Tag: wound

imprints

Karla Lees

image

Yesterday was officially Infant & Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day.

Those of us who have lost a child know three key things from our loss:

1. We think about it way more than once a year.

2. We need to talk about it more than once a year.

3. Things have been forever changed.

Once a year only serves as a jump off point for those who need to heal from this kind of loss.

Let me tell you, almost nothing in my life has been more traumatic than the loss of my first pregnancy.

Discovering that I carried him, and the heartbreak of losing him all within a six week period impacted me hard, like falling into a cement block would.

Yet this wee one, whose feet never touched the ground, had a positive impact upon me too.

For God reminded me:
– He had made him (I believe his name is Andrew) and gifted us with him. 
-all life is precious to Him, regardless of how long we get to spend here on earth
-He was with me in Andrew’s conception, his growth and his departing. He never left my side through it all.

I think often what life would have been like had Andrew made it to birth, and at every stage I have celebrated in wonder as my two miracles have grown before my very eyes.

You see, I was so traumatized by losing my first child that I was literally a fear time bomb when I realized I was pregnant again, with my daughter.

Yet God was so gracious in how He poured love, freedom and hope within me as He reassured me He was with me, every time I ran to Him & nestled into His embrace.

I discovered joy in both my following pregnancies, despite my fear.

My delivery of my daughter was a whole other drama (think about having a dozen witnesses!) but I made it through, and delighted in her arrival.  My son’s delivery was scarier, yet God gave me a peace beyond comprehension that he was going to make it, and he did.

Because I had been set free from the heartbreak of loss, I was able to whole hearted accept the gift He handed me. New life.

All my children have been incredible gifts.

One i will meet face to face beside Jesus.

The other two I am honored to say I will have the pleasure of introducing to their sibling who went on ahead one heavenly moment yet to come.

Sometimes when you have lost, in my case, the depth God went to to heal me from my miscarriage, you are blessed to have a heightened wonder at what you have been given afterwards.

If you too have lost a child, in utero or after birth, my heart goes out to you.

My heart has been made whole again despite my losses, grief and trials because its Maker has touched me and brought me back to life.

My prayer is that you will allow Him to do the same.

And may He rise up around you those who you can share your burden and grief with, who will direct you back to the Healer of all wounds, hurts & brokenness, as they love you alongside you in your loss.

Yet Andrew’s tiny feet have left an imprint on my heart which will never leave, nor do I want them to. I am a better mom, more compassionate friend, and can find joy in the mundane of the day to day because I know that I know He is with me, each step, every moment.

Losing Andrew and meeting God in the whirlwind of the emotion which followed taught me that.

aftermath

Karla Lees

Ripping off the bandaid to show the partially healed wound below& exposing it to the air can be very painful…yet somehow refreshing at the same time.

There are many wounds within everyone in various stages of healing.

At any given time, anyone of us could be dealing with aftermath or fall out…

your spouse cheats on you
a loved one has cancer
you lost your job
your car died unexpectedly
your husband switched careers
your parent passed away
your child is struggling to breathe
a friend or coworker starts being unkind
your furnace dies in the winter storm
you have constant pain

And it hurts.
How it hurts.

There are only two things I can tell you:

God’s been there.

He cares for you in the midst of it all.

God did not have an easy time dealing with humanity from the get go:

Adam & Eve cheated on Him with Satan.
The cancer of sin entered the world.
The battle for the Kingdom began.
People strayed from Him, in the back & forth dance of their lack of commitment & devotion, breaking His heart over & over.
They disbelieved His love.
He set out to prove Himself, this Maker of the Heavens & Earth, and everything in them both, to us… becoming fully human in a divine attempt to right the wrong sin and the enemy were reaping on humanity.
From the very beginning. His life was at risk as He was regularly oppressed by the establishment,
Persecuted and abandoned by the religious,
even put to death because people so feared change,
rejected by the very ones He had come to save.
Beaten, battered, ridiculed and tossed aside by humanity, Jesus hurt to the very core at His Father having to turn His back on Him on the cross, and Holy Spirit having to pull away due to the weight of all our sin.

I think He died from that broken heart of separation from the ones He loved, not only because of the sin He bore.

Jesus? He gets the pain we feel.

When the tears begin to flow from the wounds that run deep, He so understands.

And He offers you His nail scarred hand to draw you close, as He begins the dance of restoration He intended for us.

For His plan is to make us whole, to restore what life and sin has stolen or ripped from our grasp. To carefully rebuild our broken hearts to beat with His love flooding our veins, bringing us the life He designed for us to live from the very start.

God designed us to live in the garden of His Presence, where all we need and long for is found in Him.

Sometimes, the pain can speak louder than the hope we have within.

Jesus so gets that. Even He cried out asking God for help along the way while He was here among us.

He knows the beat way for us to make it through this life is at His side.

I needed the reminder again today that He has good plans for those He loves.

I know He loves me.
Oh how He loves you & I!

May we all be reminded of Your heart for us in the swirl of the aftermath that follows the storms.

May Your voice be the one we hear soaring above the noisy wind and wild waves.

May Your arms be the shelter we seek when our heart cannot take anymore, and we need comfort – no matter what comes our way.

May the aftermath calm as You speak Your love into our wounds, and carefully begin to heal us within.

soul custody

Karla Lees

Our souls were never designed to be in the tug of war battles we find ourselves in.

They were designed
to be pursued by One
and pursue only One.

And ever since that lie
in the Garden
where perfect oneness
had existed between man, woman & God
the enemy has continued
to speak poison to our souls

You are not worth it
God isn’t enough
no one loves you
why bother
give up
stop trying
you aren’t special

And we tie up our resources trying to soothe our souls from the effects of believing those lies:
overeating
undereating
addictions: sex, shopping, porn, alcohol, gambling, drugs

When we fail to get to the roots of what is growing in our souls, which is evident from the fruit we produce, the poison continues to mutate and grow stronger as it increases in strength.

Our souls were never meant to be soil for the enemy. We were not designed to be his playground.

We were meant for oh so much more.

God designed us to hear His voice, in response to a longing we may have difficulty putting into words, but exists regardless.

That deep down heart’s cry desire to be known.
But not just known:
Accepted.
Adored.
Appreciated.

We long to connect at the core of who we are to the One who created us with this God sized vacuum only He can fill.

When we settle for less than the best for our souls, they will go along for a while off road, but the road starts getting bumpier, muddier and further away from where we thought we should be.

Our soul cries out for sole custody in our Maker’s care.

The battle for our souls has been being wager since that lie was spoken, enticing Eve & Adam to want more than they already had.

What God had spoken of as not just good, but very good.

The same God who walked alongside them in the Garden wants to walk beside you.

Not only does He offer Himself as your escort, He offers to set you free from the lies and pain that affects your soul. He came not only to tell us He loved us, but show us just how much He does as well.

If you are showing the signs of an inner battle being waged, and are tired of fighting on your own, please know God is waiting for you to say the word.
Help.

And He will come, this Father who is longing to adopt us into His forever family, heal us, give us our freedom, and pour out His love into our battered, weary souls.

We were designed for sole custody.

Let Him be all He was meant to be for you: mind, body, spirit, soul.

Life as you know it will change, when your soul begins to become whole and find its resting place, its true home in Him.

The only holding up this custody battle is the child in question.

God has already won the ultimate battle, and the enemy knows it.

Don’t let him win.

image

come out of hiding

Karla Lees

You were strong enough to survive the real trauma. You’re strong enough to let God bring you through the healing too.

#TheMercifulScar

Many of us wear our trauma like a wrap. Tightly wound, seemingly to protect us from more hurt, wound, pain.

The wrapping instead begins to strangle our emotions, keeping the wounds from healing, slowly sucking the vitality out of our lives.

But you survived.

The other mechanism you used, self protection, was never designed for long term use. It is meant to be used to survive the trauma at hand, and then we need to take the situation to God. For Him to heal us, help us forgive, to find release in speaking the truth, and restore us. To be made whole again, left only with the scars.

Many of us stay in that wrapped protective state way too long, because we fail to recognize the first step.

We cannot be healed until we let go.

As someone who has had her fair, or unfair, share of hard knocks, I get it.

It is hard work unraveling the tight wrapping that has been holding us together.

The freedom, however, on the other side, is so worth it.

If you are tired of staying in that holding place between your wounding and His healing, you must take the step towards God.

Removing your need to control what will happen next in a leap of faith.

His merciful arms are waiting to catch you, hold you up, comfort you, guide you.

Open wounds become scars that fade in their intensity over time once God heals them.

If you survived the wounding, you will survive their healing.

From the loving hands waiting for you to come.