me that as I walk with Him, He will help me write the story I should be writing, word by word, page by page, chapter by chapter.

You see, He knows how my story ends.
Not just how I will be leaving earth, but the eternity waiting for me afterwards,
Ultimately, the story will have a new ending because of my decision to choose Christ.

He is now the author I hope is writing my story each day, as I try to step out of the way and into His purpose for me.

Each day, as I get up,  I have option of starting over.
Not a do over, but a fresh start.
God offers fresh mercy and grace every morning to those who look back on the pages of our yesterdays, and ask Him to erase the blotches and blunders we added to the story.

Because of His great love for us, He does.
No one is too far gone from God’s reach.

The only way to truly rewrite your story?
Let God be the author, and us the pages He will write His story on.