weary aches

Last night, after very busy week, i crashed. My core within me is telling me to rest.

So today, I am. And I am trying not to feel guilty about it as all the things I could be doing instead flash in my mind.

Just because I could doesn’t mean I should.

I because I can doesn’t mean I will.

So this week, I started saying no.

And yes.

No to what will cause me to feel more weary, yes to more rest.

And deep within, I know God is pleased I am doing so.

Lord, may we walk, run, jump, write, sing, love, do all we are mean to do at Your pace.
In Your timing.
For Your glory.
With Your grace.

I lay my weariness down, and arise in Your strength.

Because I can’t, You can.

Because I won’t, You will.

I am ever grateful that Your Kingdom doesn’t work the way we think it should, but the way You want it to!

Rest deep, my friends, in His purpose for each of you.

May His embrace give you all you will ever need for the race ahead.

For His Beloved, He gave His all.

For His children, He continues to do the same, in every need they have!

My weariness ebbs away as I hear You speak this truth to my soul. 🙂

I am Yours.


grace in judgment’s place

I didn’t get my writing down when I usually do today.

I normally rise & shine with the birdies, and write early before my day gets full, before distractions rear their heads off the pillows 🙂 or my work shift starts.

I started a new medication to help me cope with a new to me condition which has hit me quite hard over the past month, and has been affecting me more than I like to admit emotionally.

Reluctantly I began taking it, and it has hit me wonderfully in one way (pain free) and left me hangry every 2-3 hours or sleepy enough I could sleep at a moment’s notice.

Neither of which makes for a fun wife, mom, friend or co-worker.

So I took it after dinner last night thinking that if I knocked the sleep portion off right away, I could wake up hungry & eat, and start the day wide eyed & bushy tailed as usual.


I woke up an hour late feeling like i had a hangover, needed another four-five hours sleep, and did I mention an hour later than usual?

So my whole routine has been off.all.day.

And that’s okay, because everything I have needed to get done gone done, just not when k thought it should.

Then I realized, I needed to give myself grace instead of judging myself too harshly.

Its okay to admit my day is not what ithought it would be.

Because in some ways I depended more on God than I usually do, and had some conversations I might have otherwise missed because of my early morning delay.

God wasn’t surprised or mad at me, so why should I be?

In the place of self judgment,  I am offering myself the gift of grace today.

May He continue to remind me that all of us need grace in whatever place we find ourselves throughout our days.


PS. Thanks for being cool about me being late posting today 🙂

moments like this

We have a desire to live our lives until the next big moment.

To win the lottery, or award, whatever the big moment may look like to you.

But waiting for your next big moment leaves you missing the hundreds of special moments in between….

Like your child saying I love you for the first time.

The meal dropped off when you were sick.

Your spouse coming home even though you had a huge fight last time you spoke.

The timely hug & words of comfort in your loss.

All of these are moments we were meant to enjoy to their fullest & live them, each and every moment.

God has blessed us way more than we remember to notice some days.

In the daily in and out moments which make up our lives,  He is with us through them all.

These past few days, I have been intentionally trying to be present in each moment…and I have learned that although I can multitask with the best of them, I need to do less.

It is in doing less, i can be fully present…because I am listening to His leading and seeing His hand move around me.

In moments like these, I stand in awe of just how blessed He has made me, and my heart overflows with thanksgiving, worship & praise for the One who walks with me in each & every moment.

So in all moments, big & seemingly small, may I remember each moment I have is a blessing, for You are found in them all.


tick off the to-do list

There is almost nothing more satisfying to an organizer than. being able to check an item off their to-do list.

Organizers naturally love to make lists, and I am sure this characteristic has its perfect mirror in God. 

Because He didn’t just make the planet, He planned it.

I have a tendency to plan and tenaciously just stick to it.  Which we all need to do to a certain extent in the face of adversity, but can become a problem when God is calling you to hand it over.

That’s right. Just coz we planned it doesn’t mean it was always His plan for us.

You see, God knows life is about to happen.  That project deadline gets moved up, your child gets sick, your pay cheque is a little lighter than usual, the car has a flat.

And if we insist on same old, same old we can miss the blessings God has for us when we are willing to hand our plans over so He can unfurl His.

I have been experimenting with handing my day over to God this past two weeks.  I had to take a stand I wasn’t comfortable with, and release my fear & desire to be in control into His more than capable hands.

You know what? I am way less stressed and more content once God got me out of my way.

When I go where He leads, I join the current’s flow of what He is doing.

I have been building spiritual whitespace (grateful thanks to Bonnie Gray for penning that phrase) into my life, and writing in pencil (figuratively) as I wait for God to reveal His plan for my day.

Because He knows the plans He has for me in full, I can trust Him in the now to lead me along the proper path to arrive where He intends me to be in the future.

My to-do list may be filled with serving, but my time is best served when He writes my day in His hand.

So I use my time blessing those He wants me to bless, in His timing, for His plans, for His glory.

Join me as together we let go of the lie that we are in full control over our day. Thank Him for this new day He has gifts us with.  Ask Him to write the day He has planned for us in our hearts.  Follow where He leads.

The to-do list we are to be most interested in is His, always. 

Time after time, into eternity.

Tick tock goes the clock.

My life in Your hands,
my gifts & times Yours.

So tick off your earthly to do list as you must, while you press in moment by moment & allow Him to interrupt you with the to-do list of Heaven.


hand in pocket

I have done many things I am not proud of over the years, but one of the most awkward in the moment came to mind again recently…

Hubby & I were on a date at Harvey’s. We moved to stand at the viewing/make it be made area after ordering, and I was chatting away to hubby, excited we were out together. Normally not the most demonstrative with PDA, I slipped my hand into his back pocket, as His main love language is touch, and I wanted him to know I loved him in that moment.

Imagine my shock when I hear hubby’s voice coming over my shoulder instead of beside me say, “Honey, what are you doing?!”

While I had been chatting, unknown to me, hubby had moved to grab the paper to read the sports section.

Take a second, and let that reality sink in, just as it did to me in that moment.

My hand was in someone else’s back pocket…. not my hubby’s.

Immediately removing my hand, i reluctantly looked glowing red with embarrassment towards the gentleman beside me and stammered “I am so sorry…”

He sounded bemused (as best I could tell not making eye contact) and replied, “That’s okay, I haven’t had that much action in a long while.”

Oh my, indeed.

Hubby occasionally teases me about this incident, now that I can look back and laugh at my mistake.

But that mistake has lingered and rankled, because I didn’t forgive myself for the error for a very long time.

An exceptionally faithful person, I can’t believe I did that, winner of the “i’d like to hand it to you” award for most embarrassing moment.

How could I be so wrapped up in that moment and miss that my hubby had moved off?

With two young children at the time, I was so excited to be out I was yammering away with delight, while hubby needed a moment of quiet to read the paper as we waited for our food.

I know now that we are both hardwired very differently.

I chose company, he chose solitude.

Sometimes it takes a communication breakdown before we realize how much we take one another for granted.

That is certainly true of our relationship with God.

So whose pocket is your hand in today? Your Bridegroom’s, or the deceiver’s?

Have you been talking for so long you don’t notice God is waiting for you to stop to get your attention?

Are you standing too close to the edge, just an arm’s length away?

Has the deceiver drawn close because you are too caught up in your own thoughts?

It doesn’t take much to distract us from what we want to do, does it?
I believe Paul can relate, when he wrote how he did the very things he didn’t want to do. I wonder what pockets Paul found his hand in unexpectedly…

May we be increasingly alert to His voice, His presence.

May we continually be on guard to the deception of the enemy, who is sometimes just a step away waiting for us to give him opportunity.

May our hands let go of what we did in error in the past, and remain open for God to fill & hold.

May we never settle for less than His best for us in every moment.

true North

Catherine Morland in Northanger Abbey is one of my least favorite characters of the 6 novels written by Jane Austen.

Not because she has been poorly written, but because of the mirror it reflects of my own past.

I find her character uncomfortable, as it reminds me of who I used to be in a way I cannot easily turn away from.

She unsettles me, as my past does at times when I spend too much time reminiscing over it.

Catherine ends up meeting a “nice” man, Henry when she is newly arrived in Bath.

I met my Henry on site when he joined the staff of the summer camp I worked for.

There was immediate attraction, and a sense of connection I was too immature to fully comprehend, until one day he abruptly left, and I didn’t have a clear understanding as to why. Because I too had done something I should feel guilty for, by making my interest clearly known prior to knowing much about the man I was interested in.
I did know he had a faith, I just wasn’t sure where I was headed at the time to know how that might have impacted his decision.

When we reconnected through a mutual work acquaintance 4 years later, we still felt the same draw to one another. My Henry asked me out for dinner a few days later and over Chinese food, he shared how he had been struggling over the fact I was not a believer, something I shared at the time with his previous girl friend, and so he left to avoid further complicating his life when another job opportunity arose.

It wasn’t because I had done anything wrong.

Until a few weeks before we remet, I hadn’t been headed for true North yet.

And he did the right thing by walking away.

Unlike the Northanger Abbey story, where Henry walked away from his father over his unjust treatment of his love interest, my Henry walked away from me because he was following His Father’s leading….and heard ‘not yet.’

I am pleased to say we have been together ever since that dinner, almost 24 years ago next month.

And our True North has guided us through all the highs, lows, sickness, health, parenting, loss, grief and joys we have faced since.

The best thing that could have happened for me was that separation, although it felt like the opposite at the time.

Times of reflection can lead us to discover who we really are, in all our flaws, warts & weaknesses, if we have a reference point to fix our sight upon.

I cannot stress enough the value in both of us having Jesus being our true North.

Without Him, our considerable differences would have led us to part years ago.

With His guidance, speaking time in His Presence & Word, He helps us navigate, as the compass in our lives.

No matter where we go. Jesus will always guide us to our true Home.
With Him.


snapshots along the way: inbetween

In between the tomb and the reveal was time.

Time spent in flustered confusion.
Waterworks of weeping.
Loud lamenting.
Deep sorrow.

Not only over the One nailed to the tree, but also for their betraying brother who ended his life distraught over his part in harming the One they all loved.

They lost Judas too.

They didn’t yet get that Jesus wasn’t lost forever.

The big question everyone was either speaking about loud or in the forefront of their minds:

If Jesus was who He said He was, why did it have to go down that way?

Why the anguish, the suffering of Jesus? 

Why did the people turn on Him, after all He did for them?

Why did Jesus speak about remembering Him, and the temple being restored after 3 days?

Why is all this happening, God?

Why didn’t I pay closer attention to Him while He was still with us?

Not that much has changed in 2000 years, has it?

If you are being honest too, we all hate to wait. Being stuck in that inbetween, that ‘limbo’ holding space between actions. Waiting for what we cannot always know is coming. Waiting with wavering faith, shed tears, shattered dreams.

Jesus can relate.

I believe He took that time, not necessarily because He had to but to show us He understands the tension in between, coz He’s been there.

His whole life on earth was just such a tension. Fully man & Fully God, waiting for His big reveal.

We have a Savior who has lived through all that humanity has to offer us here on earth. 

He can relate.

Coz He has been there.

Instead of reminding us of what is about to come, we need to wait.

Remember the tension between reality and what we hope for yet to come.

And wait….


how the weight of His glory can fall like snow

How much does a snowflake weigh?

Someone who measures such things determined that an individual snowflake weighs 0.02* grams. At that weight it would take 50 flakes to make a gram. For comparison, a Hershey’s kiss weighs 4.7 grams – equal to about 235 snowflakes. There are about 95 kisses in a pound. Using the kiss-to-snow crystal calculator that comes to 22,325 snowflakes/pound.
*this would be the heaviest end of the spectrum. Most are much lighter, weighing from 0.001 to 0.003 grams.

In reality, it’s hard to measure the weight of a snowflake. For one thing, each snowfall is different. Some snow is light and fluffy, and some is heavy and wet. That’s due to the water content in the snow, which is related to the temperature high in the clouds where the flakes began forming, and the temperature of the air they fall through.

Quote from: http://archimedesnotebook.blogspot.ca/2011/01/how-much-does-snowflake-weigh.html?m=1

An individual snowflake doesn’t weigh much in the big scheme of things.  Yet God designed each one uniquely, placing great care in its creation.

And despite its miniscule weight, it still manages to fall to earth, again as part of God’s plan.

Why am I bringing up snowflakes during winter?

Because of last night.

Last night, while worshipping, I “saw” how snow & the weight of His glory relate in how they both fall.

Each snowflake is designed for a purpose, and only fulfills that purpose when it falls with the rest of the snowflakes in the same snowfall or storm.

On its own, it isn’t particularly heavy, but when you add up the weight it forms when it piles up, it can be quite significant.

Each snowflake’s composition is perfect for the design of its fall, the exact amount of water contained within to be the perfect part of the team alongside the other snowflakes….all unique yet made to fall together.

There are two ways snow is a great example of the weight of His glory.

We are all like those snowflakes. And He will perfectly fill us with the right amount of water (living water, His Presence) so we are filled for the purpose we are to live out that day….so we can share it with those around us.

His glory? Its weight falls like the snowflake. Perfectly attuned and made for its recipient.  And when a group gathers seeking His Presence, the weight of His glory gets heavier, as He falls on everyone in the room.  Some can sense it landing heavily, others sense a light touch.  He uniquely meets each of us with the exact right weight, more than enough for us in that exact moment, but never exactly like someone else’s.

Just like each snowflake, God’s Presence falls on each of us how He knows it will best soak in & water us.

When the weight of His glory falls heavily, as a heavy snowstorm can cause traffic to come to a standstill, so does time seem to come to a standstill.  The air gets thick, charged with power and spiritual electricity as He enters the room in His majesty.

The weight of His glory
falls snowflake by snowflake
until the full weight
of His tangible Presence
soaking in,
as Heaven
meets earth
in a fantastic

Unlike how we have no control over the snowfall, we can ask God to come to us.

His word promises He will come when we seek Him:

Timing is the Father’s business. What you’ll get is the Holy Spirit.

 -Jesus, Acts 1:8

He will come when we seek Him. Exactly how & the when is up to Him.  Who He falls on with the weight of His glory? That depends on us:

Read the Word.  The God you find described there is real, and wants a real relationship with you.

Take some time to seek Him every day.  Even a five minute break can be used by Him to refresh you.  An extended period of time where you just seek and wait for Him? Even better. Even in the midst of being about His business on a short timetable, Jesus still made the time to spend with His Father:

As often as possible Jesus withdrew to out-of-the-way places for prayer.

Luke 5:16 MSG

Worship Him for who He is.  He loves to be praised, and promises to live where He is honored & lifted high:

Yet you are holy,enthroned on the praises of Israel, Your people.

Psalm 22:3 ESV

Thank Him for what He has done. For making you His. For caring for you. For the blessings He has already poured out on you and the ones He promises are to come:

I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Jeremiah 29:11 MSG

Believe He will come:

Because you’re not yet taking God seriously,” said Jesus. “The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of faith, a mustard or  poppy seed, say, you would tell this mountain, ‘Move!’ and it would move. There is nothing you wouldn’t be able to tackle.

Matthew 17:20 MSG

Just like the snow, which continues to fall, so will the weight of His glory when we keep seeking Him.

It may feel like a snowflake landing on your nose. It may be  like a tingle or charge of static electricity. It may feel like a heaviness on your shoulders. It may feel like a heat wave, a fresh burst of wind, bubbling up joy or a peace unlike any you have ever known.

He will come. Just as sure as winter will always come again!

(PS. Here is a great song to hear to help set the atmosphere to seek Him: Weight of Glory)


Image from: http://www.kidzworld.com

hiding place- when is the right time to retreat?


You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble & surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7 NIV

God’s my island hideaway, keeps danger far from the shore, throws garlands of hosannas around my neck. Psalm 32:7 MSG

I have learned the hard way that every time is the best time to retreat & seek His Presence.

When I was a newer believer, I felt I had to physically go somewhere to be able to find that quiet place to connect, and plug into God.

Graham Cooke changed all that for me.

When we were attending the Vineyard, Graham came as a guest teacher at a prophetic conference I attended.

God spoke a word through him that is with me still.

Jesus so obviously demonstrated it when He was here on earth, I don’t know how I had missed it.

Holy Spirit confirmed it for me then, and continues to whisper & remind me of its truth daily.

The place where we can meet God, retreat?
The secret place of the Most High?
The quiet place where we can connect with Him at anytime?

Within us.

How did i miss that we are LITERALLY His temple, not just figuratively.

God literally moves in and dwells, inhabits, lives within us!


Any time is the right time to seek Him.

When I quiet myself, I can plug into Him inside. I can sense His Presence, hear His voice, feel His heart beat & the rhythm of His breathing.

He guide me, calms me, loves me, heals me, is with me.

He is my hiding place.
With me wherever I go.

I cannot fully explain just how awesome that revelation not only made me feel, but how it radically gear shifted my brain.

Jesus walked this out for us, but some of us missed that it was possible because of His being God.

But fully God fully man was to show is the blend of the possible, no longer the impossible.

We can be one with God.
We are made one with Him when we accept Him
He is with us, always.

When you start to calm yourself. press into His Word & worship Him, He awakens this presence afresh within, and heightens our awareness of Him.

Anywhere you or I go, He goes.

When the bully hits you with their words.
When the project falls apart.
When a loved one breaks your heart.
When you can breathe under the weight of loss and grief.

The secret place?
Your hiding place?
Your quiet retreat?

He is there with you.

Right now, take a deep breath.
Close your eyes.
Begin to pray.
Claim the verses above.
Tell God of your love.
Ask Him to awaken your senses
to His indwelling Presence.

It doesn’t matter where you are,
it matters Who you are with.

time after time

Today, I am both humbled and grateful to have been invited to guest blog for Remade Ministries. Beth Kinder and I met on Twitter this fall,  both passionate about God & seeing women be set free into the fullness He has for them.

Guest blogging for the first time was a wee bit nerve wracking, but a great experience for me to press in to God for the message He wanted me to share.


As a result, please click the link below to visit the lovely Remade Ministries website to read today’s blog post about mistakes, and His grace:

Time After Time- Guest Blog

I hope to have Beth guest blog here one day soon, for I am sure you will love her as I do!  You can start to follow her on Twitter at:
@remademnistries and/or sign up on her website for encouraging emails, bible study and to follow her blog.

It never ceases to amaze me how God can take what we have to offer, and do so much more with it when we follow His prompting!