when you feel like wavering

This week, I took a blow to the body when an unexpected patch of ice literally knocked me fault on my back.

I apparently took a blow to the head in that slip.

That first night while dreaming in vivid colour, the enemy tried to knock me out in my dreams.

I arose in His strength from all those blows.

The one I didn’t see coming arrived yesterday. Not quite enough in this week’s cheques to cover our usual expenses, and “now I have been off work 2 days and likely will be 4 so how is this gonna work Lord?”

That blow to my faith was a little unexpected, but it shouldn’t have been.

The enemy is not a fair fighter. He likes to kick us when we are down.

My God is more than a match for him.

If Jesus could die, and rise from the grave victorious after confronting the enemy, if He is is with me and I am sinking into His strength vs the depressing circumstances around me, I will rise.

My faith doesn’t need to waver, for the God I trust in never does.

He caused my coworkers to rally around me, and i have had the best care.

My family has taken extra good care of me (not that they usually don’t, but they’ve amped it to that extra special care you give someone who is unwell kind of pampering).

And God?

Despite not having the head space to dive into the Word as usual, or be online like I am used to, I have a core of peace I have not quite known before.

He is with me.

Causing my body to relax its tense muscles, my auto clock to be reset as I need more sleep than usual.

As I usually have worship music on at home, He has been reminding me of His rhythm in the silence, one I never noticed before.

Rest is restorative for the whole person.

And I am being rebuilt somehow through this accidental fall, more wholly as He has intended.

All things work together for His good.

God did not cause my fall, but He is causing it to become part of the tapestry of wholeness He is constantly weaving about and within me.

All things work together for those in Christ Jesus.

I can rest easy, knowing this season, right now, I am to fully rest in His hands.

Being able to let go of what I normally do, and allow Him to expand me beyond my normal into the beyond He has waiting for me as my trust deepens.

All things work together for those who love You.

Jesus, today I say it again, but I am all in. All of me, offered to all of You. Such as i am, with all my love, Jesus.

And You remind me, over and over, but again today, You are always more than enough!

Your mercy is new and fresh and mine.

Your love for me goes on and on and on and never fades.

And last but not the least for today…Your rest extends peaceful hands as You lead me by still waters.

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fall

It has been a few fall filled days, these past few daze of summer:

I fell and sprained my ankle

I realized I had had an arthritic attack (a few new joints have now swollen)

time fell quickly as I waited to replace my dead phone

I can’t quite fall into my new work routine since my hours switched over the summer, so i feel off kilter most of the time

and today I fell into bed after an allergic reaction at work (topical, not life threatening, but still annoying) and the migraine chaser that fell on me swiftly thereafter

after bus #2s tire fell flat
and two other buses were needed to bring me back home

my days have fallen short of my expectations….
but I still have hope
faith
joy
peace despite these last few days…

I know how my story ends

and it isn’t with my fall

You see, I have already taken the fall, laying my life down before God
I have been made new
from the inside out

not I but Christ who lives in me

in my spirit, I have been hearing more often to let go of me and rest in Him

fall down & worship no matter what

allow His love to pour over me
like a waterfall
cleansing, refreshing me

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I have learned to lay down my pride
and allow myself to be completely His

beloved
accepted
just as I am
flaws and all

the enemy has had long enough
enjoying his field day of:
keeping me down
keeping me from God’s 100% acceptance
whispering his lies
stirring up my fears

this time, he is taking the fall

its now God’s call I will be listening intently for

And if God is for me, not against me,
that means that His enemy is my enemy

and God has already foretold how His enemy falls at the end of his time

I can’t help but fall
deeper in love
with God
who has not abandoned me
loved me relentlessly
will never give up on me
falls on me with grace & mercy
always catching me when I stumble

I am sure I will have other falls over the days yet to come…

…but falling out of His grace forever
isn’t part of my story!