stop peeking

I knew from a young age where my parents hid the Christmas presents.

And yes, I was one of those kids who would take out the wrapped present, rattle it around, and daydream what might be inside.

When life doesn’t go as I expect it to, and I am unsure what I will unwrap up ahead, I have a tendency to keep peeking.

I bring my worries, concerns, hopes and dreams, just like you do to God on a regular basis. Sometimes verbally, mostly written and spoken in my mind.

I don’t worry about how I pray, I keep having to remind myself to do so, as I tend to be a do-er versus a wait-er.

Once I have prayed, I should be resting under His wings, safe and secure knowing He is in control, I never really was, and He has good things in store for me as I keep close by Him.

But I keep peeking out, wanting to pick the concern back up again and grip it tightly.

And like when I was a child, my imagination runs wild as I try to figure out what I will be unwrapping.

Which only leads to disappointment.

Not with God, but myself.

I am tired of grabbing ahold over and over of the things I battled to leave in His capable hands.

The tighter I hold onto it, the less likely God is to be able to fill my hands with what He wants to give me.

Wrestling with my restlessness is exhausting.

I have decided to stop peeking, and lean into Him as He covers me. Holding me close in the safety of His embrace.

If I am close enough to feel His heart for me, I will be able to trust in the plans He has for me.

Peeking has lost its appeal, as it only adds fuel to the negative thoughts that burn within me when I choose to focus on the situation instead of my Provider.

Will i likely do so again?

I would like to say never, however i know myself.

I will determine not to, ask God to help me fully let go, and work on resting in His Presence.

I choose the hope He had for me, instead of the drama around me.